Page 19 | DP cross there's no food

droopyears · 2020-10-06T18:24:01+00:00

My DP of 4 years has just had a go at me because there is no food in the house. He doesn't actually live with me. He knows I do my food shopping on a Wednesday so am usually pretty low on a Tuesday. He seemed really cross that there wasn't a huge menu of snacks available [confused] I just wanted to vent really

LilyLongJohn · 07/10/2020 18:15

I agree with @steppemum talk to him calmly, maybe even ask him to go home tonight. Some people are idiots and don't realise how their behaviour affects others, once you've spoken to him you can judge if it's worth carrying on with or not.

RedToothBrush · 07/10/2020 18:16

@steppemum

Good grief this thread has gone from sensible advice to 'he is an abuser, chuck him out.'

I don't blame you for losing your temper with him tonight, fair enough, and as you ar eill, and he is sulking, I would send him home for today.
But I wouldn't write off the relationship yet. How about start with telling him that there is an issue around food and money and see what he says.
Not shouting (as pp says, that just makes people defensive)

But saying, clearly, that he is behaving like a sponger.

Surprisingly, there are some people out there who would respond to this by saying - Oh, yes, you are right, I've been taking you for granted, and working out a solution.
Because, unlike some people on here, I happen to have come across quite a few you know, normal people who once their behviour has been pointed out, realise that they have been in the wrong.

of course if he doesn't get it/won't cough up/ protests etc, then you know he is taking you for a ride.
If he actually is repentant and sits down to work out money and who is cooking for the future, then problem solved.

I'd put a £10 on this guy not taking it well if its pointed out that 'oh yeah you are right, i am a cheeky fucky freeloader'.

Tbh anyone who can't identify when they are being cheeky fucking freeloaders and throws a tantrum when his personal slave doesn't feed him enough and then takes it out on an innocent kid probably isn't worth holding onto regardless of whether you deem them to be abusive or not.

Pobblebonk · 07/10/2020 18:16

Did you call him out when he spoke to your son like that?

NeedToKnow101 · 07/10/2020 18:20

Oh god I really hope you tell him to fuck off. I'm a single parent, been there, with that guy, got the t-shirt. These cocklodgers know it's a hassle and money getting a babysitter, so right from the beginning they're saving themselves money as most 'dates' will take place at your home. No wining and dining required.

They know (some) single parents can be a bit lonely and starved of company, especially when the DC are young, making it easier to worm their way into your affections, without much effort. It's a pattern of shitty behaviour. Good luck op I really hope you get rid of the twat.

FourDecades · 07/10/2020 18:21

How nasty of him to say that to your boy. It must have completely took the shine off his present and crushed him in the process

Please really think about the situation you are in

TeamLannister · 07/10/2020 18:24

Don't feed the fucker any further! He's a spoilt scrounger.

Scbchl · 07/10/2020 18:25

Your spare money is actually being spent feeding your partner to be fair. Get him to contribute financially to food or tell him you cant afford to feed him and spend the extra money you will save on food on yourself. Hes a cocklodger.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/10/2020 18:25

@droopyears

He's sulking on your sofa? I wouldn't put up that for one second. Especially since he doesn't even live there.

And upsetting your DS because he was upset??? That's horrible. Like kicking a dog when you're angry

I'd tell him he needs to go home and sort himself out. And that the two of you can discuss the situation after he has.

This man isn't a man. He's a spoilt child. I'll bet his mum lives for the hours he spends at yours and she can get a bit of peace.

MsDogLady · 07/10/2020 18:25

So this greedy deadbeat has now lashed out and humiliated your child? He would already be out the door at my house, never to return.

ColleagueFromMars · 07/10/2020 18:25

Hugs. I hope your find a way to deal with him just perfectly tonight.

preferably roast him

JamieLeeCurtains · 07/10/2020 18:25

I would send him home, and think about how casually he upset and denigrated your child and you, @droopyears, throwing his weight around like that.

WestieW0man · 07/10/2020 18:27

You should pull him up by the short and curlies for making such a dickish off hand comment to your DC. He's taking his annoyance at being told "no" by you out on them. Pathetic.
Good for you for asserting yourself @droopyears

TwentyViginti · 07/10/2020 18:30

@Scbchl

Your spare money is actually being spent feeding your partner to be fair. Get him to contribute financially to food or tell him you cant afford to feed him and spend the extra money you will save on food on yourself. Hes a cocklodger.

This is true. OP is buying extra shopping and changing meals to suit him.

