40th What a big let down

[Voyager121]

10 years ago my hubby wanted to go to the Indian ocean for his 40th. I booked and planned it all by myself. We spent one week away at a top luxury resort at a cost of £3,400 plus £1,200 resort fees/bill at the end of our week. It was truely amazing, he said it was his best birthday ever and promised to take me for my 40th.

He has had nearly ten years to save for my 40th but had nothing booked for it, instead I had a box of chocolates, some flowers and £950 in an envelope. Of course I thanked him but I can't help but feel upset and disappointed.

Firstly he obviously had'nt put any effort into my 40th because he hasn't made any plans or bookings to take me away as promised and yet I did absolutely everything to make sure he had a birthday to remember.

Given that he had 10 years to save, well £950 isn't even going to cover our flights there.

It's certainly not the birthday we discussed or I thought I'd have, and it just makes me feel he really doesn't care about me. He's just spent nearly £2k on his hobby, which makes me feel thats more important than me.

Would anyone else feel disappointed? Or feel unimportant?

How dare he? Giving you money for your birthday to put towards his next birthday?!

"It sounds a bit precious" No,it sounds like she's got a self-centered jackass of a partner. Honestly, I would tell him the only way he's getting to Australia is to climb into a box and mailing himself off and he deserves a damn divorce on his next bday

He's a selfish knob
He could go to Australia for his 50th but there's no need for you to go with him after this shit

@TeaChocKitKat

Sounds a bit princessy to me. We are all really limited to what we can do at the moment due to covid. We didn't get to celebrate my big birthday at all in June because we were in full on lockdown. Seriously, get some perspective.

I do so agree . Get a grip there's more to life . He does sound like a prick though I couldn't spend my life with him

In your place I'd be swinging between sobbing disappointment and raging anger.

Sod Covid - maybe he couldn't book something for the Day Of your birthday, but a week away to tropical paradise takes planning. He should have had something (anything) booked before the Covid crisis started.

And his "you can put it towards my 50th trip" is either a supreme lack of self-awareness, or you have married an overtly selfish prick.

Maybe it is not the most mature response, but I would be raging. I believe the first PP had it right: with £950 you'll have something left over to celebrate your divorce.

This would really fuck me off. What has he said?

I'd be upset and livid to be fair! Have you directly asked him why he hasn't booked anything? I know covid is limiting long haul but you could have done short haul.

Sounds a bit princessy to me. We are all really limited to what we can do at the moment due to covid. We didn't get to celebrate my big birthday at all in June because we were in full on lockdown. Seriously, get some perspective.*
I do so agree .
Get a grip there's more to life .*

This is the op's life, with a partner who is spectacularly selfish. Covid doesn't mean all other areas of life are forgotten about and we all have to be miserable because you say so.
Wind your necks in.

Has he always been an absolute bellend with his entitled head so far up his ass it’s holding a regular conversation with you?

I agree it sounds pretty thoughtless to give you £950 in cash and not have planned anything for your birthday...then to suggest you put it towards his 50th birthday is rather selfish! Me and DH are not big gifters and never have been but of the two of us I am more organised with things like birthdays and I usually always plan something nice for DH’s birthday. I usually end up going for a meal with him and/or DC for mine. That’s as far as it his planning goes. I would book a nice last minute holiday for yourself and a friend and leave him behind!

Well you got £930 more than me for my 50th...a couple of books at the end of the month when he got paid

2k on his hobby. I’d leave him OP.

I understand why you might feel pissed off but tbh I'd be made up at a grand for my birthday. No way would I ever get that.

