Why has DH called a sexual health clinic

[WhyCouldThisBe]

I’m having a sudden bad feeling he’s cheated or why else would he call a sexual health clinic. Saw the number on his phone as somewhere he called at 9am recently - it came up as sexual health clinic due to his phone automatically guessing the number and he stayed on the line for 44 seconds. Is there any other reason other than a STI check why a guy would call that number? Funny stuff going on with his bits?? Weird feelings down there? Pain? I don’t know. He hasn’t mentioned any issues down there and we have had unprotected sex since he called the number. As far as I know he hasn’t attended an appointment so I’m wondering what on earth this call could be about. Yes I could ask him but then I wouldn’t be able to explain why I looked at his phone (I was snooping). Help please!

I'm do sorry this has happened op. It's just so awful. It's awful he lied about the sex too. I honestly have no fucking idea what is wrong with some men. I couldn't get over this either so I'm not surprised you are saying the marriage is over. Make sure he hasn't passed anything to you and get done legal advice. Sending love

Yep and turns out I was right to snoop or I’d be sleeping with a possibly diseased adulterer tonight

Thank you for your kindness everyone. I am honestly still in shock. Still feel sick. Can’t eat. Can barely stand up without feeling dizzy. Definitely not feeling strong. Need to try and be strong for the kids but honestly just feel like giving up. I don’t think I am strong enough to survive this without falling into a pit of depression

You can survive this, just take one day at a time.

He is thinking that by staying he will wear you down to agree to stay together.

You dont have to stay together just to keep your house, thats the wrong reason to stay together.

Do you work? What income do you have?

You can and will survive this but at the moment you are in shock.

Try to eat just a little if you can.

Have you reached out to anyone in RL yet?

What is it with some men. He's basically blaming you for this. Unreal. Be strong and leave him (he needs to leave the house). In a few years when you look back you will be glad you were strong now. Not only for you but for your kids. You deserve better x

Haven’t told anyone IRL - it is so so embarrassing that he could do this to me. It’s an utterly disgusting thing to have to admit to and I’m angry he’s put me in the position of having to tell family and friends. He’s said he will deny it, as he’s so ashamed, even though I have the early part of his confession recorded and other evidence too, what a prize twat I married.

He’s definitely trying to wear me down; grovelling, asking what I need, I’ve told him I want him gone and need headspace just for a few days but he’s refused.

I earn a decent amount, around 4/5ths of what he makes and he’s on 6 figures. I don’t think I’d be comfortable enough unless I got decent CSA payments that would probably cover the mortgage and then I could try to pay for everything else out of my salary but it would be tight. He pays for most things, mortgage bills etc and I pay for the kids stuff, childcare and a few other bills. He also recently got a large payout (Redundancy) so I don’t know whether he’d be able to keep all of that or would have to share it.

God, I've just read your updates op, what a twat he is!
Sorry you're going through this. Divorce this idiot he's probably done it before now if you already caught him on the sites, and he will probably carry on.

Tell him straight, he is a stranger you do not recognize. He has broken his marriage vows and you will be divorcing him.

If he pesters you, look him in the eye and ask him how he would feel about you having sex with some sexy stud for hire. Would he forgive that?
So sorry you are going through this.

I'd strongly encourage you to reach out. You need people in your corner here who'll have your back.

What an utter bastard. I've just read the whole thread and you've been amazing. Ignore him as much as you can, you can get through this. If you can't eat have a yoghurt or banana and just small easy to eat things.

I hope his cock festers and drops off.

All assets go in the pot so his redundancy would too.

Have you checked the child maintenance service website?

Maybe get an appointment with a solicitor to discuss your options.

Please also get an STI test.

If he has been once to an escort he has definitely been loads of times, no one looks up escorts on the internet and doesnt use them.

Tell someone, get someone IRL in your corner. YOU have nothing to be embarrassed about. Also can't hurt to get the truth out before he starts spinning it to sound like you're crazy and he's the victim.

Thank you all for the amazing advice. He’s on the sofa tonight. I too hope his diseased cock falls off in the night. I’ll tell my family tomorrow, taking a sick day from work as my line manager could tell on the video call that I was looking a bit unwell. I’ve eaten a little now. Thanks everyone. Means a lot to have this virtual support at such a monumentally crap time.

Take it easy. Try drinking sips if water to keep hydrated. Grapes are easy to eat when you feel like this as well.

You don't have to tell all your friends/family he has been with an escort. It's enough to say he's cheated on you for now, if you don't feel ready to spill all just yet.

Based on the last time you caught him on an escort page...This isn't his first time...but he'll deny it all the way.

Don't let his actions drive you into depression. I know it's a horrible thing to happen...it probably still seems unreal.

Hang in there....it will take time.....get some IRL support if you can.

