DP cross there's no food

[droopyears]

My DP of 4 years has just had a go at me because there is no food in the house. He doesn't actually live with me.
He knows I do my food shopping on a Wednesday so am usually pretty low on a Tuesday.
He seemed really cross that there wasn't a huge menu of snacks available
I just wanted to vent really

'nobber'

Reply to the cf is that if you maybe he'd like to buy a more up to date game for your DC as he must have loads of money with all the savings he's made never paying for any food at your house, or water, electricity, rent etc!

Ask him to leave this evening and to go back to his. And let you have the evening in peace with your kids. He will be raiding your cupboards if he is there. If he wants to eat most of his meals and snacks at your house he needs to contribute half towards the food shopping! Cheeky fecker

Kick the selfish fucker out and tell him not to bother coming back.

Seriously, what is the point of him? You'll literally be better off financially because you won't be feeding and paying extra bill costs that he's running up by being there.

So why is he on your sofa and not out i6f the door? Seriously OP I don't like the pile ons and bullying here sometimes and I'm loathe to join in but you MUST put an end to this. You, and it seems your children now, are being treated like shit by someone who has no right at all other than the possession of a penis. Please get rid!

How dare you say that to the OP opentooffers?

Your imagination is running away with you there and you are posting as though it were fact...to the point you feel justified in being unkind.
Such confidence in your own opinion...but really, you haven’t got a clue.

I feel really sorry for you OP at how you've been taken advantage of. I do hope you're not all sitting down together right now whilst he eats you and your children's food.
It's really great being single- come over and join us happy bunch who are not being drained dry.

@Opentooffers

OP you really need to grow a pair on behalf of your DC. You are actually having your DC 'make do', while quite happy to spend what little you have on a man. No mother should behave as you do. What your BF said to your DC just shows to your son how you have been treating this bobber better than your own child. Words fail at what some mother's will do to cling onto any man they can get. Sorry, but you are a sad case that's quite annoying. Do better by your DC and dump this scrounger pronto, anything less is quite poor.

A little harsh. Maybe OP enjoyed playing happy families with this man arriving each evening for dinner, like a live-in partner, but is now realising how much this is costing her and how little money she has to spare for her DC while feeding and pandering to this freeloader.

He’s using you isn’t he?.

I'm glad you're finding your anger, OP!

I hope you have served your lovely meal to yourself and your children and let the manchild sit and sulk on the sofa?

Please don't let pity make you plate him up a portion!

horrible vile swine has shown his true colours right there

Lovely, he needs to leave. Now.

Don’t feed him, reclaim your sofa and send him back to his mother.

I’m sorry, but you can’t do this to yourself and worse to your kids

Good for you OP! Use this justified rage and let him have it both barrels after you finished your dinner and sorted yourself. Then send this wanknoodle back to his real mum.

Well done OP! Now turn your anger into action. He needs to start contributing- both financially and by helping to cook and wash up. Don't let this just blow over with no changes.

@droopyears

He has also managed to upset my youngest on the way to the sofa. I bought my DC a new computer game today - a few years old so cheap but he was SO excited. He told DP about it and his response was 'Nobody plays that one anymore' I'm actually disgusted

Taking out his temper tantrum on your son should be the thing that sends you over the edge.

Especially since you cant afford to buy something newer cos you are too busy feeding his lazy ungrateful arse.

Dump by text.

Dont let him in.

Hes got loads of stuff at your house, hasnt he? (cos hes moved in without telling you)

Dump dump dump

red flag central

You KNOW he’s there because it’s food shop day!

And now he’s deliberately hurt your youngest to punish you for speaking up

He has to go.

“Mate, I think it’s best if you go home now.”

Seriously, he hurt your baby.... because he was cross with you. Think that’s going to be the first and last time he does that?

No, in the words of the song “if you tolerate this then your children will be next..”

Well they’ve become next now.

I think 'dp' needs to hear a few home truths.

'You don't live here, you don't contribute, you don't help to cook or clear up, I suggest you f*ck off'

Thanks all.

@Opentooffers
It's really not helpful to call someone sad like that.
He's targeted the OP for a reason, her guard is down and it could happen to anyone woman when they're not at their best to stop it straight away.

@Opentooffers No mother should do what I do? I work full time to support my DC, have zero social life as every penny I have gets spent on them. I never buy myself new things, always them. 3 nights a week I take my eldest to a team sport. My kids are happy and healthy and both doing brilliantly at school. But I'm a bad mother? I don't normally bite to comments like that but that's incredibly unfair

Ah you have two kids, that explains it. He's a single mum sponger, they grow like bindweed all over the land in the UK, one to be found on every street corner.
I'm sure all us single mums have experienced at least one, single mums have a home, food and a sofa and will provide sex, if you kick him out he will just move on to another one.
They always behave like this because they have no respect for you and they know another willing single mum is always round the corner.

@droopyears

In your OP you said you just wanted to vent. It never quite works like that because, although most of us have never met, MNers do actually care about others in the community. So maybe you've got some very strong posts that you weren't looking for or expecting. But I hope - and do actually think - that they've helped to open your eyes to what's going on. Good luck (and kick his sorry arse out!)

To go in the huff with you is one thing, but then to take it out on your child is disgusting and unforgivable. He's probably not got the balls to say anything to you because he knows he's a freeloader, but he'll punish your kids instead. He's a bully taking it out on someone smaller than him. That should have been the moment you kicked his icky ass out the door. He's just shown you that your kids are fair game in any future arguments, get rid for their sakes.

[quote droopyears]@Opentooffers No mother should do what I do? I work full time to support my DC, have zero social life as every penny I have gets spent on them. I never buy myself new things, always them. 3 nights a week I take my eldest to a team sport. My kids are happy and healthy and both doing brilliantly at school. But I'm a bad mother? I don't normally bite to comments like that but that's incredibly unfair [/quote]
Bet some else has money to spend on themselves....

Good grief this thread has gone from sensible advice to 'he is an abuser, chuck him out.'

I don't blame you for losing your temper with him tonight, fair enough, and as you ar eill, and he is sulking, I would send him home for today.
But I wouldn't write off the relationship yet. How about start with telling him that there is an issue around food and money and see what he says.
Not shouting (as pp says, that just makes people defensive)

But saying, clearly, that he is behaving like a sponger.

Surprisingly, there are some people out there who would respond to this by saying - Oh, yes, you are right, I've been taking you for granted, and working out a solution.
Because, unlike some people on here, I happen to have come across quite a few you know, normal people who once their behviour has been pointed out, realise that they have been in the wrong.

of course if he doesn't get it/won't cough up/ protests etc, then you know he is taking you for a ride.
If he actually is repentant and sits down to work out money and who is cooking for the future, then problem solved.

OP, you really are beginning to see where all the cracks are in this relationship. I think if I were in your shoes, I would say look ... I’m not feeling too good, you have been greedy and expecting over supper, and you have upset my boy. I think it would be best if you left now, please. I really don’t want you here this evening.’

You can then have some time free of him and decide what you are going to do.

It isn’t too late to ask him to go home x