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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like husband doesnt care. 2.

999 replies

Chickencuddle · 28/09/2020 13:48

Continuing from other thread.

I have recieved an email from womens aid lady. She said she thinks it's definitely abuse. She will ring me later to arrange a meet up to discuss options. I've told her I want to leave. She said she will help me.

OP posts:
Chickencuddle · 03/01/2021 18:42

@ncforthisconvo thank you so much for sharing that's really helpful. I'm sorry you went through that as a child.
Sorry if I dont reply to everyone I cant remember everything. But just to add I've felt really uneasy about the kicking thing and not sure why. I think its maybe because I was kneeling on the floor and him towering over me reminded me of my dad. But think the reason I dont see these things as "bad is because without even knowing it I do compare to my dad. Like just then typing this I was thinking it wasnt that bad he didnt have his fists in my face and spit flying his eyes bulging just absolute anger its almost the opposite. He doesnt get angry at me. I dont know it's hard to explain.
Was making dinner earlier and he got a spoon out the drawer and was flicking it on my boobs. Just feel like it's a constant wind up game pr something. He does like winding people up.
Not saying this excuses anything but he has been so good with the kids recently jyst feel like such a bitch saying all the bad things when it's not all bad.

OP posts:
Catmaiden · 03/01/2021 18:51

How can you say he's good with the kids? Remember your post about not letting them even jump in puddles? Try reading back all the things you've posted (and I bet there is loads more you haven't posted about!)
And you think he's a "good dad"???
He's not, he's a vile, abusive, coercive rapist.

Catmaiden · 03/01/2021 18:52

A good dad does not rape and abuse and control the mother of his children.

Chickencuddle · 03/01/2021 18:55

Good today to them. I mean talking, interested, not shouting. Playing. Etc.
Good in that way.
I domt think anyone is all good or all bad. But yes I know this doesnt excuse his behaviour.

OP posts:
NCforthisconvo · 03/01/2021 19:25

@Chickencuddle and @Sassysally12 I’ve had some counselling for my childhood and my mum has apologised for not removing me from the situation. There was a lot of other poop that surrounded it and I had a bizarre childhood interspersed with bits of normalcy. There’s a lot of...stuff...we have to just skirt around because I get cross and the past can’t be changed, but mum is working ok the present.

I moved out at 19/20 (I think but can’t remember the exact year because I have lots of blanks which are trauma related) and once tried to speak to my dad about the fact I was deeply unhappy in my new place but couldn’t move back because of how he behaved.
Honestly, he was so bewildered and just couldn’t see why his behaviour was wrong. It was, and still is, like banging my head against a brick wall. People like this cannot 100% change. Even if they’re ‘lovely’ every other moment of the day it is still in them because they are broken. It is not for a partner or family member to fix them. X

ReallySpicyCurry · 03/01/2021 19:38

I would feel uneasy about the kicking too. It is as though he was angry at you, because you disagreed with him over the washing, and because of that he wanted to physically hurt you. But he reined it in just enough to turn it into a "joke". I think the reason you are feeling so uneasy about it, is because in your gut, you sensed that his real intentions were to hurt you, not just to indulge in a silly, unpleasant little joke.

I actually think it's very telling that this particular situation reminded you of your dad. I'm sure you already know that if you've been raised in an abusive home, you'll quire often be hyper aware of atmospheres and have a heightened ability to pick up on other people's emotions - it's a safety mechanism. You were instinctively picking up on something present in him that was also present in your dad, and I would hazard a guess that the "something" is anger, and a wish to hurt and humiliate you, for disobeying his wishes.

Although afaik he's never outright hit you, if you look back at your posts since March, there are quite a lot of incidents where the abuse has turned physical (aside from the sexual stuff) - barging into you, pinning you down and not letting you up, deliberately blocking your way, and now kicking you.

A few days ago he kicked a cat. Now he is kicking his wife. He told your DD the cat deserved it, I bet he'd say the same about you.

LadyLindaT · 03/01/2021 20:20

I really don't wish to seem unkind, but I am beginning to feel that you are stringing this out, now.
Either stay or go.

ReallySpicyCurry · 03/01/2021 20:55

Where? Where can OP go? Comments like that just aren't helpful.

She can hardly go when the refuges are closed during a pandemic. Perhaps she could go to a friend's, but again, it's the middle of a pandemic. OP has also mentioned in past threads that she could also be vulnerable to covid due to health issues.

OP has said she will hopefully get a place in the refuge at the end of next week, when they should reopen.

Northern Ireland is in a full lockdown, with all non essential shops and schools closed until end of January at least, more likely February half term. For the past week all shops have been closed at 8pm. Presumably her husband has been home a lot more.

There is very little OP can do right now except keep posting on this thread to keep her morale up and to keep focused on leaving as soon as she can. If OP leaves next week then it'll be about nine months since she started posting about her situation until the point of leaving it, which is nine months too long for anyone to have to put up with a man like that, but good going considering how many women stay in abusive marriages for decades. When you also consider the fact that WA had their hands tied for months during first lockdown, OP's husband was furloughed and at home for months, and the refuges have actually closed (when has that happened since they first opened?) oh and OP has to snatch ten minutes to type on the toilet when her husband is around, because he looms over her practically every minute he's at home - OP is doing the best she can.

user1471600850 · 03/01/2021 21:03

FFS I agree - I cant' bear to read this any longer! he is pure evil, sadistic, abusive, please, please, please stop defending him this is the most horrific thread I have read and don't understand why MN haven't done something, this is harrowing!