I expect he's been fed a meal now and is starting on the snacks.

Itisbetter · 07/10/2020 18:32

I think settle the kids eating and take him outside to have a chat.

BurtonHouse · 07/10/2020 18:34

Dh, who works incredibly hard to provide for his family, would never dream of complaining about the quality or quantity of the meal I was making for me. He has more consideration and better manners than to do that. No decent person would grumble at the person who was cooking a me for them. On top of that they would clean up afterwards.
You REALLY need to raise your bar and not let this appalling excuse for a human being eat another crust or insult you and your children ever again.

OhCaptain · 07/10/2020 18:34

He was really, really mean to your son, OP which ups the ante here.

You stood up to him so he took his bullying to another smaller, weaker person? That’s so far from ok.

ChocolateCherrybomb · 07/10/2020 18:34

You have a sponger, that's for sure. Bet he's lovely and jokey, the life of the party most of the time. A disarming tactic to keep the freebies coming, all the better with a nice side order of sex and zero responsibility.

DH has a friend like this.

He married young.
Rapidly fired out 6 children with his wife.
Left his wife but stayed "friends", she adores him still.
He moved in with his parents, rent free, they adore him.
His wife (not divorced) claims benefits, lots of benefits so he doesn't have to pay anything.
He has a young girlfriend dangling on a string, who he stays with whenever he feels like it but pays her nothing rentwise either, although even he will pay for some of the shopping.
He spends his wages playing the stock market.
Everybody will feed him, let him stay with them.

He is a massive sponger but because he is nice in general, everyone loves him.

There are so many like these blokes about.

BurtonHouse · 07/10/2020 18:34

Bugger. Making for HIM

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/10/2020 18:35

Good advice from steppemum and pictish.

KatharinaRosalie · 07/10/2020 18:37

have zero social life as every penny I have gets spent on them

You'll have some money left when you stop feeding an additional greedy adult

KittCat · 07/10/2020 18:38

Please tell him to fuck off!

Aerial2020 · 07/10/2020 18:42

@steppemum

Good grief this thread has gone from sensible advice to 'he is an abuser, chuck him out.'

I don't blame you for losing your temper with him tonight, fair enough, and as you ar eill, and he is sulking, I would send him home for today.
But I wouldn't write off the relationship yet. How about start with telling him that there is an issue around food and money and see what he says.
Not shouting (as pp says, that just makes people defensive)

But saying, clearly, that he is behaving like a sponger.

Surprisingly, there are some people out there who would respond to this by saying - Oh, yes, you are right, I've been taking you for granted, and working out a solution.
Because, unlike some people on here, I happen to have come across quite a few you know, normal people who once their behviour has been pointed out, realise that they have been in the wrong.

of course if he doesn't get it/won't cough up/ protests etc, then you know he is taking you for a ride.
If he actually is repentant and sits down to work out money and who is cooking for the future, then problem solved.

For real???

Did you miss the part where he spoke to her child?

Another one saying oh speak to him, he may not realise.

YES HE BLOOY DOES.
And yes, this is how abuse can start.
Not saying he's an abuser but it can start like this. They test your boundaries (this one is food/lodging and what he can get away with) and it gets bigger and bigger.

The way he spoke to the child is also a huge red flag. Another test to see if he can get away with it. If you don't stand up to him over that, he will know he can do it again. And again.

Bully.

OliviaBenson · 07/10/2020 18:44

Oh dear op. You are literally his meal ticket. The audacity of turning up, turning his nose up at what you had made, but to then ask you to make him something else. And you are ill.

I don't think he has any respect for you whatsoever.

Aerial2020 · 07/10/2020 18:49

@BoomBoomsCousin

Good advice from steppemum and pictish.

It's really not.

If you need to explain to a partner that this behaviour is not ok. Especially the way he spoke to her child then you are def in the wrong relationship.
A decent guy would not need explaining it to.
This is why women end up putting up with crap because we are told and taught to be more patient with bad behaviour.
Being single is better than that.

Zaphodsotherhead · 07/10/2020 18:50

Also there's nothing stopping him talking the talk and then not walking the walk.

If he thinks it's really coming to a head, he may well agree to anything you suggest, cooking several times a week, buying food, washing up.... and it lasts a week before he's 'too busy, too tired, and anyway why should he buy food and wash up when your kids don't contribute and anyway THEY should be doing all the washing up, and anyway, he doesn't feel very well so he's just going to lie down....'

They promise the earth. They don't, often, deliver.