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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why has DH called a sexual health clinic

167 replies

WhyCouldThisBe · 30/09/2020 03:42

I’m having a sudden bad feeling he’s cheated or why else would he call a sexual health clinic. Saw the number on his phone as somewhere he called at 9am recently - it came up as sexual health clinic due to his phone automatically guessing the number and he stayed on the line for 44 seconds. Is there any other reason other than a STI check why a guy would call that number? Funny stuff going on with his bits?? Weird feelings down there? Pain? I don’t know. He hasn’t mentioned any issues down there and we have had unprotected sex since he called the number. As far as I know he hasn’t attended an appointment so I’m wondering what on earth this call could be about. Yes I could ask him but then I wouldn’t be able to explain why I looked at his phone (I was snooping). Help please!

OP posts:
EL8888 · 30/09/2020 15:36

Sorry to hear your update. He’s talking shit, no one goes to the STI clinic after a kiss Hmm. It seems like he’s keeping financial secrets as well or how did he get the cash?

Nestme · 30/09/2020 15:48

How did he pay for it without you noticing.

Sorry, what a pig

Original poster
WhyCouldThisBe · 30/09/2020 15:48

He is such a sick bastard. Sick sick sick. After a lot of interrogation before the kids got home. And a lot of screaming from me that he was a gaslighting bastard trying to drive me insane he EVENTUALLY admitted they did of course have sex. What a pathetic pathetic excuse for a man. He’s the lowest of the low and the scum of the earth. Unfortunately his family think he is a saint who can do no wrong so always back him no matter what. Even though I have our entire conversation recorded they’d probably just say I drove him to the hooker. I have my own family I can call on but he refuses to leave and to be honest I can’t deal with another massive confrontation now especially not in front of the children. So we aren’t speaking. He is trying to grovel but I’m trying to work so I’m ignoring him. Utterly selfish vile prick. What the hell did he expect after shoving his dick in another woman??

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyCouldThisBe · 30/09/2020 15:50

And yes he must be hiding a stash or have another account otherwise how would he have paid her, nothing has gone out of his main account around that time. He probably has a stash hidden in his car somewhere. I want to take him to the cleaners but worried I’ll end up with next to nothing

OP posts:
newnameforthis123 · 30/09/2020 15:51

I would say unless he leaves at least for a few days you'll need to tell some family / friends what he's done as it's not fair to expect you to carry the burden of his behaviour alone.

God what an utter prick. Also I would find and send him 'the script' men stick to when they cheat with a prostitute so he knows how fucking textbook stupid he is.

Sorry OP Thanks

Swampshade · 30/09/2020 15:54

I recently had a blood test and the GP referred me to a sexual health clinic to have my blood taken. I think the NHS is just sharing some resources around a bit at the moment. The blood test had nothing to do with sexual health but the clinic was closer to my house than the hospital so they wanted it done there.
I really wouldn't jump to conclusions.

newnameforthis123 · 30/09/2020 15:56

@newnameforthis123

I would say unless he leaves at least for a few days you'll need to tell some family / friends what he's done as it's not fair to expect you to carry the burden of his behaviour alone.

God what an utter prick. Also I would find and send him 'the script' men stick to when they cheat with a prostitute so he knows how fucking textbook stupid he is.

Sorry OP Thanks

And I would obviously tell a couple of trusted people to support you through this bit and decide what to do next, which would be to unquestionably leave him. He doesn't respect you and he doesn't respect women. He thought it was over and his immediate response was to pay for 'consent' from a woman. He's vile.
Original poster
WhyCouldThisBe · 30/09/2020 15:56

Thank you @Swampshade but unfortunately the lying piece of filth has finally admitted to his sordid secret

OP posts:
slidingdrawers · 30/09/2020 15:58

Well done on trusting your intuition on this one. Keep strong and get that STI check sorted for you too.

ShivD · 30/09/2020 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WhyCouldThisBe · 30/09/2020 15:59

I’m so stressed now, how can I ensure that the kids and I get to stay in /keep the house? I can’t afford the mortgage payments on my own as well as the upkeep. But the children all go to school here and it’s oversubscribed so would we be forced to sell or leave if it means jeopardising their school places? This will be absolutely devastating for them. What an evil evil man to do this to innocent children.

OP posts:
slidingdrawers · 30/09/2020 16:00

@ShivD read the OP's updates.

Spin66 · 30/09/2020 16:02

For all those asking how did he pay if you can’t see any withdrawals from the bank account - money back on purchases in a shop.

Legoandloldolls · 30/09/2020 16:03

I'm so sorry Op. Stay firm and strong. You deserve better

slidingdrawers · 30/09/2020 16:05

OP, take one step at a time:

Tell him to leave (you need the headspace).
Tell a trusted friend or family member.
STI check.
Get legal advice.

Blulorry · 30/09/2020 16:07

I feel for you OP. A woman’s gut is usually right. Flowers

newnameforthis123 · 30/09/2020 16:07

@slidingdrawers

OP, take one step at a time:

Tell him to leave (you need the headspace).
Tell a trusted friend or family member.
STI check.
Get legal advice.

This Thanks
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 30/09/2020 16:16

OK. Get yourself legal advice ASAP. Try to get him out if you can, but he aware that there is a legal process that has to be followed if he refuses.

Remember the start point for division of assets is 50/50. If you've taken a career hit to raise his DC and if he's expecting you to be primary residence for his dc, then you'll need a larger share.

Blood is thicker than water, so it doesn't surprise me that his family won't be bothered by his behaviour. Don't take that as a reflection on you.

blueberrypie0112 · 30/09/2020 16:21

So he did it because he thought it was over? Well It’s over now.

Fuckityfucksake · 30/09/2020 17:06

So sorry OP
Get yourself to a solicitor asap.
In the short term tell him you need to space to think about your future together and he needs to leave for a few days/weeks...bullshit of course but it'll buy you some time away from him if he falls for it.
Then tell him you don't want him back and it won't work.
What a selfish vile bastard.
Yes to your own STI checks.
Take care x

SandyY2K · 30/09/2020 18:00

he only went there because he thought the marriage was over

Well it is now. What a pathetic excuse.

Skyla2005 · 30/09/2020 18:04

You felt the need to go through his phone. The answers usually right there !

DBML · 30/09/2020 18:59

I’m so sorry op. What a horrible thing he’s done...and pointless.

I think you need to sit down and talk.
Calmly tell him that he made his decision and now you are making yours. Doing this calmly is very important. It shows that you are serious and resolute, not simply emotional.
Tell him that you are serious about the marriage being over and that you’d prefer him to move out so that the children didn’t have to live in a negative atmosphere, but at the very least he will have to move to another room with view to moving out sooner rather than later.
Tell him that finances should be dealt with through the solicitors and finally, that you will not be changing your mind, as what he has done is too big.

Then refuse to engage unless you need to discuss the children.

I’m just so sorry he has done this to you.

DBML · 30/09/2020 18:59

As for his family, it really doesn’t matter what they think.

PussGirl · 30/09/2020 19:02

What a sleaze.

Even though he thought "the marriage was over" he had sex with you after shagging the other woman.

Yuck.

Get yourself tested, OP.