Chickencuddle · 03/01/2021 21:06

@ladylindaT good job you didnt say anything unkind then.. seeing as you really didnt want to ;)
Thanks @reallySpicycurry that was a lovely comment I do sometimes feel like theres something wrong with me for not being able to make up my mind but its just a huge mind f*ck tbh. It feels like something has clicked though. Tonight I lay beside dd singing to her at bedtime I was stroking her head and thinking "I'm going to get us out and get the life I want."
I've never thought like that before. The life I want isnt loads of holidays and living in my dream house. It's just me and the kids happy and free from his constant worry. I hope it happens. I'm going to do the best I can.

OP posts:
CrotchBurn · 03/01/2021 21:16

As disturbing (and it is deeply deeply fucking disturbing) as his sexual aggression is, actually what bothers me most of all is his physical violence. Pinning you down, "fake" kicking you. I think continuously grabbing your stomach is the thing that bothers me most. That's got to feel physically uncomfortable or even painful, and it's just so demeaning. Like you're a farm animal or an object or something. Its fucking terrible.

Cavagirl · 03/01/2021 21:31

@LadyLindaT I really don't wish to seem unkind, but have you actually read any of the two threads???
It's all very easy to sit behind a screen and say - gosh you should just leave. But OP has had one of the most difficult lives I've ever read about on MN. She has three young kids and absolutely zero support - no family she can go to, no friends she can rely on, and refuges closed.
ReallySpicyCurry has outlined it very well above. These threads are for support and help for the OP. A bit of tough love is sometimes fine, and warranted, but you're accusing someone of "stringing out" living with their abuser when they have said they want to leave but have literally nowhere to go. That's not tough love, that's just unhelpful.

Drinkingallthewine · 03/01/2021 21:52

I hope the refuge opens soon for you OP - I see from your posts that he's escalating - a lot. You used to be able to defend his actions by saying that the kids were asleep, but now he's simulating sex and trying force sexual acts on you while they are wide awake and right beside you in the bed.

He's also doing that kicking thing to subconciously remind you he could hurt you, if he needed to - not unlike a man punching a door or a wall to remind you that if you don't behave, it could be your face next. There is no doubt that if you stay, he will eventualy not stop in front of your children and they will witness you either getting raped or kicked for having the audacity to refuse his sexual pestering. Beyond grim.

I know the situation in NI regarding covid is dire right now. I know that you'll go to the refuge when you can.

I've been in a coercive abusive relationship with someone who didn't do the typical abusive stuff, and it was only months and even years afterwards that I began to realise all the small ways he was controlling and coercive towards me.

I hope the escape goes smoothiy and you manage to get out soon. Just remember that it IS that bad, it ISNT normal and many many men would never do this to their wives or partners.

Best of luck!

Chickencuddle · 03/01/2021 22:25

Thank you so much honestly would not even be considering it without this thread. Dont know what I would do without it pr how I would ever leave.
Worrying about what to do for the car. I think it's in his name. Pretty sure it is. Its finance. He just told me MOT is booked a week on wednesday.

OP posts:
Fartintheloft · 03/01/2021 22:51

Can you speak to your contact to see if there is funding for a taxi/someone who could come and get you? To be honest (though I don’t know this for sure) I wouldn’t worry about leaving in the car anyway, because if it was reported to the police, I’m sure they would understand with you being in a refuge.
The most important but is that you get away, the rest will resolve itself. 🥰

Cavagirl · 03/01/2021 22:59

Can you look up the MOT to see when it actually expires? www.gov.uk/check-vehicle-tax

ReallySpicyCurry · 03/01/2021 23:05

Check the MOT. I am pretty sure they've been delayed again. Mine haz been delayed from last March. They had it rebooked for February but just checked and it's postponed again.

dublingirl66 · 03/01/2021 23:44

MOT?
Most have been cancelled for another few months

Don't let that deter you

Is the vile piece of scum sensing you are making plans??

My abuser seemed to sense when I was making plans - like I was being watched even more than usual
Stay safe

We are here for you

I know you can do this
You sound very very strong in many ways

Catmaiden · 04/01/2021 00:21

Please don't let worries about an MoT divert you from leaving. Get a taxi, if needed.
Just get out. He is escalating his abuse. Get out asap

BlueLorikeet · 04/01/2021 00:38

So scary. The kicking episode looks like practicing. Getting the courage to do what he wanted to do for a while, you know? So sorry for you OP, it's not a good situation, hope you can escape as soon as possible...

Chickencuddle · 04/01/2021 08:03

Whenever my support worker tells me I can go I'll ask about the car. I'd like to take it just so that I can pack up throughout the day. I'll have all 3 kids and dont want to tell them until we leave so will try doing it bit by bit throughout the day then leave in the afternoon. I'm taking the kids scooters in the boot. Do you think that's ok?can leave them in the boot. That's another thing it's a big boot so I can fit more in than if I got a taxi. Taking as much as I can tbh.

OP posts:
Chickencuddle · 04/01/2021 08:51

Just recording things for myself
Xame upstiars as i shoeered this morning. Before i got dressed he aas trying to grab my boobs. Biting my arm in playful way but it hurt a little told him to stop as it hurt but he kept on. Tried to bite my boob. Had my arms tound them so he couldnt get at me and he was trying to force them open.
Kept tellig him to stop so he did and wrnt out sp i then started getting ready. He came back in and grabbed me from behond and grabbed my boobs wouldnt get off. I kept saying get off. Eventually he did. Then he did it again. Did it hard then suddenly dropped me and walked out

OP posts:
dublingirl66 · 04/01/2021 10:12

Bastard

How dare he

This is getting out of control

Do you have a firm plan for this week?

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 04/01/2021 10:44

Hes escalating . Think safety OP. Do whatever works to keep yourself safe until you go.

JarvisCockersLeftEyebrow · 04/01/2021 10:54

Agree that he’s escalating. Hopefully not long to go now. Wishing you all the luck in the world.