My new boyfriend told me he had vasectomy

[IvyDE4]

So I’ve been dating this man for 2 months and we get along so great. He is 28 and I am 30. Last night he told me that he had vasectomy done. I do have a one child - but I would love one more in the future and I feel strongly about it. He said he might be open to a child in the future and he could do reversal or IVF. I am not sure if I should continue this relationship .. any advice appreciated?!

I don’t understand why it would be an issue sorry.

He has told you, he might be open to a child in the future and has suggested ways that could happen. Until then you have worry free sex.

After a couple of months he is being honest and open. Personally if you are still together after a year then it’s worthy of further discussion as you need to be on the same page, but I would just be enjoying the new relationship and seeing if he is someone you would want to raise a child with anyway. Until then it’s irrelevant IMO.

If you're set on having more kids then yeah, I'd end it.
He's obviously made the choice to not have children and is most likely telling you what you want to hear with reversal, IVF etc.
You already have a child, I'm sure that makes you ineligible for free IVF so you'd be paying a hell of a lot for the privilege of staying with a guy who at 28 has already decided he doesn't want children.

I’d find it quite surprising that a 28 year old had had a vasectomy.

After two months I’d be annoyed he didn’t mention this sooner. I’d not be happy to start developing something with someone to then get told this.

As for worry free sex. No you need to still use protection until you are certain about each other’s honesty and have had sti check.

Why did he do it OP?

Has he got any children of his own? To do that at 28 would make me think his mind is totally made up....also if you did end up pregnant would he be resentful? Then not helpful at all or a good father? They’re the questions I’d be asking myself.

Why did he do it? I think that's really unusual and something only someone very resolute would do. Alarm bells would ring. Loudly.

You are not in a relationship, you are dating still having protective sex I would hope? Have you had the exclusivity conversation yet? You don't know this person but he's had a vasectomy so clearly doesn't want children, assuming he is telling the truth. If you want children I'd not get involved with someone who is intentionally infertile.

I’d also end things. He had a vasectomy because he was definite that he didn’t want a child (or anymore, if he already has one/more). A reversal isn’t guaranteed and would need to be done private. IVF would be expensive and you would need to fund all of it. I agree that he’s probably just telling you what you want to hear especially since I’d be surprised if it was very long ago that he had the vasectomy.

Is it not unusual to have a vasectomy at 28? I appreciate this is very different but my friend wanted sterilised from a young age and they wouldn't do it until after the age of 30 because she could change her mind....(;She did). Anyway.... Regardless of that, It sounds like at some point he was adamant about not having children.... So I would be asking him what's changed?

28 is very young to decide he doesn't want children (or anymore children, sorry, you don't mention if he already has any). Are you 100% sure he has had it done or is he just wanting bareback sex or you to take full responsibility?

Definately use contraception. Or if you know you want more kids, end it. IVF and reversal are expensive and from reading MN stories, IVF sounds like a heart wrenching and physically difficult journey.

‘Reversal’ isn’t always possible, and it’d also be you having invasive, costly fertility treatment. If you want more DC would get out now.

My DH had a vasectomy at 25 so he could absolutely be telling the truth.

If you definitely want another DC then I would end it.

He said he got girl pregnant and pushed her into abortion because he wasn’t ready at that time and was very traumatised by it (went to therapy) so he didn’t want that to happen again in the future And decided that only way this won’t happen again is to get vasectomy

He pushed someone into an abortion? Sounds like a catch

Well surely it's a no go it you want kids in the future Reversals have a low chance of working and he may later change his mind about being open to getting one (also wouldnt surprise me if he was just saying it so you will stay with him a while longer and sleep with him) so totally pointless to continue the relationship...

Um.

2 months in, I would assume that there's a fairly high chance that faintly unlikely stories like this could well be total bullshit.

DO NOT HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH HIM.

but as for the rest - um, again, you're 2 months in. Eight weeks. I have cheese in my fridge I've had a longer relationship with. Don't even think about it yet - it shouldn't even be on the radar.

He sounds all over the place if he's had one but is talking about how to have a child. IVF is gruelling and expensive and all on you, I'd not want that because of a decision he'd made. I'd make sure you're still using protection too as this does seem unusual

Did it not occur to him that he was potentially destroying his fertility for life? I just checked the NHS website, reversal is approximately 55% successful if done in the first ten years and he would probably have to pay for it. I think he must have been able to persuade his doctors that he never wanted children and I am certain he would have had to have shown that he understood the risks. I think he's telling you what you want to hear.

Did he actually say he pushed a girl into an abortion or is that your take from the situation?

He did say that he told her he is not ready and doesn’t want to be a dad so young - and she went to have an abortion so he felt extremely guilty. We do use protection ...
Yes because it’s been only 2months I could leave scars free ....

Ooh

Alarm bells all over

Men can easily have vasectomys. Despite their age. Women can't have it because the surgery is much more invasive. And they usually change their minds. Though this is a controversial topic

He pushed someone into an abortion. No no no

The fact he had it done. Now is telling you what you want to hear

Your choice is quite simple from an outsider

If you want more children I'd heavily advise you look somewhere else.

@IvyDE4

He said he got girl pregnant and pushed her into abortion because he wasn’t ready at that time and was very traumatised by it (went to therapy) so he didn’t want that to happen again in the future And decided that only way this won’t happen again is to get vasectomy

This is either absolute bullshit or he is a complete walker.

If it is true this guy is having no kids with any one ..

Do you not think he treated the last women he got pregnant disgustingly? “Pushing” someone into an abortion sounds manipulative and nasty. There’s no guarantee he would treat you any better.

You can’t force him to reverse the vasectomy or to go ahead with IVF. If he doesn’t want kids, he doesn’t want kids. There’s no guarantee his mind would change down the line, he’s just being manipulative again and telling you what you want to hear so you won’t immediately sack him off, although you have every right to.

My ex husband said he was sterile he lied we have two kids he tells everyone I trapped him

He doesn't want children.