My new boyfriend told me he had vasectomy

[IvyDE4]

So I’ve been dating this man for 2 months and we get along so great. He is 28 and I am 30. Last night he told me that he had vasectomy done. I do have a one child - but I would love one more in the future and I feel strongly about it. He said he might be open to a child in the future and he could do reversal or IVF. I am not sure if I should continue this relationship .. any advice appreciated?!

My friend met a man who had a vasectomy at a young age too, she was desperate for children and told him this from the start. He had a reversal after two years but it failed due to complications. There relationship failed not long after.

and decided that only way this won’t happen again is to get vasectomy

So he doesn’t trust himself to behave like an adult either

@slipperywhensparticus

My ex husband said he was sterile he lied we have two kids he tells everyone I trapped him

That’s exactly what I suspect. Alarm bells all over the place. Sorry that happened to you.

I wouldn’t believe him tbh.

He doesn’t want kids but would have a reversal or ivf? Ok then.

It’s just such bullshit.

Well it doesn’t sound like he treated the last woman very well. That would worry me more than the fact of the vasectomy.

MN is literally full of threads saying that if men don't want to have children then they should take responsibility for this not happening. But when they do, it's a red flag?

So true. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I suspect he is lying, sorry OP l do hope l am wrong.

It's not a red flag that he would want to take responsibility for his fertility.

The red flag is that it is SO unlikely that a childless 28 year old would have had a vasectomy that it's possibly he's bullshitting. Especially given that he's now apparently all a-ok with the notion of gettign a reversal for a woman he's known 5 minutes.

billy bullshit
billy bullshit
billy bullshit

that's the red flag!

Red flags all over the place. Don't be a fool, ditch this man.

You should take care of the birth control - too many "oh I cant have children" men and women out there, who just miraculously and very quickly get or get their partner pregnant.

It's a really common line.

I’d want proof he’s had one tbh.

I don’t think it’s a red flag to do this. Perhaps very young and potentially he could have changed his mind

Better than having children and then changing your mind. But nobody talks about that!

If you want children in the future I’d walk away now. My DH has a vasectomy reversal 4 years ago and although it worked somewhat we only have 10% chance and it hasn’t happened yet. Currently undergoing ivf but not high success rates with that either.

What if he has a reversal, you get pregnant and he feels traumatised again?

Leave this relationship OP.

You barely know him OP.-

Eight weeks and talking about children..???

He may be decent or not- but not all relationships have to end in the happy ever after.

Maybe he still has some paperwork to prove he's had a vasectomy. Or therapy for not wanting a baby.

I would have thought that if a young man was so traumatised he needed therapy, some doctors might feel he was in no fit mental state to consent to vasectomy.

Is he putting pressure on you not to use additional protection because he's had a vasectomy? If so, I wouldn't believe him for a second. He can't be arsed faffing with condoms and is spinning you a story to make you throw caution to the wind.

I think he sounds as flakey as.
It’s one thing to have a vasectomy young because you have good reasons to not have kids. His reason is ridiculous. What was the poor lamb traumatised by? The guilt of pushing a girlfriend into an abortion or the horror of getting actually someone pregnant?
He can’t have the op that long ago but he’s telling you that he’ll reverse it within two months of knowing you. After being traumatised to the point of therapy.

@IvyDE4

He said he got girl pregnant and pushed her into abortion because he wasn’t ready at that time and was very traumatised by it (went to therapy) so he didn’t want that to happen again in the future And decided that only way this won’t happen again is to get vasectomy

Sounds delightful.

My brother had an NHS vasectomy at 40 and the only reason the GP agreed was that he had 3 DC.
I’m highly sceptical

My Dad told his ex girlfriend he was infertile to get out of using condoms. Not only was he fertile, he had hepatitis C. Men can and do lie to get their own way.

Just so you know, a reversal is expensive. We paid just over £6k.

Red flags any which way you look at this. Would be incredibly hard to get an NHS vasectomy (or a private one for that matter) at such a young age. On the other hand if he really did get one because of the trauma of forcing (!) his ex into an abortion then quite a few issues there too.

@FizzyGreenWater

Um.

2 months in, I would assume that there's a fairly high chance that faintly unlikely stories like this could well be total bullshit.

DO NOT HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH HIM.

but as for the rest - um, again, you're 2 months in. Eight weeks. I have cheese in my fridge I've had a longer relationship with. Don't even think about it yet - it shouldn't even be on the radar.

You should probably chuck it out. Both of you