I’m dreading my husband coming home

[Goodbadanduglyyyy]

My husband has been away since June working abroad. He is due home at the weekend.

He is a very clean person and likes things done in a particular way. Put it this way, the house looks like a show home when he is here. Every time he is away at work for a long period of time he always asks me, will the house be nice for me coming home?

The house is never untidy, but it’s his particular kind of clean and i just dread it. I’m literally on my hands and knees getting every skirting board, light switch, door handle cleaned and it takes days. We have 2 young kids and I also work.

He will ask at least once a week while he is away if the house will be nice for him and I just feel massive pressure to have it done. He says “all I ask for is a clean house, nothing else”. But it’s not a normal clean that he likes

I put my foot down last year, I only managed to do half of the house and told him I was exhausted with kids etc and that he would have to finish the rest if he wanted it done. He sulked and the following day he made us both do it and was ordering me around telling me what to clean and how to clean it.

I know this sounds ridiculous.. I just needed to get this off my chest

I just couldn't live with someone like this.

He needs counselling

Such a man would not be willing to be counselled. He really has and does think he has done nothing wrong with regards to his wife.

Are you married to Geoff from Coronation street?

Seriously though, tell him to fuck off!

He is controlling you and i honestly think you will be free and happy without him. He isnt even at home much so normality is you and your girls.

I would get a cleaner or split up . It sounds as if he has a good job so you can afford a cleaner. It must be wonderful to have a cleaner who really loves their work and takes delight in making your home sparkle . If you can't agree to get a cleaner then you must be part of the problem.

Stitchy has it bang on there ^

What an odd post @Soozikinzii ......

Is he saying don’t pick him up from the airport so you can use that time to do the cleaning?

Tell him he needs to pay for a cleaner.
This sounds rather abusive and like coercive control. You should not be scared of your husband.

You say you don't trust him in relation to other woman. Has he had affairs before? He is away for months on end and on his return he sends you cleaning lists for his return? Not a 'I love you' can't wait to see you shall we all have a family dinner this eve and hang out and watch a movie?!!

I appreciate this is your life and your relationship but please remember your DD are growing up thinking this is normal. What's laughable is you relay your concerns and his response is to say he will get the train back? Is that it

“And that he wishes he wasn’t the way he is.”

Well, he can work on that. If it is OCD, he won’t simply be able to switch it off but a first step is to become conscious of it. A lot more is known now than even just a decade ago about how to treat OCD. Exposure response prevention therapy can be very effective. There are books with tools which sufferers can practise to help curtail the OCD habits. Medication can also help by reducing the anxiety which underlies OCD. He and you don’t just need to accept that this is how things are.

Bollocks did he not realise he was putting pressure on you, OP. However, given that he's said that I would respond that every time he mentions cleaning it puts pressure on you and you are therefore SO GLAD that he is now AWARE that it puts pressure on you because surely from now on he will not mention the cleaning at all ever again - now that he knows it puts pressure on you

I am flabbergasted that his response to you having no weekend plans to to ask if you've nothing to clean!? His behaviour is not right or normal - normal in this situation would be him coming home with flowers for you and presents for the kids, you guys all enjoying lots of family time while he's home, you getting a break from your sole responsibility for the kids (he should WANT to spend solo time with them, especially after being away for so long) and him pitching in to help with whatever you got behind with in the house because, you know, it's hard to keep up with everything when you're on your own.

Talk to people in real life (friends, family, a counsellor). Stuff like this thrives on secrecy.

If he wishes he wasn't that way that's great, he can do something about that if it bothers him enough.

All he talks about is cleaning and he doesn't realise it's putting pressure on you.

Yea right.

OP, protect yourself and your girls.
If you can't stand up to him then you would be better off away from him.

Roughly what a pp said: *Tell him you are glad he sees that it is his issue, and we can talk further about ways you can work on it without inflicting it on you anymore.
The house will be as tidy as is normal and if he can't handle that it might be better if he stayed with his parents until he has addressed his issue, so perhaps they should pick him up.

It sounds like he's victim blaming: "if you're that tired"....

I will swap husbands with you

I remember the last thread and tbh I’m sad that you are still putting yourself and your dc through this.

You had great advice then, you have great advice now and you do KNOW how bad this is for you, for your dc and what damage it’s doing you all

His latest text is a load of crap, he’s taking the woe is me line and won’t change.

He won’t ever change.
He doesn’t want to.

So... is this how you want to live?

You’re young. Do something about it now so that you can have the healthy happy life you and your dc need to have.

@thelake

I will swap husbands with you

How dismissive!

This is like a psychological horror film. Your life should be so much more than this op.

If you divorced the fucker you wouldn't be this stressed or have to drive yourself into the ground with his obsession.

Controlling arsehole.

@thelake

I will swap husbands with you

I rather think you'd end up regretting git if you did.

The title of your post, that you are dreading him coming home, actually says it all.
A controlling bully, that you appear scared of. A decent man would be grateful that you have held everything together while he’s been away, not demanding you scrub and clean to meet his high standards.
If you dread him coming home, maybe have a think about whether this is the life you want.

@Sloth66

Exactly. A decent man would be in total awe of her. Not demanding more and more. Wanting fucking photos of what she's cleaned, my god. He should kiss the ground she walks on.