DP cross there's no food

[droopyears]

My DP of 4 years has just had a go at me because there is no food in the house. He doesn't actually live with me.
He knows I do my food shopping on a Wednesday so am usually pretty low on a Tuesday.
He seemed really cross that there wasn't a huge menu of snacks available
I just wanted to vent really

Sorry for late update, DC had sport again and then I sat and helped youngest with homework (which took forever).

I actually managed to have an evening without DP here, although I noticed that when I got back from sport the item he needed had gone (I didn't have time to drop it in the end), so he must have let himself in to get it whilst I was out.

I did receive texts around dinner time which to me felt like I was being guilt tripped. Why don't you want me over tonight? I've done nothing wrong. You're always so sensitive etc. I said that I need some space for a few days and I was basically told that I was being ridiculous and I've been ignored ever since

At least I get to star fish tonight...

OP,

I don't wish to be harsh but please take a good hard look at yourself and read this thread a few times.

It's all there for you.

Absolutely NO need for your ........faces...no confusion at all for those reading!

I did receive texts around dinner time which to me felt like I was being guilt tripped.
Emotional abuse

Why don't you want me over tonight?
Cos you've been a bellend who doesn't want to take responsibility for feeding himself

I've done nothing wrong.
See above about not taking responsibility even when told bluntly why you are being a bellend.

You're always so sensitive etc.
More emotional abuse and manipulation. Why are you not allowing me to control you?

I said that I need some space for a few days and I was basically told that I was being ridiculous
You are being told that you are not allowed to challenge him, and have feelings of your own. You are 'ridiculous' because its a way to belittle and devalue your feelings by ridiculing you.

and I've been ignored ever since
Controlling behaviour.

Keep at it. The more you do the more you will see the real him and his complete inability to understand why he is a freeloading bellend.

Men like this don't change.

@billy1966 I don't mean to come across like I'm not bothered, or that I'm confused, I'm just feeling really poorly and very tired tonight and am a bit fed up at the moment

At least you get to starfish?

For the love of God woman, why don't you believe you are in control of your own life?!?!

Why don't you want me over tonight? I've done nothing wrong. You're always so sensitive etc. I said that I need some space for a few days and I was basically told that I was being ridiculous

. Did you try “”I though you were only coming over every night because you thought I wanted you to. This should be nice for you too if you were only doing it because you thought it pleased me.”?

Stick to your guns on taking some time without him. That seems really wise. Get the space to decide what you really think about him being around (or not). Then sit down with him and explain how you want the relationship to change and see if he’s amenable (or just end it if you decide you are better off without him anyway). Current reaction doesn’t bode well, but he may just be in a bit of shock and not really have registered that things need to change yet. 4 years and a close relationship with your children presumably meant somethings worked well. You hold all the cards. You don’t have to ratchet up the drama. Give yourself space and time to do it justice.

@droopyears So relish this privacy and having the bed (and the house) to yourself. Feel how comfortable and calm it all is. If you really sit and 'feel' it, I think you'll realize that he really doesn't add all that much to your life in comparison to the peace and financial aspect that he takes away.

I can't believe he just let himself in like that. To just assume he should bee able to enter your home when you are not there speaks volumes about his feelings that it's 'his house too'.

Change the lock. Or just change out the barrels.

I said that I need some space for a few days and I was basically told that I was being ridiculous and I've been ignored ever since

Any person who tells you that your needs, in yours and your children's home, is ridiculous, is not a person you should even respond to and give any further opportunity to ignore you.

Never mind the fact he came to your house against your wishes and without you being there! I'd have asked for me key back right then.

I know you've had your eyes opened these last few days, and I hope that when you're feeling better you can see clearly that this man is not worth another minute of your precious time.

[quote droopyears]@billy1966 I don't mean to come across like I'm not bothered, or that I'm confused, I'm just feeling really poorly and very tired tonight and am a bit fed up at the moment [/quote]
You owe me absolutely nothing OP.

You owe yourself and your children the best.
Because that is what you deserve.

Absolutely no less.

He's a nasty, abusive, domineering, mean, tight, arrogant prick.

We can all read this.

Now you need to too.

Protect yourself.
Protect your children.

You need to change your locks, put the key in the door tonight. Him letting himself in is him marking his territory.

I’m sorry he’s being like this OP. It doesn’t seem like he respects you and what you want at all. He’s being completely unreasonable trying to make out you are overreacting, I think he’s probably just worried that the easy life he has with his needs being met at all the time is being called into question!

Awww he missed his nightly din dins and hoped you'd invite him over.

If he's trying to guilt trip you at dinner times and messaging you continuously just don't respond so quickly. You don't have to answer his every query straight away

He's used to controlling you OP. That's why he let himself in. That's why they always want a key.

When he texts. Don't reply straight away. Watch him stew and see how he handles not getting immediate attention...

You need to tell him 'you've disregarded when I asked you to give me space so I want my key back'.

And whenever he tries to make you're unreasonable, just remember you're entitled to your feelings.

Funny how he isn't solving the situation by doing a big shop or something.

I think it's really chilling that he just let himself into your house after you saying you didn't want him there and that you would drop the item off. Hes making a very big statement there

Oh dear God, there is a pattern here isn't there?

All you can do OP is go with your instincts.

Get your locks changed OP, seriously. If you've got an electric screwdriver / drill and it's a standard upvc door it's easy to do yourself - loads of tutorials on YouTube.

He sounds cuntier every time you post.

Hi OP, glad you had your home to yourself tonight. I agree with the PP that there's no 'suppose' - you are in control of your own destiny, you have relinquished a lot of that to him, no man deserves that amount of power and definitely not him, take back ever square inch of it and enjoy being free. You and your DC deserve it.

I hope you feel better soon and sleep well

He's not ignoring you OP, he's punishing you. I guarantee he'll be sitting at home (in his childhood bedroom?) sulking.

You have the power here so grip it tightly. He needs you more than you need him. Take your time to get your head straight and if you let him back in, make sure it's under your terms.

Can I just say bless you! this must be so tough for you but you need to be strong - please for yourself!

Hope you feel better in the morning

He's actually sounding quite controlling OP. I don't usually jump to say LTB if there aren't major signs of abuse, cheating etc - but in this case he really does sound like a bit of a control freak & a user. And, point scoring (came & got the item while you were out), also petty & vengeful towards your DCs, a bit worrying TBH.

And I agree with PPs. I wouldn't trust him with that key.

Just thought, if you just want some space so you can decide to ditch him, could you tell him you have Covid and are isolating? You'll get 2 weeks of peace!