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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP cross there's no food

999 replies

droopyears · 06/10/2020 19:24

My DP of 4 years has just had a go at me because there is no food in the house. He doesn't actually live with me.
He knows I do my food shopping on a Wednesday so am usually pretty low on a Tuesday.
He seemed really cross that there wasn't a huge menu of snacks available Confused
I just wanted to vent really

OP posts:
Tappering · 07/10/2020 16:59

He's a freeloader. Good luck with the chat OP.

Stand firm and don't let him take the piss out of you.

Original poster
droopyears · 07/10/2020 16:59

Well you may be pleased (or not) to hear that I have just lost my temper with him, which I never do. He has just turned up whilst I am finishing dinner (I knew he was coming), looked at what I've made and said there isn't enough, can I do something else too, or he's going to be starving otherwise

I think it's probably a mixture of feeling poorly, your messages on here and the fact that I can't believe the audacity of him, that he got an earful. He's now sulking (and not talking) on my sofa whilst I finish off dinner Angry

OP posts:
Standrewsschool · 07/10/2020 17:02

I think he’s beginning to show you his true colours. Sad thing is, he probably doesn’t even realise he’s in the wrong.

Stay strong.

EatDessertFirst · 07/10/2020 17:05

Tell him to get off your sofa and fuck off back to mummies. Who does he think he is??

cabingirl · 07/10/2020 17:05

Stay strong.

Don't let him bully you or gaslight you when you let him know how you feel about all of this.

isthismylifenow · 07/10/2020 17:07

@droopyears

Well you may be pleased (or not) to hear that I have just lost my temper with him, which I never do. He has just turned up whilst I am finishing dinner (I knew he was coming), looked at what I've made and said there isn't enough, can I do something else too, or he's going to be starving otherwise

I think it's probably a mixture of feeling poorly, your messages on here and the fact that I can't believe the audacity of him, that he got an earful. He's now sulking (and not talking) on my sofa whilst I finish off dinner Angry

I think a short sharp 'I think you need to leave' is in order once you and the DC settle down with your dinner.
PontiusPilates · 07/10/2020 17:07

You deserve so much better.

Please send him on his way.

Itisbetter · 07/10/2020 17:08

Have you explained?

workhomesleeprepeat · 07/10/2020 17:08

@droopyears

Well you may be pleased (or not) to hear that I have just lost my temper with him, which I never do. He has just turned up whilst I am finishing dinner (I knew he was coming), looked at what I've made and said there isn't enough, can I do something else too, or he's going to be starving otherwise

I think it's probably a mixture of feeling poorly, your messages on here and the fact that I can't believe the audacity of him, that he got an earful. He's now sulking (and not talking) on my sofa whilst I finish off dinner Angry

The cheek of him!! Omg!!

I think you need to tell him to get off your couch and out of your house...for good!!

Original poster
droopyears · 07/10/2020 17:08

He has also managed to upset my youngest on the way to the sofa. I bought my DC a new computer game today - a few years old so cheap but he was SO excited. He told DP about it and his response was 'Nobody plays that one anymore' Shock I'm actually disgusted

OP posts:
StillSmallVoice · 07/10/2020 17:11

It sounds like you would be better off without him.

GinevraPotter · 07/10/2020 17:16

Sounds like he's angry at you and taking it out on your DC. His true colours are starting to show now that he's not getting his way.

Aerial2020 · 07/10/2020 17:16

Sit down to eat without him.

Then tell him he knows where the door is.

What a child.

honeylulu · 07/10/2020 17:16

Rude, selfish, graceless boor of a man!

Please boot him off your sofa and out of the front door, for good!

Minimumstandard · 07/10/2020 17:17

There is enough dinner for you and DC. You know, the people who live there...

pictish · 07/10/2020 17:17

I advised speaking to him while calm for a reason. Not for his sake but yours. As soon as you have a go at someone, even if you are entirely justified, they go straight on the defensive on often launch a counter-attack. It’s human nature. This means there will be aggravation before any sort of resolution is sought. It makes it harder work for you than it needs to be.

You’re so absolutely in the right about this you don’t need to defend your position. Do you see?

People are far more receptive when you can keep your irritation at bay for the purpose of getting your point across.
“I’ve been thinking about the arrangement we have fallen into regarding food...”

Anyway that doesn’t help now. Hope you can find a way to get through to him without too much stress for you. He might well dig his heels in but he’s not correct. He is sponging off you. How he proceeds after the flare up is what will decide it.

Minimumstandard · 07/10/2020 17:18

Dish him out last. After all, you are ill and need to keep your strength up and your DC are growing.

Then think about how it could always be like this... Enough food for everyone without overspending.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/10/2020 17:21

More like dish him out one pea and one piece of pasta. Or give him an empty plate. Pig.

Aerial2020 · 07/10/2020 17:23

This sounds all very familiar. It starts small, you let things go until it's actually a really big issue. And then you realise what you've been putting up with.
I had a comment at the beginning of a relationship when he came round and looked disappointed that he thought I would have dinner ready for him. It only got worse.
I laughed at the time and said er no, whybwould he think that and laughed it off.
I always, always tell guys that I will never mother them cos I already have children. It doesn't stop them trying but I will never be the wife/girlf that does that.
I hate it.
(I do realise the difference between wanting to cook for someone and sharing a meal etc with a partner. I mean the expectation because I'm a woman)
I can see how it's built up Op.
The good thing is you've seen it now.
Good for you.

Heffalooomia · 07/10/2020 17:24

He told DP about it and his response was 'Nobody plays that one anymore
he did that to punish you for standing up to him.
if you are 'good' and play the role of maid he rewards you by being nice to your children
if you are 'bad' and refuse to be his servant he punishes you and your children

burglarbettybaby · 07/10/2020 17:25

I dint know how you fancy him. Dump him as soon as you can. No one needs this shit

Aerial2020 · 07/10/2020 17:25

@Heffalooomia

He told DP about it and his response was 'Nobody plays that one anymore he did that to punish you for standing up to him. if you are 'good' and play the role of maid he rewards you by being nice to your children if you are 'bad' and refuse to be his servant he punishes you and your children
Yep. Abusive in the making
ContessaDiPulpo · 07/10/2020 17:33

He sounds like a miserable twat! Please just ask him to leave, it will be hard to do but you'll feel so much happier afterwards.

Opentooffers · 07/10/2020 17:34

This reply has been deleted

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pointythings · 07/10/2020 17:34

The thing is, you don't need to speak to him calmly. You just need to tell him it's over, and mean it.

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