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Original poster

Why has DH called a sexual health clinic

167 replies

WhyCouldThisBe · 30/09/2020 03:42

I’m having a sudden bad feeling he’s cheated or why else would he call a sexual health clinic. Saw the number on his phone as somewhere he called at 9am recently - it came up as sexual health clinic due to his phone automatically guessing the number and he stayed on the line for 44 seconds. Is there any other reason other than a STI check why a guy would call that number? Funny stuff going on with his bits?? Weird feelings down there? Pain? I don’t know. He hasn’t mentioned any issues down there and we have had unprotected sex since he called the number. As far as I know he hasn’t attended an appointment so I’m wondering what on earth this call could be about. Yes I could ask him but then I wouldn’t be able to explain why I looked at his phone (I was snooping). Help please!

OP posts:
ScottishStottie · 30/09/2020 07:24

I doubt 44 seconds is long enough to speak to someone at a sexual health clinic. They normally have a load of 'if your call is regarding xyz, please press 1' before you get through to someone dont they? And probably a massive long automated message about covid etc like every other company atm.

Bluntness100 · 30/09/2020 08:41

There is no way you get through to a sexual health clinic and either ask and answer questions or give results in 44 seconds.

Original poster
WhyCouldThisBe · 30/09/2020 09:07

I called the number. 44 seconds is just enough time for them to get across their web address where you can order a kit, over the automated message, he must have hung up after that. Maybe he ordered one, I don’t know. He was staying away for a few days after we had a big row. My stomach is in knots. I have caught him “browsing” escort websites in the past claiming he used it like porn, and no evidence he ever actually paid one for sex, but I think this last fight happened and he may have decided to go for it. However I have access to the only bank account he uses and he hasn’t taken out any cash in forever nor was there any strange spending around that time so I’m wondering how he paid for the escort - some of you may think it could be with a person he knows but he literally has no female friends or acquaintances and as you can tell from my OP he’s pretty shit at hiding things from me. No idea how to approach this with him today.

OP posts:
LorW · 30/09/2020 09:23

I can’t see why if it was an innocent thing where he was concerned about something ‘down there’ or whatever he wouldn’t tell you OP, cause I know if my DH was worried about anything he would tell me.

Just come straight out and ask him. To be honest his reaction to you asking him is probably all you need. No point worrying about it like this, the truth will come out eventually it always does. Listen to your gut, most of the time it will be correct.

mindutopia · 30/09/2020 09:39

There are lots of reasons that people can go to a sexual health clinic that don't mean they're cheating (I work in sexual health). We deal with lots of genitourinary issues that a GP won't touch. If he has developed symptoms (a bump, discharge, pain, etc.), then GPs will often advise seeing someone in GUM. You also don't need a referral and there are quick walk in services, so it's an easy place to be seen. It doesn't necessarily mean an STI or infidelity. But if you are checking his phone, then it seems you suspect there is more to it than this.

Bluntness100 · 30/09/2020 09:42

Where was he staying when he was away? He could have had a one night stand during that period. With someone he met.

BigRedBoat · 30/09/2020 10:28

I was going to say maybe he had symptoms of something and didn't tell you because he thought you had cheated and passed something onto him, however your update makes me think he is less than innocent- using escort websites as porn seems pretty unlikely given how much actual porn there is on the internet.

blueberrypie0112 · 30/09/2020 10:32

It could be about cancer and he is embarrassed. Or even UTI or yeast infection. It doesn’t always mean STD. Men are allowed to take care of themselves.

But in the meanwhile, I would go one too just in case of STD.

ShalomToYouJackie · 30/09/2020 10:42

If he has form for looking at escort websites (why do men always say they were 'only' using it as porn - that's such a lie), recently stayed away from home and is now calling a sexual health clinic then I think you know what's going on.

