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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why has DH called a sexual health clinic

167 replies

WhyCouldThisBe · 30/09/2020 03:42

I’m having a sudden bad feeling he’s cheated or why else would he call a sexual health clinic. Saw the number on his phone as somewhere he called at 9am recently - it came up as sexual health clinic due to his phone automatically guessing the number and he stayed on the line for 44 seconds. Is there any other reason other than a STI check why a guy would call that number? Funny stuff going on with his bits?? Weird feelings down there? Pain? I don’t know. He hasn’t mentioned any issues down there and we have had unprotected sex since he called the number. As far as I know he hasn’t attended an appointment so I’m wondering what on earth this call could be about. Yes I could ask him but then I wouldn’t be able to explain why I looked at his phone (I was snooping). Help please!

OP posts:
022828MAN · 01/10/2020 09:49

Gosh I've just read you updates OP. I'm so sorry you're going through this but you CAN get through it! Flowers

Nestme · 01/10/2020 11:25

Send everything to a cloud account too OP. Stay strong.

Keratinsmooth · 01/10/2020 15:45

You are remarkably calm and strong, no advice but massive respect to you OP

Lsquiggles · 01/10/2020 15:52

I am in awe at your strength OP, your dh definitely doesn't deserve you. Take him to the cleaners and make a wonderful life for yourself with your children. I too hope his dick rots off Grin

Original poster
WhyCouldThisBe · 01/10/2020 17:53

Just looking at his skanky face makes me want to vomit today. Would love to leave but sadly had a lot of work to do today!

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyCouldThisBe · 01/10/2020 17:54

Thanks all. Feeling strong, phoned a solicitor - getting my ducks in a row as they say...

OP posts:
bebarkered · 01/10/2020 18:04

Quack Quack OP xxx

Greenkit · 01/10/2020 18:08

So sorry he is a sleeze.

Just think about you and the children now.

How old are they?

Maskedcrusader · 01/10/2020 18:21

Oh wow that all happened very fast eh!. You couldn't make it up

Graphista · 01/10/2020 23:05

I had a shit first lawyer op, ended up getting a recommendation for someone else with another firm from one of their secretaries! (Met her outside of work but still a bit naughty) 2nd lawyer was much better

Ask others for recommendations, these days there might even be a reviews site or 2?

Quick google says yes and my lawyers are both still around and the reviews ratings reflect my experience of them

Or you could name change on here and ask in legal stating rough location - nearest city or borough?

Glad you're doing a bit better today. You got this

TitsOutForHarambe · 02/10/2020 00:17

Wow, I'm honestly in awe of how strong and composed you are

Original poster
WhyCouldThisBe · 02/10/2020 00:52

I think it’s the stages of grief thing.... I’ve been through denial and anger ...what I feel now is a combination of acceptance and just not giving a shit anymore. Quite excited to get started actually

OP posts:
aproblemsharedisaprobleminhalf · 02/10/2020 01:22

@WhyCouldThisBe

I think it’s the stages of grief thing.... I’ve been through denial and anger ...what I feel now is a combination of acceptance and just not giving a shit anymore. Quite excited to get started actually
We are all proud of you OP. Stay strong Thanks
justilou1 · 02/10/2020 01:48

I realise it’s all fucking awful, but if it helps, I’m really proud of you for not being one of those soggy women who stands idly by trying to turn it into something else so they don’t have to mobilize, even though they know what a grub they’re living with.

BestUseADifferentName · 02/10/2020 02:21

Hi OP. The same thing happened to me. I found out mine had been seeing prostitutes after he accidentally sent me a text message meant for one. He said it was the first time and he wouldn't have gone through with it etc. I slept on it but woke up in the morning knowing it was horse shit. I got him to show me his internet banking and he finally had to admit it had been going on for three years. We've been separated over a year now. He wanted us to stay together but there was no way.

It still makes me sick thinking about it now. And the thought that some day our daughter is going to ask why we split up makes me feel sicker still.

