To ask husband to leave because of his snoring?

[Rainbowsparkle]

We have been together a long time. He has always snored but last 5-6 years it has got progressively worse to the point if he goes to sleep first I can’t sleep. I work full time as well as having 2 children. I’m surviving on 3-4 hours sleep a night. He has been to ent specialist and sleep clinic and requires an operation but he won’t have it done as he doesn’t see why he should have an operation. I am tired all of the time. Kids used to be able to sleep through it but got to the point he now wakes them up. My family thought I was exaggerating until we shared a house on holiday a couple of years ago and they all complained about it. We no longer sleep in the same bed as I end up on the sofa. My back constantly hurts because of this.
He can see the effect it’s having on me and still won’t have the op. I love him but I can’t live like this anymore and if he’s not prepared to do something about it I can’t see any other option.

Hi I am the one with sleep apnea. I had an op on my deviated septum.
I then got a cpap machine. My husband loves it.
I got used to it. It was hard at the start.
I prefer to sleep with it now it was the best thing ever for me because I was so tired and exhausted all the time.
I also realised my dad must have had it. He kept having heart attacks. That is probably what would have happened to me without the cpap machine.

Hmmm..maybe it's time to call it quits. I personally think it's very disrespectful to laugh when my snoring has kept someone up half the night, personally I'd be mortified if my wife played that back to me...

@Rainbowsparkle

When I said I’d be staying in a hotel straight away got accused of seeing someone else. Which is why I’ve changed it to my mums. Chance would be a fine thing I’m too bloody tired 🙈

Interesting he went in the attack about something else rather than focus on the fact he is the cause of you leaving.

When I said I’d be staying in a hotel straight away got accused of seeing someone else. Which is why I’ve changed it to my mums. Chance would be a fine thing I’m too bloody tired 🙈

I think this would piss me off more than anything.

He CAN control how he reacts to you, but he chooses to accuse you of something like cheating rather than deal with WHY you're doing this. He's deflecting so he doesn't have to deal with the cause, HIS cause.

This seems to be the way he deals with your relationship. He can't control whether he snores or not, but he does have control over what he does about it. But he chooses to do nothing.

Each scenario is selfish, selfish to do nothing about his snoring, and selfish that he'd rather say you're cheating (push the blame on you) rather than deal with why you have to stay away.

I would find it quite alarming that his go-to response about the hotel is that you're having an affair. Personally, that is the last thing my brain would jump to while in a committed relationship... makes me wonder if he is projecting. People who themselves would condone this kind of behavior are the ones to accuse others of it. People who would never condone it are slow to accuse others of it because it's not at the forefront of their brain in the first place!!

I'm not saying he's cheating, I'm just saying I worry about his morals. Coupled with his absolute lack of respect for you and your health with regards to the snoring issue, I would seriously be reconsidering this relationship.

And finally, if I was in this position, I would have filed for divorce as soon as he laughed about the situation... being scared of an operation is of course understandable. But laughing at your wife's misery is unforgivable and says A LOT about him.

Its totally unacceptable that he still hasn't seen the damage he is doing to you.
He doesn't acknowledge that you suffer daily with the fatigue & his kids don't do not sleep correctly.
He doesn't take it seriously.
& the affair accusation is just adding insult to injury.
Of course you are going to a hotel with your children in tow to meet your liver.
Can you go with him to this doctors appointment? In the mean time, he can sleep on the fucking sofa.At least he can still sleep & have a bad back, whereas you have both.

Bloody hell, go to wherever you want to get a good nights sleep, if it's the Dorchester then do it.

How fucking dare he accuse you of having an affair, like yes arsewipe, I'm having an affair and telling you about it before going. Utter dick.

He should be leaving the house not you and the poor kids. He's the source of the problem and refusing to fid a solution, he is causing misery to several people, it would be far simpler if he went.

God he sounds just so awful and selfish.

hi

This is probably Sleep Apnoea, which affects 4% of the population. If the docs say he needs the operation then he does need it. However, a specially moulded mouth guard might reduce the volume and enable you to get some sleep until he can face the op.

Record him with your phone as he sleeps and play it back to him the next day. He will be shocked. After that he should be prepared to at least sleep elsewhere in the house sometimes so that you can catch up on sleep.

This problem breaks up marriages. Also his health is at risk. With Sleep Apnoea, the noisy bits are him actually stopping breathing - you literally DIE for a few seconds before it restarts. Sleep Apnoea can kill you in your sleep actually, and it puts a strain on the heart, blood pressure etc. Also the quality of sleep is compromised, so ironically you actually end up needing to sleep more, and round and round we go.

Even if he doesn't care if you sleep he should at least care if he dies prematurely. That's why the NHS treat chronic snoring, because if untreated it shortens the snorer's life, and it can be a life threatening thing and definitely not a joke.

