DP cross there's no food

[droopyears]

My DP of 4 years has just had a go at me because there is no food in the house. He doesn't actually live with me.
He knows I do my food shopping on a Wednesday so am usually pretty low on a Tuesday.
He seemed really cross that there wasn't a huge menu of snacks available
I just wanted to vent really

Tell him to leave if he's just sittint there sulking!

Say "well if all you're gonna do here is sulk you might as well go, you're not exactly making my evening a pleasant occasion"

I think you are a victim of the boiling frog analogy.

He started off lovely, caring and generous. Then slowly very slowly he has changed bit by bit.

It's only when you take a step back you see his behaviour and his attitude when you call him out on it is very telling!!! Sulking is childish and no
Foundation for an adult relationship.

I will be talking to him once DC's are in bed. I might as well go all in and bring up the other thing that's been bothering me too. When he has his DC, he has quality time with them (I leave him to it). When I have my DC, he is always here too so I feel like I don't ever get any 1-2-1 time with them. I'm sure that will go down like a lead balloon too but oh well

Sorry I've skimmed a bit and mostly read OP's comments but he's very quietly been given and inch and is now taking over a mile... Its not your fault you didn't notice but it looks like he is treating your house as a canteen and as for turning up whilst you are eating and expecting you to drop everything and cook extra for you.. that's outrageous.
He's at your house all the time and contributing nothing. Saving time and effort for himself. Not surprised to hear that he was previously living at his mothers. You say that money is tight and he earns more than you. See what 25% of your monthly or annual food spend adds up to - that's what he should be paying if he's always eating at your house.
It also sounds like he's nice as long as you are feeding and serving him like his mum would but as soon as you stand up for yourself he's mean to the kids because that's a good way to get back at you.
I think you'd be better of without him. He's a sponger and you are not a canteen.

So you went shopping and then fed him by the sound of it. That’s another £5 you’re not going to see again. I hope you stand up to him. Anything other than offering you a decent amount of cash is unacceptable. He knows what he’s been doing.

OP i'm just struggling to understand - did you invite him round tonight? If not, what is he doing there? And who let him in?

@StephenBelafonte He turned up whilst I was cooking dinner. I was rushing around as eldest DC had sport tonight so I didn't notice at first that he had let himself in (he has a key)

@droopyears

I will be talking to him once DC's are in bed. I might as well go all in and bring up the other thing that's been bothering me too. When he has his DC, he has quality time with them (I leave him to it). When I have my DC, he is always here too so I feel like I don't ever get any 1-2-1 time with them. I'm sure that will go down like a lead balloon too but oh well

He'll either sulk and expect to get in your bed still, or he'll flounce back to mummy as a 'punishment' for your daring to start questioning the status quo.

Dear God OP, you are being used by him.

The absolute cheek of him to use you as a restaurant.

To upset your child like that.

You are being used.

I don't wish to be unkind, but how have you not seen this.

Please have some self respect and show him the door.

He is taking money from your children.

Really unbelievable that you haven't noticed a man eating constantly at your home and contributing nothing.

Can you imagine how little regard and respect he has for you, doing this and then giving you shit over snacks.

Again...unbelievable.

Good for you OP, you should really confront him on everything. He should not be here that often anyway, as you need some time for yourself and your children.

Get that key back.

Think I would be asking for the key back and dialling it back to agreed nights each week!

He seems to have moved in by stealth without any financial contribution...

So he turned up univited? Didn't you say anything?

Love - take back control. And your keys.

[quote droopyears]@StephenBelafonte He turned up whilst I was cooking dinner. I was rushing around as eldest DC had sport tonight so I didn't notice at first that he had let himself in (he has a key) [/quote]
If he has a key he has moved in. In which case he pays up or surrenders the key.

He considers your house his home even if you don't.

You are going to struggle to get rid of this tosser...

Also. Just thinking about how did he even help or sympathise when you were feeling ill.. from what I remember of your posts.. all he said was "don't give me your cold".. What use is he?

Glad you told him about the comment to your kid!

Also, I don't claim benefits so no risk associated with that

You must at least have single person council tax rate?

I honestly don't understand why you're gearing up for a long discussion of all the ways in which he's a shit

Just dump him and tell him it's because he's a selfish, greedy, thoughtless, nasty, immature piece of shit!

Not surprised to hear that he was previously living at his mothers. he's still living with his mother far as I can tell, so very likely leaching off 2 women!

First thing you do - get the key off him!

Next hand him a roll of black bags for his stuff

Lastly - Out the door he goes!

You need to tell him that from today you intend to prioritise your dc.
That he is literally depriving them of your time by keep turning up and also materially because he doesn’t contribute to food. Plus he’s teaching them that men can sit on their bums whilst women wait on them( and you’re colluding is this bit).

Wow! I missed that he has a key. Yep, he needs to hand that back! He's abused your boundaries by letting himself in, even though he does not live there.

He's a ponce.
Make him pay half towards the food shop. X

Key = pay up.

The end.

Get the key and get him gone. Let him know that you are sick of his free loading ways and cannot afford to subsidise him any longer.

I doubt that he'll show any remorse - his type never do. He'll just play the wounded victim. Be warned that once he's had time to realise what a good thing he's missing out on (worked out how much cash buying his own food will cost), he might even come crawling back in a couple of days, with a bag of shopping and a bunch of supermarket flowers, offering to turn over a new leaf. I doubt he would be able to make it last for longer than a week or two though.

The only place I walk into with a key that I don't either work in or pay for is my mum's house. And if she cooks, we wash up. And if we stay, we buy a big food shop.

This plonker walks in and out like it's his place and contributes nothing. Not labour, not money, not appreciation.

And if he's that thick that he doesn't get it, I wouldn't be wasting time teaching him.

Hope your talk went well- and you got your key back

@Krampusasbabysitter

Wow! I missed that he has a key. Yep, he needs to hand that back! He's abused your boundaries by letting himself in, even though he does not live there.

Of course he has a key! they always manage to get a key. It helps with the conditioning of the woman that her home is now his.

With every post he sounds worse.
No need for a long discussion- he isn't going to change- tell (don't ask!) him to leave the key and clear off.

You sound like a kind and generous person- don't let this poor excuse of a man spoil your and your children's lives.