DP cross there's no food

[droopyears]

My DP of 4 years has just had a go at me because there is no food in the house. He doesn't actually live with me.
He knows I do my food shopping on a Wednesday so am usually pretty low on a Tuesday.
He seemed really cross that there wasn't a huge menu of snacks available
I just wanted to vent really

@droopyears bloody hell he’s a cunt! He’ll would freeze over before anyone spoke to my dc like that.
I do hope you dump him. He sounds like a complete waste of space as well as him poncing off of you. He’s another mouth to feed, which you’re paying for.

I feel like he's totally in charge of everything in my house and I don't know why

It's because you are letting him.

It's your house, you can say no and take the consequence

I work full time to support my DC, have zero social life as every penny I have gets spent on them.

This is why, reading your posts, I start to feel so cross on your behalf. You are going without yourself, but then allowing him to eat your food and use your utilities at the weekend.

Hope you get some time to think about what is best

I'm glad you snapped at him OP. It's been a long time coming. Don't fuss round him to pacify him, please.

DP & I don't live together & I do 95% of the cooking (I enjoy it, he doesn't), but he often pays the bill in the supermarket & always washes up.

What a cheeky, lazy fucker your bloke is. Has a nasty side too - ugh!

It's a crying shame that your opinion of yourself is so poor that you don't believe you are worthy of respect, consideration and kindness.
Is that what you want your children to grow up feeling too?

He's just awful.
Why is he still your boyfriend?

So glad you have taken him to task OP. Once he has stopped sulking (urrgh!) perhaps a calm conversation can take place where you point out his total piss-take. His reaction will either be a) dear god, i have been a thoughtless twat, it sort of crept up on me and I didnt think. How can I make this up to you or b) he will throw his toys out of the pram.

Then you can make your decision. As pp’s have pointed out, this boiled frog scenario is all too easy to get into. Plus you are obviously kind, generous and a good host so try not to beat yourself up about it.

Hope you feel better soon (and that its just a plain old cold and not anything more Covid-y and sinister).

He is telling you what he is like - so listen!
He is mean with money.
He is mean and spiteful to your children.
He is mean and unhelpful to you.

And now he is sulking on your sofa, like a spoilt teenager.

Is this really what you want for the future? This mean, spiteful cocklodger?

You've got yourself a cocklodger sneaking his way in, and being an arsehole about it too!

[quote droopyears]@Opentooffers No mother should do what I do? I work full time to support my DC, have zero social life as every penny I have gets spent on them. I never buy myself new things, always them. 3 nights a week I take my eldest to a team sport. My kids are happy and healthy and both doing brilliantly at school. But I'm a bad mother? I don't normally bite to comments like that but that's incredibly unfair [/quote]
Best to ignore that one OP.

The people that matter know that's unfair.

I would give him some of my cats tasty food, in one of their dishes. he will only need a little spoon to eat it.

@steppemum

Good grief this thread has gone from sensible advice to 'he is an abuser, chuck him out.'

I don't blame you for losing your temper with him tonight, fair enough, and as you ar eill, and he is sulking, I would send him home for today.
But I wouldn't write off the relationship yet. How about start with telling him that there is an issue around food and money and see what he says.
Not shouting (as pp says, that just makes people defensive)

But saying, clearly, that he is behaving like a sponger.

Surprisingly, there are some people out there who would respond to this by saying - Oh, yes, you are right, I've been taking you for granted, and working out a solution.
Because, unlike some people on here, I happen to have come across quite a few you know, normal people who once their behviour has been pointed out, realise that they have been in the wrong.

of course if he doesn't get it/won't cough up/ protests etc, then you know he is taking you for a ride.
If he actually is repentant and sits down to work out money and who is cooking for the future, then problem solved.

OFGS!

If a grown man needs it spelling out he's not worth bothering with.

The OP has sufficient children of her own, she doesn't need any more.

The casual cruelty to a child would have been it for me. Your kids don’t deserve that. You all deserve better. Good luck.

I would put my foot down and say, "I want you to come round one night a week, we agree this in advance, you do not come round whenever you feel like it" and suggest he pays for a takeaway on that night. If he wants to see you more he can fuck off, your children need your time more.

Just talk to him and see what happens. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been like this, how it started or why. It matters that you don’t like it and want things to change. He will either do so and you’re ok with that or he won’t, or you don’t want to continue anyway. Either way and whatever happens it will be better than feeling how you do now.

Well done on finding your anger - he needs a good talking to. Make sure he realises that teh reason you can only buy reduced "no one plays that any more" games for your children is because HE HIMSELF is sucking up your money; if he doesn't buy your children completely up to date equipment and all the latest games this weekend as a result then he damn well should. And ensure that he pays for all your food shopping for the next xx months, and gives you some extra dosh for the extra power he uses.

OK maybe that's a little exaggerated (actually not sure whether it is).

If he is prepared to make reparations, is obviously ashamed, then maybe he'll be worth hanging on to, but otherwise......

I sympathise op with you not realising until now, but seriously WHY is he STILL there after treating you, your dc and your home like utter shit?!

You're NOT spending all your spare money on the dc because you're spending it on HIM and he doesn't remotely appreciate it!

Could not disagree more with the posters advising "talking calmly" "give him a chance to rectify" etc - their boundaries are through the bloody floor!

And based on both previous and tonight's behaviour this excuse of a man doesn't deserve a second chance.

He won't change in any meaningful way.

He's a nasty, selfish, greedy bully who is now bullying your dc.

GET HIM GONE!

You are as I and others have said, also at serious risk of getting done for benefit/council tax fraud - that will be even more expensive than what he's already cost you.

I reckon he's costing you around an extra £80 a week (food, drink, utilities, toiletries, cleaning products...) that's around £4K a year!

What could you do with that money?

Check if I'm right, go through your bills from before he was on the scene and the ones last year and the ones for the last 3 months and compare the average amount you're spending not only on food and drink, but utilities, entertainment (I think there's a possibility op also has an increased tv package for this guy or similar too) etc JUST as a result of his being in your life?

I think that will give you a shock!

But to be honest I really really don't understand why you didn't show him the door as soon as he spoke so shittily to your kid!

If I'd been in your position him and all his crap would have been out the door so fast they'd have caught fire!

He's a shit! Get rid!

For those of you wondering - I said to my DC that DP was joking about the game, and once DC had gone back upstairs I said to my DP that I was furious he had said that and it was a really twattish thing to do. Cue more sulking

Also, I don't claim benefits so no risk associated with that

Honestly this is like a dripping tap, it starts off with one night a week and before you know it he’s there every night and behaving like an entitled child.

He’s a user and a spoilt child, sulking and being mean to the other kids because his mummy isn’t giving him special treatment.

Life is too short, you deserve better. dump him.

OP, posters have called him a man child several times. The repeated sulking confirms it.

You have fed him again, haven't you? Provided snacks again.

As pp's have pointed out, you DON'T spend all your spare money on your DC - you spend it on him. I bet you bought all his add ons to your list too.

And you still call him your DP.

He's nothing of the sort.

"if you are going to sulk, why don't you just go home instead of making MY sofa look untidy?"

I call him DP as it's easier to write on here. He's obviously not 'Dear' after the behaviour tonight.

OP you are way too good for him.

Please have some respect for yourself and don't let him share your bed after his childish behaviour tonight.

I can't understand why you are being so passive. Stick up for yourself and your children!! You are worth so much more than this!!

He is taking you for a ride, treating your kids like shit on his shoes and you are letting him. Grim.