Just placemarking for tips to cope with a snoring partner

Rainbowsparkle your DH isnt a good man. He doesnt care about the impact his snoring is having on your mental health. You said up thread that he laughed when you played the recording of his snoring. He has you sleeping on the sofa. He refuses to have an operation that will help resolve the situation. I bet he wouldnt refuse an operation if he thought it might lead to him getting sicker. He sees it that this operation is to help you as he isnt bothered. He is a selfish man, you sleep in a hotel to catch up on sleep and he accuses you of an affair. Anything but accept his snoring is causing you extreme distress.

My OH was a selfish snorer and would get angry if I woke him up, it took him having sleep issues to realise how a lack of sleep can seriously impact on your health and apologised.

OP, he actually sounds weirdly stubborn and selfish. Does he never compromise is any other area of his life? Never negotiates and compromises at work?

I'm not surprised you've had enough.

My ex had an op to supposedly cure his snoring - it made no bloody difference!

Can he sleep on the sofa and you have the bed - with earplugs? No reason why you should be the one to suffer. And the op isn't that bad really if that's what he's worried about. Ex had one night in hospital and was a bit sore and bruised but it was really not that bad - even he said so. Just didn't work.

He thinks it's "funny", won't do anything to help, won't sleep on the sofa so you can get some sleep.
I suggest you withdraw ALL marital services until he does start taking it seriously including sex or any kind of affection, get a comfy bed for you and set it up somewhere else even if it's in the middle of the living room to make a point that you won't be sleeping with him again until he starts taking it seriously and definitely say you are considering a divorce as you are so fucked off with his attitude.
His response will tell you what you must do.
It's not fucking funny, it's destroying your life and well being.

HI op, sorry I’m a bIt late to the thread, but just wanted to pop on to say I have had 2 operations because of snoring and how it was effecting my relationship, unfortunately they haven’t done a sodding thing :( I have severe rhinitis and have been told I will never be able to make it go away. I didn’t want to have the ops as in my eyes i didn’t feel that having an operation that wasn’t essential was necessary, but I did it to proof to my partner that I have tried everything. They are however very simple and quick ops and depending on what’s causing your dh’s snoring, it may well have the desired effect, so I do hope he at least tries for you! Me and my partner over the years have spent a lot of nights on sofas, but seem to have found a routine that works for us now luckily. I also only drink extremely rarely asi know this makes it worse. I hope you manage to find some way through this, but also understand how frustrating it all is

@MusicMan65

hi

This is probably Sleep Apnoea, which affects 4% of the population. If the docs say he needs the operation then he does need it. However, a specially moulded mouth guard might reduce the volume and enable you to get some sleep until he can face the op.

Record him with your phone as he sleeps and play it back to him the next day. He will be shocked. After that he should be prepared to at least sleep elsewhere in the house sometimes so that you can catch up on sleep.

This problem breaks up marriages. Also his health is at risk. With Sleep Apnoea, the noisy bits are him actually stopping breathing - you literally DIE for a few seconds before it restarts. Sleep Apnoea can kill you in your sleep actually, and it puts a strain on the heart, blood pressure etc. Also the quality of sleep is compromised, so ironically you actually end up needing to sleep more, and round and round we go.

Even if he doesn't care if you sleep he should at least care if he dies prematurely. That's why the NHS treat chronic snoring, because if untreated it shortens the snorer's life, and it can be a life threatening thing and definitely not a joke.

Read the thread... she has recorded him, he laughed, pretty sure he has also seen drs who suggested an op, which he doesn't want.

Accused of seeing someone else?

The only answer this selfish shit would get to that from me would be ‘Shut the fuck up’

@FizzyGreenWater

Accused of seeing someone else?

The only answer this selfish shit would get to that from me would be ‘Shut the fuck up’

Or “get the fuck out”

Why did you take the kids? Go yourself for some proper rest!

He should be the one that goes elsewhere....I'm not sure now is the time to be spending money on a loft you may want it for other things

straight away got accused of seeing someone else

Are you still deluding yourself that he is a decent man apart from the snoring?

I had a friend whose DP snored like this and refused to see it as a big problem. He was very selfish and just didn’t value her sleep like he did his own it was all ‘I’m alright jack’.

So anyway she ‘developed’ wrest-less sleeping and night terrors. For weeks she flung arms and legs around, rolled all over the place and started screaming in the middle of the night, proper screaming. She made sure he woke up every 2 hours for weeks and feigned complete ignorance to why it was suddenly happening.

It was literally a couple of weeks before DP was demanding she seek help and wanted to reevaluate their sleeping arrangements. He became very motivated. She parroted back his excuses for not seeking help with the snoring.

Incredibly passive aggressive but it still tickles me

When I said I’d be staying in a hotel straight away got accused of seeing someone else.

So he's selfish and insecure 🤔

I think you need to sit him down and lay it on the line. He seeks medical help or it’s potentially the end of the relationship, then spend a couple days with your mum.

My husband had the op but it made no difference at all. We are now in separate rooms because lack of sleep was making me ill.

Same situation here but have separate rooms and I still need to wear industrial earplugs

My husband had the surgery and had his tonsils removed and it made no real difference so this is why we went down the separate rooms route - works for us but sharing a hotel room can be absolute hell for me