I'd tell him that you just had a missed from a number and it was a sexual health clinic and you wonder what they want and will call them back later, see how he reacts.

madcatladyforever · 30/09/2020 10:45

I'm not sure really, I'd sooner go to a sexual health clinic and have been for thrush, GU problems or anything like that because going to the GP is such a colossal bore and I don't like my GP.
There could be an innocent explanation.
But on the flip side maybe not. You would think he would have discussed it with you.

CausingChaos2 · 30/09/2020 10:52

With the back story of him browsing escorts, he’s obviously open to cheating. Perhaps he had a one night stand when you were apart, doesn’t mean he paid for it.

SoulofanAggron · 30/09/2020 11:03

I have been to a GUM clinic to get a coil removed before, which must've been in slightly the wrong place and was painful. It was just less of a wait than seeing the GP.

But I agree this is suspicious, especially as you had a falling out for a few days and he wasn't staying with you.

SlopesOff · 30/09/2020 11:13

@popcornlover

Sounds like he uses prostitutes. You must have known he’s not trustworthy if you were checking his phone. Did you check if he has any hidden apps? Bank statements...
Prostitutes tend to take more care or they lose punters.

Don't forget the drunks that fall out of clubs and pubs, and the hook up sites where people just don't care. No need to blame everything on those that need to make money to live.

ShalomToYouJackie · 30/09/2020 11:22

@Slopesoff I think PP was saying that because he'd been browsing escort sites, she wasn't just assuming it must be a sex worker because of a possible STI

RUOKHon · 30/09/2020 11:38

It’s walking and quacking like a duck, OP.

You should probably call the sexual health clinic back and make an appointment for yourself.

PolytheneHam · 30/09/2020 11:43

Durng my last pregnancy, I was referred to the clinical genetics department of a particular hospital. When I received a phone call from the hospital, my (samsung) phone identified the number as a sexual health clinic at the same hospital! I was at work at the time, but thsnkfully no one else saw. The auto identification feature is sometimes wrong.

Kanaloa · 30/09/2020 11:51

It seems that whatever the case with the sexual health clinic, the relationship is in poor condition. You don’t trust him and go through his phone and he browses escort sites and possibly cheats. I would think about whether or not you want to be in a relationship with somebody when there is no trust. I couldn’t be with someone I don’t trust, I couldn’t be looking through their phone and trying to find out what they’d been up to. Are you able to either look at separating or some serious relationship work on both sides?

WhoseThatGirl · 30/09/2020 11:54

There are lots of sex without strings websites he could have used.
If it walk like a duck, it’s probably a duck.

022828MAN · 30/09/2020 11:54
  • he's actively browsing escorts online
  • he stayed away after a row (where/with who/how long?!)
  • he's ringing a GUM clinic.

Sorry OP, they are huge red flags. You know that.

Dottyandbet · 30/09/2020 12:12

Randomly, I know my friend had to go to a sexual health clinic for her work covid antibody test. So it may not be what you think. Hope everything turns out ok.

Dottyandbet · 30/09/2020 12:15

I was also referred to a GUM clinic to investigate some lumps that were nothing to do with an STI however it does seem that there are other red flags.

ChronicallyCurious · 30/09/2020 12:21

Find it a bit weird that he’d only be on the phone for 44 seconds! Have you tried ringing the number to see if there was an automated message he had to listen to before being put through?

Sexual health clinics could be for a number for things including STD checks, condoms, looking at a weird rash. None of those sound very good especially if he hasn’t mentioned it to you though. I would be suspicious

ChronicallyCurious · 30/09/2020 12:23

Ah sorry I just read your update. If he ordered the test is there anywhere he would get it delivered that wasn’t your address? A workplace, a friends? If not is there any way you could intercept the mail? Postal STD tests usually come in boxes that are just put through your letterbox.

toomuchpeppapig · 30/09/2020 13:36

The bigger problem is that you have zero trust in your DH and therefore why are you continuing with your relationship? Doesn't sound like it's doing either of you any good tbh. What sort of a marriage is that??

VeganVeal · 30/09/2020 13:54

I recently read a story where there was an issue with the auto numbers, the doctors number was coming up as a massage parlour

As other have said google the number first