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Original poster

DP cross there's no food

999 replies

droopyears · 06/10/2020 19:24

My DP of 4 years has just had a go at me because there is no food in the house. He doesn't actually live with me.
He knows I do my food shopping on a Wednesday so am usually pretty low on a Tuesday.
He seemed really cross that there wasn't a huge menu of snacks available Confused
I just wanted to vent really

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 08/10/2020 13:49

And change your locks the first opportunity you get.

Rockinmomma · 08/10/2020 13:50

It’s very concerned he has a key.... any way you can stop him entering your house whilst you’re not there?

Heffalooomia · 08/10/2020 13:51

He believes he has an absolute right of access to you and everything that you own

PeppaPrick · 08/10/2020 13:51

Glad you are asserting yourself, OP. He really is taking the piss, eating your DC food and stealing their precious time with you, time that you'll never get back. When you get home tonight lock your door and leave the key in so he can't unlock, or even better, get that spare key off him while you drop off his stuff.

OhCaptain · 08/10/2020 13:51

Gather up his stuff and leave it at his door.

If you have contact with said relative, send a happy birthday message. That will suffice.

If you need an excuse you say you’ve been unwell and aren’t risking going to see people. To the relative, not to him.

Heffalooomia · 08/10/2020 13:51

@droopyears

I wasn't even aware he had any stuff at mine anyway but there is stuff literally everywhere Hmm
Time to gather it all up and take it back to where it belongs
SBTLove · 08/10/2020 13:52

Bag up all his crap and hand it over in exchange for your key.

newnameforthis123 · 08/10/2020 13:54

@Heffalooomia

He believes he has an absolute right of access to you and everything that you own
This.

He has said not only do I reject your request for me to not come over tonight, I will come over at a time I want to, not the usual time.

Ugh OP sorry to be so blunt but he's an absolute prick, can't you see that?!

He's awful! He's stealing from your children, both money that you could be spending / saving for them AND stealing precious one on one time with you by not ALLOWING (and yes it feels that dictatorial) you to parent your own children the way you want by forcing himself into situations you wanted to be just you and the kids.

I cannot fathom why you want to stay with someone who has a total disrespect of your boundaries not just as a partner but as a mother.

Also you've basically told your son that it's OK for someone to be mean and upset him as long as they say it was a joke. All kinds of unhealthy.

Weirdfan · 08/10/2020 13:55

Any more arguing from him and you need to reply with 'I've said I need space, what part of that do you not understand?' No more playing nice now OP, this is absolutely the hill worth dying on because your ability to have boundaries is at stake.

RandomMess · 08/10/2020 13:56

Collect up everything you can find of his and drop it back!

Original poster
droopyears · 08/10/2020 13:56

I meant to say that I wasn't minimising what DP said to DC about the game, I just didn't want DC to feel sad about it being an old game as he was so happy to get it, so I said to him that DP was only joking but that it really wasn't a funny joke

OP posts:
Graphista · 08/10/2020 13:58

Jesus he's really pushing isn't he?!

it's just more of you saying 'you can't come round' and him saying 'oh yes I can'

Exactly!

Bag up all his crap and hand it over in exchange for your key.

Yes - Seriously enough is enough

NettleTea · 08/10/2020 13:58

oh the 'I desperately need something random Ive left lying around RIGHT NOW' is absolute bullshit.

Drop it off and tell him

And nonono to the 'pop round' for birthday - can you see how he is trying every way to 'win' here, and not respect the perfectly reasonable request for a bit of time for just you and the kids

Id gather everything up, just so that he cant suddenly need ALL those things he left there

VettiyaIruken · 08/10/2020 13:59

You really need to push back on this.
I'm not asking you, I am telling you. Do not come round.

He is sounding worse and worse. At the very least you need to keep him away from your child!

workshy44 · 08/10/2020 13:59

I feel v sorry for you, you sound absolutely lovely but wonder what must of happened in your life to have so little self esteem and self respect. To be so desperate for a man that you would literally pay for one, as that is what you are doing.
He is not even trying to hide it, so little he thinks of you.
Please please dump him so he isn't an example your sons can follow and don't date anyone until you have done the freedom program

GilbertMarkham · 08/10/2020 14:00

Did you want him to come around every night or is that him bullshitting?

(Not that it makes much difference re the food situation).

greyinganddecaying · 08/10/2020 14:02

OP I really feel for you. He's weaselled his way into your life and home (leaving stuff everywhere, turning up uninvited) and is acting as if he's entitled to your food, time, space. I'm guessing it's happened so slowly it's hard to see it happening.

But now you're seeing him for what he is and, whatever you decide about the relationship, you need to protect your boundaries. You need to clearly tell him to stay away from you (I would say at least until after the weekend) and that you don't want to hear from him in that time.

Gather all his stuff up into a box and drop it at his parents and tell him that you want your key back.

If he makes a fuss you tell him that his behaviour has made you realise that you need some space apart. If he doesn't respect that, it tells you all you need to know.

Hope you can have a nice weekend with your children and some time to decide what you want to do.

Original poster
droopyears · 08/10/2020 14:02

@GilbertMarkham No I don't want him round every night, I'm quite partial to a bit of star fishing when I have the bed to myself Smile I've never said to him I want him over every day

OP posts:
indecisivewoman81 · 08/10/2020 14:02

He sounds like a total user. Of course he wants to see you, you make him feel good, you cook him dinner and provide entertainment.

How does he make you feel?

Personally I believe you would be much better off without someone like that in your life.

Crazycrazylady · 08/10/2020 14:02

Seriously op...
You need to get rid pronto!

NettleTea · 08/10/2020 14:05

yes, he has moved in by stealth, apart from when HE wants the me time. And now, when you want some space, he is pushing back.
Its telling that he is writing his wants on the shopping list but expecting you to buy them.

GilbertMarkham · 08/10/2020 14:06

I can't find the original post about the game, bit that's horrible - plus you might have more money for newer games if you weren't feeding an adult man for free (who earns more than you and who presumably has v few costs living at home with his mum (?)).

Scweltish · 08/10/2020 14:09

This response to asking for a single day alone is all kinds of fucked up

MotherofTerriers · 08/10/2020 14:12

He didn't just say he would come round later today as a concession to you because you said you needed space, he said he'd come round later because he was getting a hair cut.

Then when you said no there was something he needed to collect
He is very definately in charge
I'd bag up all his stuff, drop it off and spend the money you save on his food on a new lock. You can find online videos on how to change a barrel, its not too tricky if a locksmith is too expensive

willowmelangell · 08/10/2020 14:12

Pack up his stuff in that box OP. You didn't ask him to move in.

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