DP cross there's no food

[droopyears]

My DP of 4 years has just had a go at me because there is no food in the house. He doesn't actually live with me.
He knows I do my food shopping on a Wednesday so am usually pretty low on a Tuesday.
He seemed really cross that there wasn't a huge menu of snacks available
I just wanted to vent really

For the love of god why are you allowing yourself to be used and abused? You're sick for gods sake he should be cooking dinner and taking care of you and the children not bitching because your cupboards are bare! Please be sure to wipe the word "welcome" off your forehead tonight

Start afresh. Whenever you eat a meal together, you take turns providing it (shopping&cooking, take-away or meal out). And if one of you cooks, the other washes up after.

@droopyears

Sometimes I have to change what I'm planning on cooking for dinner because he doesn't fancy it that night. But he somehow says it in a way that doesn't sound like he's doing that, if that makes sense. I feel like he's totally in charge of everything in my house and I don't know why

Time to change this and cook what you have planned and tell him to fuck off

[quote droopyears]@popsydoodle4444 We've been together 4 years. He lived on his own then moved back in with his Mother when his Dad died a few years back (as she couldn't cope), and has been there ever since. I own my house. Which explains why I don't go over there much. He has 2 DC. [/quote]
Seriously?

He's a manchild who is taking you for a fool.

Jesus Christ. You need to dump this leech

And I don't know why
Because he's keeping it under the radar so you don't notice.
He's deliberately tricking you, he knows exactly what he's doing.

Is he really good-looking with an amazingly hot body and really really good in bed?

@droopyears

Sometimes I have to change what I'm planning on cooking for dinner because he doesn't fancy it that night. But he somehow says it in a way that doesn't sound like he's doing that, if that makes sense. I feel like he's totally in charge of everything in my house and I don't know why

No. This isn't how it works.

You do the cooking and decide what you are making and everyone in the house either eats it or goes hungry. Why on earth are you pandering to him?

If you feel like he's totally charge of everything in your house then there is one easy way to solve this. Don't let him in...

... don't tell me he's got keys...

I literally couldn't imagine living like this, what does he bring to the relationship? Other than demands?

Sometimes I have to change what I'm planning on cooking for dinner because he doesn't fancy it that night

I have a shopping list in my kitchen that the kids add things to if they run out of something or fancy something in particular and I noticed the other day that he has been adding things to it too

OP, please: get rid of this overgrown manchild sponging off you, and once you've done that and maybe you miss him, then you read these paragraphs over and over. He is a user and an entitled dick, and I hope you free yourself from him. Good luck, sincerely.

Oh OP, I'm sorry you copped some abuse and flack but I think a lot of posters, myself included are really angry on your behalf, while you are still processing the full scale of his CF behaviour. If you want to continue this relationship then you need to get very tough words with this manchild. He needs to give you a sizable about of money to cover food, utilities (he will increase your water and energy bill), plus contribute in terms of washing up and cleaning up, if you cooked. Also, he cannot just rock up and waltz into your house if you haven't made plans. This is not HIS house, you don't live together. He acutally should come and see you after dinner if you still want to see him.

Jeez, OP, I hope the scales are falling from your eyes!! This one would not appear to be a keeper.

This guy sounds like a totao freeloading cocklodger. He's adding stuff to YOUR shopping list without contributing to the cost of it??
He doesn't fancy what you've planned to eat, but he doesn't cook or clean up or contribute any other way?

Get rid of him, you're making a rod for your own back there.

I can see how it happens.

The first few weeks it’s great, you love to cook for him and have him around. Then the weeks turn into months and you barely notice the habits forming.

In most cases the OH will say, look, I’m eating you out of house and home, I’ll do the shopping for you every other week, cook supper for us on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays, using my own ingredients. I’ll wash up, at least share the doing of the dishes with you, we can share news of our days while we do it.

The difference here is that you don’t seem to have noticed any of this. I think a lot of people would have said something long before now. Four years is a long time to put up with such selfish behaviour.

