DP cross there's no food

[droopyears]

My DP of 4 years has just had a go at me because there is no food in the house. He doesn't actually live with me.
He knows I do my food shopping on a Wednesday so am usually pretty low on a Tuesday.
He seemed really cross that there wasn't a huge menu of snacks available
I just wanted to vent really

So let’s see....
Lives with mum, prob mollycoddled ✅
Treats OP like a hotel ✅
Earns more, gives nowt ✅
OP earns less and he’s a user ✅

He’s onto a good thing here, virtually no outgoings whilst draining OPs finances ✅✅✅

*and

I don’t know where swans came from

[quote droopyears]@nimbuscloud One is a pre teen, the other a teen, and they both absolutely love him [/quote]
of course they do, it's much easier to get away with treating you badly if he can first secure their loyalty
(psst, he knows EXACTLY what he's doing)

Give him a list and off to the shops he pops

Bet he’ll have his hand out for money though and that’ll tell you all you need to know

So he’s a ponce and a rude one at that.

Ah, so you're a nice accommodating bolt hole for him to escape his mother's house.

I bet he's living there for free. He doesn't even have to buy his own food, because you provide that.

He must have a nice little nest egg after 4 years of this - while you get poorer.

Not a great model relationship for your DC to look at. Man lives free. Woman will provide.

I hate to say this but....

I suspect he will 'suddenly' believe in marriage if another woman comes along that he really falls for. He can't possibly love you and still treat you like this, even if he says he does. He treats you with the same kind of remote affection that he does his mother. He doesn't help you with the housework, he just turns up, what, TV on, feet under the table, banging his fork on the table waiting to see what arrives?

No no no no no. He's taken advantage of you good and proper, OP. It's crept up on you slowly, but you are falling for everything he says. Like I said, I reckon he'll do a miraculous U turn on the marriage subject when the right woman comes along.

I can't understand why you appear to be less angry about this situation than I am, and I'm just some random on the internet who doesn't know you or him. Honestly, I want to come round there myself and tell him what a pointless waste of skin he is. I ask again - what are his good points? And as a pp has asked, when does he actually see his own kids? Next you'll be telling us he brings them round to yours and yiu have to feed them too.

When you go shopping tomorrow please please please buy loads of things you like that he doesn't. And also you need to have a frank conversation with him about the equal distribution of resources in this relationship.

@Viques

OP, the relationship all sounds a bit one sided - in his favour.

Do his DC live with him at his mother's house? Whilst it's probably true that his mother was struggling to cope alone after his father died, it might also be the case that he moved back in there after splitting from his DCs' mother, as a rent free option, but likes others to see him as doing it to help his widowed mother. He sounds like a user/part time cocklodger.

Omg Op! I have just caught up with your posts. He lives with his mother. Quel surprise. He is a manchild cocklodger! He is taking you for granted in so many ways.

Were you single long before you met him? Being single is way better than being with a waste of space who takes the piss. Sadly loads of women don’t seem to think so.

Would your life be harder or easier without him in it mooching has creating extra work?

Your children are watching you and this shitty dynamic. Do you expect more or less of them when it comes to pitching in than you do him?

So...

He turns up every day expecting to be fed
Does not contribute either to the cost (food, cooking ) or to the tiding up afterwards.

He complains when you fail to supply the kind of snacks he prefers.

Quite the catch you got there.

At least he hasn't moved in yet.

Sometimes it takes a stranger to spot things for you. What are you going to do about it?

So what exact does he contribute to the relationship, financially? He’s at yours most nights, so food and booze are being consumed, food your dc should be eating? Why do you make him not contribute? If he wants to eat, he needs to bring the food.

His DC live with their Mum and he sees them every other weekend and sometimes the odd night in between. He doesn't bring them to mine

I have a shopping list in my kitchen that the kids add things to if they run out of something or fancy something in particular and I noticed the other day that he has been adding things to it too

I just don't know how I've not noticed all of this before

@droopyears

He has dinner at mine most evenings but no he doesn't ever really bring food with him.

My ex did this. He started putting orders in for what he wanted, then complaining if I didn’t make that particular thing. In MY house.

Hence why he’s an ex.
Should you stay in this relationship the socially ‘normal’ thing to do is eventually move in together.
Do you really want to live with someone who can’t be arsed to fetch something with him on a Tuesday when he knows fine well that you shop on a Wednesday? No excuses for being a ‘man’ - he’s a CF and if he wants to binge on junk food (usually quite expensive, too) then he can contribute or suck it up —or fuck right off—

Or he could go and get his own snacks like the man child he is.

Op, stop wasting your life on him. He has nothing to offer and is no example to your children.

End it.

Sometimes I have to change what I'm planning on cooking for dinner because he doesn't fancy it that night. But he somehow says it in a way that doesn't sound like he's doing that, if that makes sense. I feel like he's totally in charge of everything in my house and I don't know why

I have a shopping list in my kitchen that the kids add things to if they run out of something or fancy something in particular and I noticed the other day that he has been adding things to it too

FUCKING HELL. He's beyond a cocklodger.You may as well hand him your bank card.

Can't believe he's adding things to YOUR shopping list!

He is literally stealing off a single mum. I knew you'd have kids - I knew you'd have your own home and that he'd be sponging off someone in his family.

You know, this isn't funny, it's really disgusting. How dare he come into your house and eat your food while making no contribution at all? Talk about entitled. And adding shopping to your list, complaining when there's nothing in for him... God, this man should be dumped immediately. He's a disgrace.

Well stop it then OP, you are enabling this behaviour. You are paying for it all and he’s dictating what he fancies for meals?? He’s a cheeky bugget

Mother of god, why are you letting him get away with this. All he does is take and dictate!