I had similar but felt I couldnt complain because everyone praised HIM so much and told me how lucky I was

for background for his big birthday I did the present for every year of his life, took him on a 10 day safari (it was beautiful) and threw a suprise party even getting some friends he hasnt seen in years to travel up

I didnt expect anywhere near that much back but thought a romantic weekend city break abroad would be minimum (you can even book them on group on £70) and he kept telling me to pack a weekend bag

what did I get?
a night in a travelodge in a random city (where we have been many times before and done all the 'tourest' things) and a bottle of prosecco, no plans made - when I asked what we where doing (assuming he must have booked tickets to a show or something) he said 'just let me google resteraunts' (everywhere was booked at the last minute on a saturday night) and then hes like 'lets go for drinks' (I barely drink) then he dragged me round pubs and talked about how he would love to bring his friends to those pubs

he later told me he had 'planned' to take me to Italy for the weekend but he left it too late to book and then spent all the money on other things (god knows what but not my birthday) so that was the best he could do at short notice (the £35 travelodge with nothing to do... not even a cool airB&B or romantic cabin)

I just dont bother getting excited anymore because I always go all out for everyone else but its always a let down when it gets to me and Im sick of being hurt when I 'expect' anyone to put in effort

@mam0918

I had similar but felt I couldnt complain because everyone praised HIM so much and told me how lucky I was

for background for his big birthday I did the present for every year of his life, took him on a 10 day safari (it was beautiful) and threw a suprise party even getting some friends he hasnt seen in years to travel up

I didnt expect anywhere near that much back but thought a romantic weekend city break abroad would be minimum (you can even book them on group on £70) and he kept telling me to pack a weekend bag

what did I get?
a night in a travelodge in a random city (where we have been many times before and done all the 'tourest' things) and a bottle of prosecco, no plans made - when I asked what we where doing (assuming he must have booked tickets to a show or something) he said 'just let me google resteraunts' (everywhere was booked at the last minute on a saturday night) and then hes like 'lets go for drinks' (I barely drink) then he dragged me round pubs and talked about how he would love to bring his friends to those pubs

he later told me he had 'planned' to take me to Italy for the weekend but he left it too late to book and then spent all the money on other things (god knows what but not my birthday) so that was the best he could do at short notice (the £35 travelodge with nothing to do... not even a cool airB&B or romantic cabin)

I just dont bother getting excited anymore because I always go all out for everyone else but its always a let down when it gets to me and Im sick of being hurt when I 'expect' anyone to put in effort

also before anyone comments about covid his birthday was 6 years ago and mine was 2 years ago... long before covid when travelling (even to Italy) wasnt an issue

its the pits. My "DH" didn't even get me a card and the night of my birthday we went out to celebrate his friends 50th and I couldn't even say anything as I didn't want to take the shine off him. So my 4oth was spent celebrating someone else birthday- not even a close friend of mine
I will never forgive him for it and the resentment still burns to be honest, No excuse either as he is VERY rich so it wasn't like money was an issue

Covid is nothing to do with it. Any decent trip have been in the planningI long before March.
I don’t think birthday top trumps is good normally but the lack of thought here is pretty poor.
I would most definitely let him know you think so, give him the money back and tell him to get you a decent trip for you and your friends somewhere.

My exh ruined my 40th. He was an ex before I was 41...
Yanbu to use the 950 for a solicitor...

Sometimes it takes one of these big occasions to realise you are married to a complete twat.

Happy Birthday! Did he do any other nice gestures? Cook - or something that showed care/thought? Did you spend your money on his holiday - or is it your mutual earnings? Tbh, I want to stop measuring love in monetary terms/grand gestures. £950 is a lot of money. I’d have felt embarrassed/unnecessary - especially with some much going on right now/ it’s not the time for holidays. I’d have been happy with singing, cake and a soppy valueless gift that would make me smile.

@Plentyofshit Did you miss where she said, " It was truely amazing, he said it was his best birthday ever and promised to take me for my 40th"?

@HollowTalk surely they would have both enjoyed that holiday! It’s just not possible to holiday like that right now.

And tbh shouldn’t priorities start shifting away from money/extravagance to things that really matter?

Yes, I agree, but a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates shows really little thought. And he gave her money which he suggests she uses towards his 50th birthday present - a trip to Australia!

I can't believe he has the fucking balls to talk about you splitting the cost of a trip to Australia for HIS 50th after treating you so comparatively shabbily on your 40th.

I would be letting him have it. £2k spent on his hobby, and he threw an envelope of money at you with some flowers after you spent almost £5k on his with the agreement you'd do something big together on yours?

Fuck him. I'd be raging.