Feel like husband doesnt care. 2.

[Chickencuddle]

Continuing from other thread.

I have recieved an email from womens aid lady. She said she thinks it's definitely abuse. She will ring me later to arrange a meet up to discuss options. I've told her I want to leave. She said she will help me.

And, he kicked a cat? Violence to animals is a huge red flag for DV assessments. One of the things Police ask about.

He's abusing your children. He's abusing you. I know you've heard that so often but if it helps to keep hearing it so he can't gaslight you into thinking you're the problem, then we're all here to keep saying it. I'm rooting for your escape, you deserve so much better OP. Hang in there.

If anyone kicked my cat I'd break their fucking neck.

Why can't you accept he's a fucking abusive arsehole and get your children away from him? The next time he tries to force you to have sex, you ring the Police, report him for sexual assault and get a restraining order against him.

I think it is very telling that your DS was worried when they had got some splashes on them. The kids are scared of him! Also wtf he kicked a cat? That is horrific! Yet another example of how awful he is.
Sure the kids may say they love him, he’s their dad and they probably know they are supposed to love him but you can tell from so much you have said they are walking on eggshells around him like you are, worried about how he is going to react. He dictates what you all do and isn’t interested in your opinion and what the kids want. It’s his way or that’s it. I feel really sad for you and the kids.

Yes I'm going to go to refuge hopefully end of next week and I'm not scared about that today. I was terrified and felt awful about it yesterday. He bought me a lovely thoughtful gift for xmas and he was great with the kids etc but I think it was just temporary.
I dont feel I can call the police with him there really. I'm going to wait for refuge.

“ I said to them "dont worry we can get dry" because ds especially was really worried at first”

Your son is literally scared to get wet at A BEACH op, this is sick. You need to go on the first page and read only just everything you have wrote, maybe reading it again will make you feel how we all feel reading it. Please leave him ASAP. Those poor children honestly. Your daughter is starting to see he’s a bad person. Good on her for now while she can see what is right and what is wrong, but soon his behaviour will feel normal to them and shape their lives, leave ASAP love xxx

Just read your last post, so pleased you are going next week. Honestly, your life begins there, he is a prick. He is a horrible dad and an even worse husband, I cannot wait for that feeling of relief to hit you when you are away from him. I think it will then dawn on your just how bad he has been. We can all help, things to do things you need, etc xxx

I cant see him as a bad person. He does lots of good things too. I still love him alot. We have been through so much together.
But I recognise that this isnt healthy. I cant keep going round in circles and i need to leave for everyones sake. But i feel so awful for DH
I know he will be absolutely heartbroken. I worry for him.
He has been insinuating about how horny he is all day. The dog was trying to jump our cat (I know)and he said "hes like me. Pestering them. He takes after me. You cant blame me though."
I said something about does he want some hummus and he said "yeah hummus all over your body...smothered in it. " made some other comments I cant even remember. When this happens it just makes me nervous now. Then I feel bad for feeling that way.
I've packed a small toiletries bag that I need to jyst add toothbrushes to when the time comes.
I'm going to order a repeat prescription of my medication monday. I have enough for around 2 weeks so want to get some more before I go. Will also open bank account. Dont know why but that fills me with dread.
Going to start trying to get clothes together but it's so hard to think of somewhere to hide it I keep thinking of scenarios he could find it. I think I may have to do everything last minute.
I have passports ready and 1 birth certificate. I need to find the rest but they are in the loft.
When I leave can I still use my back card? Should I draw some money out?or he has a jar of money in the house about £200i could take that. I feel like I'm stealing. I feel really guilty about it all tbh. Even talking on here. Planning to get away and still carrying on as normal with him I feel really really cruel and horrible .

I’m thrilled to see that you are going next week. Well done you. You are so strong.