The good thing is that you seem to be waking up to the fact this is a very unbalanced relationship. The question is, what are you going to do about it? I think you need to take a long hard look at things and decide what you want, how you want your life to be. Do you really still want to be with him, or have you just slipped into this non-partnership? If you want him to stay in your life, then it’s time to set some new rules. Like him contributing to the shopping, cooking and washing up. Not turning up in your doorstep unannounced. And soon.

Sadly, I feel that if you have to explain all these things out to him, then he might not be worth the effort.

droopyears what are you getting out of this relationship?

he's living off his Mum and you? What does he spend his wages on?

Are you his Mum?

OP, the more you reveal about his behaviour, the worse he sounds. Jeez, even if he's brilliant in bed, surely that doesn't outweigh all his selfish behaviour? (In any case, you could probably survive without his... err... input. Vibrator?)

This is an atrocious situation. I can't believe he's not even contributing, even though !he has a say in what you eat and earns more than you!

Either kick him out for good and find someone who appreciates what you do, or make him contribute financially for food. And cooking and washing up.

You'll be doing his washing next!

Which must be considerable as he doesn't appear to have had to fork out to feed himself for the past four years. exactly my thoughts

Wouldn't be at all surprised if op turned round and said he was saving for a deposit on buying HIMSELF a house!

@AgentJohnson thanks

I really want to scream on a daily basis on here

BEING SINGLE IS A VAILD AND AMAZING CHOICE!

Threads like these always affirm my happiness at being single!

@RainingBatsAndFrogs he's 35, he felt perfectly able to rant at op at her NOT providing for him despite his shitty behaviour he ain't gonna change!

He earns slightly more than me. then at the very least he should have been ensuring you were "going halves" bet his savings account looks nice and healthy - hows yours?

Honest to god op in your position if he were here with me well HE WOULDN'T BE!

Why have you not shown him the door?

If every woman said no to entitled men, they'd soon die out!

Yep! Unfortunately we seem to be going back the way rather than evolving!

Men have somehow convinced us that not marrying, working, using contraception (one plus at least) means we are "feminist" and "independent" while they are even less "manly" than previous generations who may have managed their marriages along gendered lines BUT still treated their homes, wives and children with respect and considered it shameful not to "provide"

Makes me so angry

I've just been told not to get too close to him as he doesn't want to catch my cold

Ffs!

Op THROW HIM OUT!

He's in YOUR home, he has no right to be there if you tell him to go!

Genuinely asking again - are you scared of him?

Your children are also going to be learning from this

Learning that

You can be taken advantage of! If they're not teens yet when they are you will regret this!

Women only exist to serve men

Men can treat women however shittily they like and women just have to put up with it

Is that REALLY what you want to teach your kids?

Jesus you're ill, a single mum and it hasn't even occurred to him to step up and be of bloody use!

Just had another thought - if he's staying over at yours most nights and you're claiming any single person benefits op, and you must surely be getting single person council tax at least, you could well fall foul of the fraud rules even without him contributing! Can you afford a massive fine and face possible custodial sentence?

then moved back in with his Mother when his Dad died a few years back (as she couldn't cope) I very much suspect his dad had his number and he wheedled his way back in when his mother was grieving and vulnerable!!

Does he have contact with his dc?

Yours are old enough to notice what he's getting away with and to start emulating him!

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY SOME ANGER

YES!!

🍾🎉🎊

Why?

Because HE is a master manipulator

Because you let him!

He's a low level con artist!

DUMP DUMP DUMP

HE'S VILE op

He is literally stealing from you and your kids - by stealth - but still

I don’t understand how you could have dated him so long and not been able to address the fact he doesn’t cook, wash up or help pay for food.

I’m glad to read that the fog is finally lifting.

You now need to dump him, as the money you earn is not only supporting your DC, but a free loader who earns more than you do.

Men have somehow convinced us that not marrying, working, using contraception (one plus at least) means we are "feminist" and "independent" while they are even less "manly" than previous generations who may have managed their marriages along gendered lines BUT still treated their homes, wives and children with respect and considered it shameful not to "provide"

So true

I hope you are reading all these replies and really taking on board what a total mug he is taking you for!!!

I bet his mum refuses to buy food for him.

Your menu plan for next week is a load of meals that he normally hates, right.