@WhyCouldThisBe
Men like him dont change, despite the promises and the apologies.
He is telling you what he knows will work on reeling you back in.
Once the anger subsides and the adrenalin stops you come crashing down and start questioning if what he did was that bad.
I think seeing him as a good dad and husband this weekend is really tough on you and makes it harder to stay strong.
My ex husband had loads of emotional affairs over 17 years, i stayed because he threatened to kill himself but each time after a week of ignoring him or shouting at him i would calm down and what he did never seemed that bad.
I didnt think it affected me, i eventually hardened my heart and just kept ignoring what he was doing.
After 9 years i decided to leave when our daughter turned 18, I'd done 9 years with him and i knew i could do another 9.
In the end i couldnt, after years of not checking his phone or emails, one day i checked them and he had been chatting to a woman and asked her on a date.
I knew i had to get out this time and not brush it under the carpet so i told everyone what he had done and the marriage was over , pride stopped me changing my mind but it was hard, 2 weeks after i found the messages i started to lose my resolve and wondered if what he did was so bad.
I spoke to friends who reminded me that ultimately it was my decision but how many more years could i put up with him.
I then realised that he had no respect for me and clearly didnt love me otherwise he wouldnt do those things.
I also realised that even though i thought i got through unscathed actually i had really low self esteem and confidence, i thought there was something wrong with me and that is why he kept having emotional affairs.
Only you can decide what is right for you and your family but remember that years ago you caught him looking at escort websites, he said he used it like porn, in all likelihood he wasnt, he was probably booking in his next visit.
You had an argument and his first thought was to visit an escort,most men would drown their sorrow with alcohol or maybe drugs but he went to the effort of booking an escort.
Presumably he didnt use protection otherwise why did he want a test?
He then had unprotected sex with you, not even caring anout your health.
How can you trust him in the future if during an argument his first thought is to book an escort?
He had this planned otherwise how did he have cash to pay her?
He either has a secret account or he gets cashback and stashes the cash until he needs it.
This is just sneaky behaviour.
Yes you have a good lifestyle because of his job but do you want to stay with someone for material gain and not because you love and respect each other?
He might be a good dad but he can be a good dad even if you split.
Of course the children would ne upset but they would get over it and it would become the new normal soon enough.
I hope he has other redeeming qualities that you haven't mentioned because right now eberything points to him being a lying, untrustworthy twat.
Maybe you like menlike that.
Dont be like me and put up with this behaviour for years, it drags you down and affects you in ways you dont even realise until you are out of the situation.
I've been seperated 2.5yrs and divorced just under a year.
I love my life, no worrying what he is doing on his phone and pandering to him all the time.
Everything i do is for me and my kids who are now adults.
I would never let a man treat me like that ever again, i have self worth now.