Will withdrawing money from your account attract his attention? Is it a joint account? If it is, wait until you’ve left, and immediately draw out as much as you can get before he does! I would absolutely 100% take the cash in the house with you! Good luck

Yeah I meant just draw out money straight after I have left. I dont know how much to draw out.
Just got dd1 and ds to sleep. Dd2 was downstairs watching peppa pig. I messaged Dh and asked if I could have a quick bath before getting dd2 to sleep he said yeah but quick. So I tot in the bath. Had maybe 10 minutes then he came up with dd. I got out to get dry quick and he was stood there watching holding dd2 saying "oh if love to get in that bath with all your juices in." I ignored him then went to get my pjs.
Dd said "mamas foo foo" (I dont know why we call it that I've taught the older ones vagina but dd2 somehow has foo foo )
Dh said "yes mummys foo foo I really miss mummys foo foo "
I feel so uncomfortable but feel like it's my fault I feel that way and most people wouldnt but I also think he knows it's making me uncomfortable and so doing it more. And adding subtle pressure to have sex with him

OP I think your upbringing has skewed your definitions of good and bad - the bath thing is just a continuation of overly sexualised behaviour in front of your daughter.

Of all this, the bit that caught my eye was this -
I messaged Dh and asked if I could have a quick bath before getting dd2 to sleep he said yeah but quick
You asked him for permission to have a bath??
I think you're so used to living your life under his control, you don't even notice. There are probably so many more little things like this that you don't even mention Chicken, because you are so used to them.

I agree with Quartz, and I think he is using your daughter's presence as a deliberate ploy to make you feel uncomfortable - you are, apparently, frequently telling him to stop touching you in front of the kids. This is deliberate, bringing the kids into it now, as a way to make you feel obligated. It's escalating.

That doesn't mean he's an evil genius, he isn't consciously thinking that up as a strategy. But he knows instinctively what will bring pressure to bear on you and what makes you feel uncomfortable.

I'm so so glad you're making plans to leave. And yes, just take all the money.

I dont agree with it which is why I'm logging it. We have had conversations about sexual behaviour around the kids and he has said many times he will stop I think he just thinks I'm being ridiculous.
He also slapped my bum a few times whilst I was trying to get dressed and then dd2 did it.
He is off for 2 more days then in going to start getting more things ready.
Feel guilty and scared but determined

I've noticed before if I dont like something he will do it more and more. It's actually best not to mention something bothering me and act like it doesnt otherwise he just does it more.

Oh and sorry, the bath thing is just because dd2 would need me to get her to sleep so was asking incase she was grumpy and I didnt have time before getting her to sleep.

What he said in front of your daughter is so unbelievably inappropriate.

Your daughter's language is just another indicator on how messed up their lives are.

4 children here and none of them have EVER reference my parts.

Your children sound sexualised by the environment they are in.

Your husband's constant mauling you and sexual references are sexualising them in an appalling way.

They shouldn't be witnesses to this.

Please get out.

Those poor poor children.

Cant sleep for thinking about it all now. Dont know if I've mentioned before but something which sticks in my head in regards to inappropriate behaviour around the kids is a memory from my 30th. He booked a hotel and we had a family room. All kids in same room as us. He initiated sex and I said no. He kept going on and I said no I didnt wsnt to do it with the kids there. He said I was being silly. They were asleep. He payed all the money for the hotel and it was a lovely room and I was going to waste it etc. We didnt do anything but hat meant he was in a mood and made me feel really guilty about it.
I dont know how I'm going to get everything sorted and remember everything and do it discreetly with all the kids. Lockdown. Etc.
What do I even tell the kids when the time comes?

I feel sick, reading your latest post

I was thinking something would happen tonight with the way he was acting...but dd came in with growing pains and stayed in bed with me. When he came up I pretended to be asleep and heard him say " FFS!" then he stormed about getting ready clearly annoyed.

Sorry for being graphic or gross in just trying to get as much down as I can. Sorry

I so wish someone could involve social services to intervene on behalf of your children and protect them from that perverted, raping freak.

Your poor children OP.

Try and focus on what sort of chance they are going to have as adults, reared in such a terrible environment.

The need you to want more for them than a fxxked up future.

Help yourself.
Help them.
Help yourself.

I am leaving next week. When refuge is back open.

Same as a few others have said I'm ready to help just send a private message

I like many on here have been through this too

Why can't he be put out of the house?
What would the refuge be like?

Are there any rental properties or can anyone help with this?
Please do mention I could try to look into it

He is AWFUL
Your incidents make my skin crawl
HOW DARE HE !!!!

Also keep posting
You need to as many are reiterating just how awful all of this is

When my bast-- was abusing me I used to ask for help on here as I wasn't sure if it was all as bad as I thought

Many of us here can help please let us
Even to sign post you xxx