Tell somebody in real life, and when people ask why you left him you don’t have to mention the hooker if you don’t want to simply ‘he was unfaithful’ is bad enough! Dirty pig! Please
Don’t let
Money stay, he has risked your health aswel as his own, the fact he has slept with you since then with no protection is utter disrespect on top of Everything else. If he’s looked before I wouldn’t be so sure it’s the first time either, Feel so sorry for
You but thank god you found out now! After a day of him lying! Go onto the gov website and it will tell you everything you need to know, any help you will be entitled to as a single working mother, child maintenance etc! Or google maintenance calculator and benefits calculator etc, you can do this xxx

I'm so sorry you're going through this op.

Your first priority has to be your health, I'm sorry but in my experience (ex nurse but admittedly not sexual health though I suspect this is even more true there) men tend to not seek testing/treatment until they have symptoms and often not until those symptoms are really worrying them so I think your first priority HAS to be Sti testing and possibly even hiv pep as he had high risk exposure potentially

I'm sorry to add to your stress at this time but I couldn't in good conscience not advise you to do this.

In terms of the rest

I have been through similar as exh cheated.

If you're struggling to eat at the moment try nutritious drinks - soup, milk, fruit juice, smoothies

Take vitamin supplements

Do whatever works to help you sleep wherever that may be, I couldn't sleep in "our" bed for several weeks so I slept on the sofa, after first few days of resisting that reality I gave in and moved pillows and quilt downstairs so I was at least comfy.

Talk to somebody in real life - doesn't have to be friends/family although they would likely be supportive, but sometimes it can be easier to talk to an acquaintance or a professional (dr, counsellor, nurse, support worker)

Don't be too hard on yourself - if the housework or whatever slides for a bit fuck it! Do the min to keep things going if that's all you can cope with - that said of being busy helps that's ok too but don't overdo it

Finances - this is important though, collate all official papers and documents - certificates, bank statements, mortgage deeds etc IF you have a joint account please be aware that a very common tactic is to empty it before the wife can!

Get any money you get for you or dc is paid into an account that is solely yours ASAP - warning if you have an account with the same bank as the joint account, as soon as possible open a new sole account with a different bank - if he takes the joint account into overdraft the bank can repay the debt from your sole account if it's the same bank.

Get claim in with cms ASAP - because they only backdate to 1st date of claim, his still living there does not prevent this, the marriage is over you are separated but just living at same address - but you must not do anything for him like laundry etc

Get claims in with dwp if you're eligible, it doesn't sound like you would be necessarily but check on the online calculators

If I think of anything else I'll of course post

Sorry it’s gone this way, but at least you know now. I would urge you to go get tested incase he has passed anything on to you.
Stay strong, contact a solicitor for legal advice aswell and check what maintenance you will be due.

Eugh. I wonder why he thought the marriage was "over" if he was still sleeping with you. If you were in a sexless marriage I would say his sex life is none of your business but to do that and then come back and stick it in you is very not nice.

Make sure you back up/copy the recording somewhere, he may wait for an opportunity and get your phone and delete it.

Thank you all, feeling slightly stronger this morning and will look into everything you’ve all said and try to get myself a shl- any tips on how to get the best lawyer please? I know how to find a solicitor generally but how to know if they’re really good?
CMS calculator suggests I’d get just about enough to cover the mortgage payments. My salary and division of assets would probably help with the rest. And keeping the home til kids are 18 would be ideal.

The amount he has in savings - he wouldn’t be able to just squander it all as I’ve got the pay slip and evidence that the payout was made recently, I believe it’s illegal to try to deprive your spouse of a rightful share by spending/transferring around the time of divorce so il make him aware of that, I’ve taken screenshots of the accounts too and will back everything up now in case he tries to delete off my phone

That’s a great start! I would get back ups of these and also originals of marriage and birth certificates, (yours, his & kids if possible), mortgage docs, anything legal like loans, car loans, taxes, etc and get them out of the house and keep them with a trusted friend or family member until you can hand them over to SHL.

I like your style OP!
Sending positive thoughts to you for what's bound to be a crappy day

Well done OP.

Information is power.
The more proof you have, the easier and cheaper your divorce will be.

What a filthy creep.

This is his shame.
His shame alone.

He has cheated on you AND HIS CHILDREN.

Never forget that.

Telling family and friends will give you strength.

He said he will deny everything.

Of course he will.

He's a liar.

Keep hydrated.

Can you try and move some money around OP? Just so you know you've got access to it?
If he wont go I'd be tempted to get the locks changed. Technically you shouldn't but if he kicks off you could threaten to tell people what hes been up to?
Sorry you're going through this. Many solicitors offer a free half hour so just call a few and see.
You do need real life support, the shock and grief is hard and feels very physical at this early stage.
You sound strong, you'll get through this and be glad you've got shot of him sooner than you think!
Back up your evidence. Sounds like you're in a good position financially.