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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP cross there's no food

999 replies

droopyears · 06/10/2020 19:24

My DP of 4 years has just had a go at me because there is no food in the house. He doesn't actually live with me.
He knows I do my food shopping on a Wednesday so am usually pretty low on a Tuesday.
He seemed really cross that there wasn't a huge menu of snacks available Confused
I just wanted to vent really

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 08/10/2020 16:06

Well, how very obliging of him to prove he is an arse when OP had only just begun to suspect he might be.

I think if, heaven forbid, I were in this situation my text would read something like WHAT PART OF "DO NOT COME ROUND" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?" - but I'm much older and take very little shit nowadays. When I was a lot younger I'd probably have thought it was cute.

It isn't.

EssenceAbsolue · 08/10/2020 16:24

@droopyears

I call him DP as it's easier to write on here. He's obviously not 'Dear' after the behaviour tonight.
and definitely not a partner either, the way he is conducting himself around you
SunshineCake · 08/10/2020 16:50

When he comes round and you allow him to take your food, sleep in your bed etc we will still be here tomorrow to listen but it really is time to make a stand. No matter what happens in the future you need to put your foot down now otherwise he will just get more horrible.

Some men love to get off on treating women and their children like shit.

PornStarOvaltini · 08/10/2020 16:51

Well done OP - sounds like that bed tonight is yours, all yours! ⭐️🐟

lockdownalli · 08/10/2020 16:59

I would pack up ALL his shit and drop it off - just in case.

Arsehole!!

sadmum52 · 08/10/2020 17:01

Send him the direction of the nearest supermarket. When my husband was my boyfriend he would buy shopping every week and then I would cook. That was the deal .

Whosthatgirlitsjess · 08/10/2020 17:18

@TikTakTikTak he spends all his money on extra audacity, now he can't afford food.

I hope OP changes the locks and blocks him, he's an absolute arsehole.

MoonJelly · 08/10/2020 17:20

@droopyears

I wasn't even aware he had any stuff at mine anyway but there is stuff literally everywhere Hmm
I suggest you gather it all up and drop it in with whatever it is he specifically wants, otherwise he'll be using the excuse of "I just need to pick something up" for ever.
GiantKitten · 08/10/2020 17:38

@droopyears

I meant to say that I wasn't minimising what DP said to DC about the game, I just didn't want DC to feel sad about it being an old game as he was so happy to get it, so I said to him that DP was only joking but that it really wasn't a funny joke
I got that when you said it, OP Smile

You are a brilliant mum who puts her kids first. He is a selfish man who clearly puts himself first (& everybody else nowhere).

Nice to see that you are getting mad and standing up to him now. Good luck Flowers

Redlocks28 · 08/10/2020 17:42

What a drain that man is.

Let him go and be a drain on someone else.

BlueThistles · 08/10/2020 18:02

What a drain that man is.

Let him go and be a drain on someone else.

agreed... He drains me and Im just reading about his manipulating controlling behaviour on here... poor OP 🌺

DropOfffArtiste · 08/10/2020 18:16

Hope you are ok OP? If you can't face drastic action tonight, we will still be here and supportive tomorrow.

I know it is easy for posters to say kick him out but I completely understand if your head is still spinning and you need time to process all this.

Standrewsschool · 08/10/2020 18:38

Well done on starting to put down boundaries, and to see through his attempts are knocking them down (ie. picking something up).

MzHz · 08/10/2020 18:38

His reaction is bonkers!

If someone told you that they needed space, would you insist and make all kinds of excuses to make them accept your presence?

Exactly. You wouldn’t.

He’s showing you who he is. He’s not listening to you, not respecting your boundaries, he’s not respecting your home or your family.

He is showing who he is and it’s NOT A GOOD MAN

You do need to insist he stays away, and if he pushes back, you need to end it. There and then.

Enough is enough.

Zofloramummy · 08/10/2020 18:39

OP I was you a few years ago. It got worse, he moved in full time and expected a maid, cook, mum, lover and banker. He was jealous of my dd, used emotional blackmail with skill and prowess.

That man was a financial and emotional vampire. He took no responsibility for the running costs of a home, complained constantly about cleaning and wanting to be waited on, and had very little patience. His level of entitlement was off the scale, BUT he had hid it really well, until he thought he was onto a winner I was the proverbial boiled frog. Fortunately I saw the light fairly quickly and kicked his arse out!

He isn’t a nice man your DP, he is selfish and he thinks about his needs far more than yours. Be free and eat your own snacks, you don’t need this shit.

PullTheBricksDown · 08/10/2020 19:24

He loves to find you things to do, doesn't he? Food shop for him, cook for him, make visits to his relatives when it's their birthday (is he going round himself?) Before you know it he'd be bringing washing round and just sticking it in your machine, then asking you later whether you'd ironed it yet.

TheSilveryPussycat · 08/10/2020 19:33

I suspect his Mummy has always done his washing - and still does.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 08/10/2020 19:51

He's a dementor, he's just sucking the joy out if you.

You are a good mum to your children, you and they deserve better.

HomeTheatreSystem · 08/10/2020 19:54

Ok, regrettably he's shown you that he's a sponging CF who thinks nothing of hitting out at your kids as a means to get at you. Seriously, bin him off ASAP. Everything of his in a bin liner on the door step, change locks ASAP but until then leave your key in the lock so he can't let himself in. He's a vile low life sponging piece of shit.

CiCiFreakingBabcock · 08/10/2020 20:02

@droopyears

I wasn't even aware he had any stuff at mine anyway but there is stuff literally everywhere Hmm
@droopyears He's done a stealthy move in.

He sounds more and more unattractive with each of your posts - I've got major ick from afar! Have a week without him; you'll probably be surprised at how much you enjoy it.

RLABC · 08/10/2020 20:13

OP I really hope you're ok and enjoying a stress free evening with your children FlowersCakeBrew/Wine

TracyMosby · 08/10/2020 20:15

He will show up anyway, so make it so he cannot use his key.

I bet he told his mum that she needed him to move in...

lurkingattheback · 08/10/2020 20:23

It wouldn't surprise me if he turned up with flowers, just so he feels like he 'wins' by getting to stay.

PostItJoyWeek · 08/10/2020 21:34

Did you get a night without his physical presence? Also without his emotional presence? By that I mean did he do something like create a fight or accuse you of being awful so you would be thinking about him all evening or did he keep messaging you throughout the evening? All designed to keep him present in your mind if not in person.

RedToothBrush · 08/10/2020 21:43

@lurkingattheback

It wouldn't surprise me if he turned up with flowers, just so he feels like he 'wins' by getting to stay.
Oh I think the OP has 'The Big Gesture' coming up soon.

But unlikely an acknowledgment of paying bills or staying at home when the op says no not tonight.

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