Large age gap of 19 years. I'm an idiot.

[Homer101]

Hi ,
I'm a dad to two 12 year old girls. Separated for 18 months from their mum. I turned 40 this year. I've been stupid I think. Iv started to fall for a 21 year old women at work. She has a 2 year old and shes also signal . She also has feelings for . Iv have tried to put her off a couple of times. I've tried to put all feelings to the back of my brain a few times too. We haven't done anything physically. We have met for coffees outside of work and talk every day outside of work.
I didn't think thered be anything in it. Didn't think there would be amy future in it. I didn't think she'd even be interested in me like that when we first started talking and becoming mates.
I'm an idiot for falling for her ,for thinking there could be any future in it

Sorry my mind is scrambling already at my young age! My partner was 47 when we met not 43.

@AnyFucker

Sam Taylor-Wood is a fucking creep too

Aye..

Quite a few women in show biz are creepy.

[quote Totickleamockingbird]@JunkCrumpet
You wouldn’t debate with me because you have no answers.
And no, age doesn’t determine maturity. If you pay attention, you will realise that I used your example of a girl who is a solicitor at 21. Imagine how mature she would be at 40? Now imagine what she, herself will think at 40 of her own maturity at 21? People who are already smart will be smarter at 40 and even wiser at 50. Why is that hard to understand?[/quote]

@JunkCrumpet
Really? 🙄

I don’t think it’s a big deal - but the. I know relationships with similar age gaps

OP, would you go for her if she was 40? Be honest with yourself.

If the answer is no... well, draw your own conclusions there.

People: Stop giving this kind bloke a hard time.
Op: if you are an outdoor Instructor I bet you have a great body and look 5-10 years younger than the “sales/IT blokes” your age and a better body than most of the twenty with moobs brigade. Be friends, see what happens, don’t listen to women on the interweb.

Creepy and generally Bleurgh OP. You did ask for opinions.

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

People: Stop giving this kind bloke a hard time. Op: if you are an outdoor Instructor I bet you have a great body and look 5-10 years younger than the “sales/IT blokes” your age and a better body than most of the twenty with moobs brigade. Be friends, see what happens, don’t listen to women on the interweb.

What’s his body shape got to do with it?! This guy is old enough to be her dad. His kids are only 9 years younger 🤢

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

People: Stop giving this kind bloke a hard time. Op: if you are an outdoor Instructor I bet you have a great body and look 5-10 years younger than the “sales/IT blokes” your age and a better body than most of the twenty with moobs brigade. Be friends, see what happens, don’t listen to women on the interweb.

This is what is wrong with ‘we find younger people attractive’. A solid, strong relationship is built on things other than a body that looks 5-10 year younger than it is.

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

People: Stop giving this kind bloke a hard time. Op: if you are an outdoor Instructor I bet you have a great body and look 5-10 years younger than the “sales/IT blokes” your age and a better body than most of the twenty with moobs brigade. Be friends, see what happens, don’t listen to women on the interweb.

So you want to dispel what you perceive as cliches with something like this? Basically you are overcompensating for the age gap by promulgating he has a hot body.

I don’t think it makes you a bad guy for fancying this woman (young, young woman) but I think it would be a bit sleazy to pursue this. Despite her having a child as well, you’re at entirely different life stages. Of course it might work but it’s far more likely that it won’t... and honestly I think it would impact your daughters in a way that wouldn’t do your relationship with them any good at all.

FWIW I went with my boss when I was 21, he was 35. We had an intense ‘thing’ for a few years, on and off, and while it was exciting and sexy at the time, I look back now and just find it a bit.. tacky. I was so very young, just out of a long term, horrendous relationship and he seems mildly pathetic to me now tbh, for seeing that and deciding to make his move... and he was younger than you are now, had no children and no divorce under his belt.

@Homer101

Is it possible to be friends ? My aunt married somebody 24 years older. He's almost 83. I don't know that's she had ever regretted it exactly but I think it's hard for her compared to my mum and Dad, my mum only a little older than my aunt but is married to a fit 60 year old who goes running and looks ten years younger. If you are serious about dating someone that much younger it's possible that she could be in my aunts situation one day. It's a big undertaking; if you were friends for a few years and she got older and you both still wanted to date then you are both consenting adults.

I have consistently gone for older guys, generally around 12 years older and that was from the age of 18, my current partner is older than my stepmom. Not one single person in my friends or family have ever commented on this. The only people that matter are the 2 of you and your immediate families

@Homer101

My sisters partner's parents have an age gap that's also around 25 years, the mum was in her 20s and the Dad was divorced with 3 kids.

He's late 70s and hugely fit for his age but again the Mum will most likely become a career and be widowed before most of her friends.

If you were going to get together it would be ethical for this woman to speak to a widow who had nursed a much older partner because at 21 she may not have a full understanding of what it entails.

I’m in a relationship with a bigger than average age gap (not 19 years). I think the age gap is ok. But I think the fact that she is 21 is not ok. She may be more mature because she has a child etc. But 21 is very young.

She’s closer in age to your kids than you.

Ultimately, it’s nobody’s business but yours and hers. I’d be prepared for potential for babies in the future though, so worth thinking about if you’d be happy to start fatherhood again (this was a conversation my partner and I had to have)

@Someone1987. I honestly wouldn’t be jealous if my DH went off with a younger woman. I’d be hurt and angry, but not jealous of her situation. Truth be told, she’d be getting the thin end of the edge as I’ve had him while he was young! She’d been getting a middle-aged man years older then her and would probably end up caring for him.

That’s one reason I hope my DD doesn’t go for an older man. I don’t want her to waste her youth.

Sorry but thats pervy. Id hit the roof if my daughter dated a 40 year old man at that age.

I’m 42. To me a 21 year old is a kid.

Also very much disagree that any 21 year old is more mature than another 21 year old because they got pregnant at 19.

I would see how things progress for a while, then you will be able to see how things pan out between both of you.. Age gaps are not always a problem to be sure.

@spiderbride

OP, would you go for her if she was 40? Be honest with yourself.

If the answer is no... well, draw your own conclusions there.

Yes I would as it happens

You are both two consenting adults so go for it bearing in mind the relationship may or may not last , regardless of the age gap. Big age gaps don't seem to have bothered Bojo/Clooney and many others, and I wouldn't worry too much about it. Some work out, some don't, just like any other relationship. Don't worry if others will judge. If people don't judge you on this, they will find something else to judge you on. As long as you, her and your daughter's are happy and neither of you are breaking the law , that's all that matters. Good luck.