Flittingaboutagain · 02/10/2020 05:09

Hi OP. This happened to a friend and it turned out he had squirreled away money to pay for sex services in cash from getting cash back every time he got petrol. Lying bastards.

He is of course right that you can get STIs from non pen sex so do make sure you get tested if you haven't already as sadly this may have been going on for years.

Everytime he tries to wear you down think genital warts and his face on another woman's body parts.

You will be OK.

Dancingwithdaftness · 02/10/2020 08:23

This is awful. How old is he OP and the children - I can't remember whether you mentioned ages.

Manxiety · 02/10/2020 08:32

There are lots of bank accounts that are totally online now too OP, so he may have set one up.
Sorry you are going through this. Please remember it's not about you. It's about him. It's about sex. I think men can separate the two. I'm not condoning what he did and think you have the right attitude and response to it but don't feel any guilt or responsibility - reading MN should remind you if how common this actually is. Take care of yourself.

Original poster
WhyCouldThisBe · 02/10/2020 23:15

I told my parents today. I felt awful telling them, I know it’s made them feel sick. But their support has been amazing.

I deal with all the post so yes it would have had to be an online bank account. Or he’s taken out very small bits of cash frequently ages ago for this purpose as there are no larger withdrawals.

I’m so sorry to hear that others have been through this sickening experience but glad you all made it through to the other side and have no regrets.

@Dancingwithdaftness He is 41, I’m 38, kids are 10, 7, 5, and 2 - older three go to school. Youngest goes to nursery. We both work full time and apart from all this shit we’ve been really happy to be working from home all this time.

Really hope I don’t get screwed over financially in the divorce!!

OP posts:
SoulofanAggron · 02/10/2020 23:22

I think it’s the stages of grief thing.... I’ve been through denial and anger ...what I feel now is a combination of acceptance and just not giving a shit anymore. Quite excited to get started actually

If you find you cycle through various emotions then don't feel there's anything wrong. These things take their own time.

VivaMiltonKeynes · 03/10/2020 01:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LilyWater · 03/10/2020 01:09

@WhyCouldThisBe

I called the number. 44 seconds is just enough time for them to get across their web address where you can order a kit, over the automated message, he must have hung up after that. Maybe he ordered one, I don’t know. He was staying away for a few days after we had a big row. My stomach is in knots. I have caught him “browsing” escort websites in the past claiming he used it like porn, and no evidence he ever actually paid one for sex, but I think this last fight happened and he may have decided to go for it. However I have access to the only bank account he uses and he hasn’t taken out any cash in forever nor was there any strange spending around that time so I’m wondering how he paid for the escort - some of you may think it could be with a person he knows but he literally has no female friends or acquaintances and as you can tell from my OP he’s pretty shit at hiding things from me. No idea how to approach this with him today.
Escort websites!! Shock

OP I'm so sorry but your sexual health is at real risk here. Please get checked

WinifredSanderson · 03/10/2020 02:17

A lot seems to have happened in a very short space of time. Your head must be reeling.

Isthisit22 · 03/10/2020 07:19

You are being so strong OP.
Make sure you get all his financial details then tell him that if he doesn't leave you'll tell his parents, friends, etc that he's been to a prostitute, then ordered an STI test, then still had unprotected sex with you (which should be a criminal offence as he could have harmed you physically) 💐

Original poster
WhyCouldThisBe · 03/10/2020 08:28

Thank you all. The dumb idiot didn’t even end up ordering the test kit, just called the bloody number and hung up after listening to the automated message. Can you believe that?? Literally did not give a shit about my health as slept with me just a few days after shoving it in a hooker. Anyway I’m taking a test before he does. In covid times as well how bloody sleazy, pathetic and stupid do you have to be to go and shag a random and one who’s been shagging all sorts too. Still disgusts me.

@VivaMiltonKeynes what a strange comment. To answer your question, yes.

OP posts:
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