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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP cross there's no food

999 replies

droopyears · 06/10/2020 19:24

My DP of 4 years has just had a go at me because there is no food in the house. He doesn't actually live with me.
He knows I do my food shopping on a Wednesday so am usually pretty low on a Tuesday.
He seemed really cross that there wasn't a huge menu of snacks available Confused
I just wanted to vent really

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 07/10/2020 10:54

Read back through just your comments OP and see what you would think if someone else had given those answers.

It was bad enough that he complained about the lack of snacks without offering to go out and get something to restock your supplies. The other details you have given about you providing his other meals is just shocking.

You need to address this with him. He's a 3rd teenage child not a partner. You deserve more than that. I expect you have stuff on your shopping list that is just for him and you don't actually even want to buy.

pallasathena · 07/10/2020 11:08

Why do you call him 'DP', when he doesn't live with you? He's a boyfriend not a partner.
And why are some women so desperate to have a 'man', in their lives that they engage in serious cognitive dissonance?
And...why, OP..... are you behaving like a doormat? Where's the self respect here?

SleepingStandingUp · 07/10/2020 11:10

Surely you mistyped DP and meant DC, 5. Tellb him he's rude and if it continues he'll get (35)5 minutes on the naughtyboy step

Taikoo · 07/10/2020 11:57

Cocklodger.

TemptingTess · 07/10/2020 12:01

Please reconsider this relationship. Think of the example you are giving to your kids of what a relationship should be. Find your self esteem from somewhere and make a stand. You won't regret it.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/10/2020 12:14

Sometimes we don't really see these things until someone points them out to us.

This ^

These cadgers don't just suddenly start demanding full board and lodging with no commitment - it starts off slow and gentle - a cup of coffee and a post-work biscuit, and maybe an occasional meal, and these become creepingly more frequent util all of a sudden you realise you've been annexed!

Angelina82 · 07/10/2020 12:18

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Original poster
droopyears · 07/10/2020 12:26

Thank you to everyone who has been nice. To the comments like below, does it make you feel better being unkind? I can't think why else you would be.

I've felt pretty poorly last night and today so my plan is to try and bring it up tonight. He did wake up this morning and say 'best day of the week, Wednesday!'. When I asked why, he answered 'it's food shop day' Angry

OP posts:
SBTLove · 07/10/2020 12:27

Fuck me, he’s bold!!
You should have answered ‘yes and you’ll be paying half’

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/10/2020 12:28

Food Shop Day?

This is your big chance droopyears

Tell him that as he loves food so much - buying it, eating it - he can pay for it and/or cook it too!

2bazookas · 07/10/2020 12:28

So, you're feeding a cocklodger for free. Don't forget to do his laundry and iron his shirts the way he likes them done.

Regularsizedrudy · 07/10/2020 12:29

And still you’ve said nothing to him?

Howlooseisyourgoose · 07/10/2020 12:32

Thank you to everyone who has been nice. To the comments like below, does it make you feel better being unkind? I can't think why else you would be.

Ignore them, they think they're on AIBU Grin

We're behind you 100% OP. Please keep us updated. I will do a little jig when he realises the gravy train has ended.

TwentyViginti · 07/10/2020 12:33

so my plan is to try and bring it up tonight

So you let him stay overnight even though you're ill and he invited himself, and you'll dance round him tonight trying to bring up the fact that he sees you as a shag and a pantry Hmm

Angelina82 · 07/10/2020 12:33

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honeylulu · 07/10/2020 12:33

Bloody hell, he's got a cheek!

Tell him as he eats with you every night (and it sounds like he virtually lives with you if he stays over most nights) and feels so excited at the prospect of dinners and snacks at yours that his household contribution from now on will be to do (and fund) the food shop.

If he objects remind him that you've been providing his meals and snacks and clearing up after him for four years without any contribution so it's definitely his turn for the next four years

Please OP. Do it do it do it!

TwentyViginti · 07/10/2020 12:34

@Regularsizedrudy

And still you’ve said nothing to him?
OP is clearly afraid of losing this Prince amongst men.
FizzyGreenWater · 07/10/2020 12:36

‘Yes, it is. Do you want to get it this week? I’ve noticed that you eat here every evening and don’t contribute a fucking penny. So if you could put your hand in your pocket for once that would be lovely. List is on the fridge, as you know- you’ve been adding to it all week already haha’

Original poster
droopyears · 07/10/2020 12:37

I didn't say anything last night as my DC were downstairs playing a board game with him. I felt ill so fell asleep early. This morning we both got up and went to work (whilst I got youngest DC sorted for school). Which is why I said I would bring it up tonight

OP posts:
TikTakTikTak · 07/10/2020 12:39

He adds to your shopping list, you cook what he fancies and he's excited about you going food shopping?

Oh my God what a prince, he must be amazing in bed 😅

Tell him to pay for ALL of the next two shops and he can go and get it too. Then you can talk about this and lay down some actual rules.
Dont let him keep taking the piss out of you.

isthismylifenow · 07/10/2020 12:42

How often does he stay over OP?

So I assume he is having a shower the next morning, probably breakfast too?

isthismylifenow · 07/10/2020 12:45

@droopyears

I didn't say anything last night as my DC were downstairs playing a board game with him. I felt ill so fell asleep early. This morning we both got up and went to work (whilst I got youngest DC sorted for school). Which is why I said I would bring it up tonight
You don't need to explain to posters why you didn't have the conversation there and then.

I am sure that you will, in your own time and when it suits you. Quite sure too that this all becoming a huge reality to you in one fell swoop is bad enough to digest.

LacroixstOuen · 07/10/2020 12:45

It’s difficult, you are treating him like a guest, but he is taking advantage of your generosity and is really taking the piss out of you with his comments and attitude.

He has it made, a mummy to do his laundry and yours for his grub and shags.

OhCaptain · 07/10/2020 12:47

@droopyears It's funny how things sneak up on us until you have a lightbulb moment.

And if you're sick I can well imagine you weren't up for a confrontation!

Good luck with your talk. He has been a selfish, greedy piss-taker!

Original poster
droopyears · 07/10/2020 12:48

@isthismylifenow It used to be 2 or 3 nights a week but without me really noticing he now seems to stay most nights unless he has his DC. During the week he goes straight to work, no food or shower, but if he’s at mine at the weekend then yes he eats food / uses water etc

Thank you - I wasn't expecting anywhere near so many comments on this, it seems to be a much bigger problem than I actually realised

OP posts:
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