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Original poster

My new boyfriend told me he had vasectomy

128 replies

IvyDE4 · 11/10/2020 14:55

So I’ve been dating this man for 2 months and we get along so great. He is 28 and I am 30. Last night he told me that he had vasectomy done. I do have a one child - but I would love one more in the future and I feel strongly about it. He said he might be open to a child in the future and he could do reversal or IVF. I am not sure if I should continue this relationship .. any advice appreciated?!

OP posts:
StellaGib · 11/10/2020 17:20

If having another child is important to you, walk away now.

A reversal or IVF are not good or likely options. Expensive, invasive and high chance of failure.

StanfordPines · 11/10/2020 17:23

Correct me if I’m wrong here but with ivf, and him having had the snip, wouldn’t it be donor sperm anyway?

SoulofanAggron · 11/10/2020 17:30

He sounds all over the place if he's had one but is talking about how to have a child

@Parkandride I'd say he's at least partly/maybe just saying what OP wants to hear so as to continue the relationship.

We hear of blokes on hear that dangle their being eventually possibly willing to have children in front of women, but keep backing out saying they're not ready etc.

Changedit123 · 11/10/2020 17:32

I'd be concerned about bringing this man in to my dc life seem as he clearly is not interested in kids.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 11/10/2020 17:33

My exh had the snip at 26 when we had 3 x dc..
If he hadn't have had dc they said they would have refused him...
Are you quite certain no dc are hidden away op?

BewilderedDoughnut · 11/10/2020 17:35

@Sunnydaysstillhere they don’t ask questions if you go private.

Qwertybertie87 · 11/10/2020 17:39

A few years ago my friend went out with a man who'd apparently had a vasectomy. Turned out to be a load of bollocks and she got pregnant. Be careful.

MrsGrindah · 11/10/2020 17:46

Tricky. I’m not impressed by him pushing an ex into having an abortion..that’s the red flag for me not the vasectomy. But was he young and stupid etc? I think it’s perfectly fine for someone to make the choice of a vasectomy if that’s what they want BUT I’d be very wary of trusting him this early in the relationship and would carry on using contraception for some time yet until you know where it’s going.

BigFatLiar · 11/10/2020 18:04

He said he got girl pregnant and pushed her into abortion because he wasn’t ready at that time

He did say that he told her he is not ready and doesn’t want to be a dad so young - and she went to have an abortion so he felt extremely guilty.

Two different spins on the same thing;
the first coercing her into an abortion is bad,
the second isn't 'pushing' simply her deciding she wasn't going to be a single mum.

Is his story true, is it not, who knows. This is MN he's a waste.

GameSetMatch · 11/10/2020 18:06

I don’t think a doctor would do a vasectomy on a 28 year old, my husband is 37 we have two children and the doctor refused??

Thelnebriati · 11/10/2020 18:12

Ask him to go with you to have a fertility test, see if he starts making excuses.

Noneyerbuisness11234 · 11/10/2020 18:12

If u pay private u can have anything done including a vasectomy

viques · 11/10/2020 18:19

@IvyDE4

He said he got girl pregnant and pushed her into abortion because he wasn’t ready at that time and was very traumatised by it (went to therapy) so he didn’t want that to happen again in the future And decided that only way this won’t happen again is to get vasectomy
Well that sounds like the sort of thing that happens not. My advice to you is to continue with whatever contraception you were on before you met this sensitive soul. For clarities sake why has he waited two months to impart this information.
Anordinarymum · 11/10/2020 18:21

@Sunnydaysstillhere

My exh had the snip at 26 when we had 3 x dc.. If he hadn't have had dc they said they would have refused him... Are you quite certain no dc are hidden away op?
Yes. This is true. They would not give a 28 year old man a vasectomy unless he was paying for it
BewilderedDoughnut · 11/10/2020 18:22

@GameSetMatch I don’t think a doctor would do a vasectomy on a 28 year old, my husband is 37 we have two children and the doctor refused??

My (childfree) husband had his vasectomy at 21. He paid privately and got it no questions asked! He’s in his 30s now and doesn’t regret it for a second. We didn’t want kids then and we don’t want kids now.

CheetasOnFajitas · 11/10/2020 18:24

So he pushed a woman into an abortion, had therapy, had a vasectomy very young and now says he “might be open to a child in the future”. He sounds fucked up and for that reason I’d suggest stepping away from the relationship.

CheetasOnFajitas · 11/10/2020 18:26

[quote BewilderedDoughnut]**@GameSetMatch* I don’t think a doctor would do a vasectomy on a 28 year old, my husband is 37 we have two children and the doctor refused??*

My (childfree) husband had his vasectomy at 21. He paid privately and got it no questions asked! He’s in his 30s now and doesn’t regret it for a second. We didn’t want kids then and we don’t want kids now.[/quote]
Presumably the fact that your husband was already married to /in a LTR with a woman who agreed that they both wanted to be child free would have made a difference though? Unlike OP’s boyfriend who would have been single at the time.

ivfbeenbusy · 11/10/2020 18:29

@StanfordPines

Correct me if I’m wrong here but with ivf, and him having had the snip, wouldn’t it be donor sperm anyway?

No they just reattach everything and away he goes. He will still be producing sperm now it just doesn't have anywhere to go? Bit like me - I lost both tubes to ectopics but still ovulate

I've known a few people have vasectomy reversals and then have plenty of kids via IVF or naturally

CheetasOnFajitas · 11/10/2020 18:31

@StanfordPines

Correct me if I’m wrong here but with ivf, and him having had the snip, wouldn’t it be donor sperm anyway?
Vasectomy just cuts the tube that carries the sperm from the testicles out of the penis. It doesn’t stop sperm production. They can go into the testicles and extract sperm from them and use that to fertilise an egg in vitro.
CheetasOnFajitas · 11/10/2020 18:32

Isn’t that vasectomy reversal you are talking about @ivfbeenbusy? That’s something different.

Branleuse · 11/10/2020 18:32

reversals dont work nearly as often as people seem to think they do.

Crystal87 · 11/10/2020 18:32

I know it's slightly different to his situation but I am female and was sterilised at 29. I had already had children though. However, I think his reason sounds strange and not sure if I'd believe it. I would leave this relationship if you haven't started falling for him and having another child is something you really want. Reversals don't always work and he could decide in future he's happy not to try for children.

Birdladybird · 11/10/2020 18:41

@StanfordPines they can withdraw sperm via needle if the vasectomy is not reversed before IVF.

ivfbeenbusy · 11/10/2020 18:44

Yes as per previous poster there are two options -

Reversal where they reattach and you CAN get pregnant naturally

Or surgical sperm retrieval - not many men opt for that option though given how sensitive they are about things being inserted in their 🍆
Unlike us poor women folk who have to have all sorts inserted in there during IVF 🤣

AfterSchoolWorry · 11/10/2020 18:47

Hmmm, I'd be suspicious he has kids already.