Feel like husband doesnt care. 2.

[Chickencuddle]

Continuing from other thread.

I have recieved an email from womens aid lady. She said she thinks it's definitely abuse. She will ring me later to arrange a meet up to discuss options. I've told her I want to leave. She said she will help me.

Leave ASAP, this is disgusting. My blood is boiling reading that. He just tried to rape you in front of your daughter. Speak to woman’s aid lady tomorrow and tell her what happened, I really would get the police involved. I woukd not be letting this man look after my children on his own, it is not normal for a man to be so turned on near a child, it is perverted. This behaviour isn’t going to stop it’s getting worse, fuck the presents and fuck what anyone else thinks, bringing your kids to safety is the best gift you can ever give them. Also please don’t forget, not EVERYBODY thinks he’s great, his stepmom has expressed concerns and your friend and her partner said something to you before about they noticed he was controlling. Nobody is going to tell somebody’s wife they think he’s a prick, are they?! You don’t know what people really think about him, and the people you are scared to lose and his family etc and that you love them, I get this but if they loved
YOU they would know you were telling the truth. No woman would leave her home, husband, pets etc to stay in a refuge unless it was serious. Not one other woman wouldn’t believe a woman in your situation. Never. Like somebody said before, people don’t care if people split up these days xxx

Oops excuse the naughty words, I was so angry at him from your last post try get some sleep my love, contact WA tomorrow xxx

I cant sleep at all. In seriously considering going tomorrow. But he finishes work early and I csnt get in the loft myself. And I need to sort through the memory boxes etc I dont want to leave that stuff behind. I only have half a day tomorrow and I dont feel like I'll have enough time especially while looking after all the kids. I was quite calm at the time and after but now I am sick. I feel so sick. I'm going to try and get him to get documents from loft for me as we need to register dd for nursery and keep them down and I have passports ready. So after I get the documents and sort memory boxes I can grab everything I need and go. But it will be after xmas. He is off for 4 days over xmas I think. Then working for 3 days and off again. So it will be the 3 days that I go I think hope

Sorry still cant sleep. Just getting some stuff out my head
Dd today we were playing with some dolls and I picked up a doll and said this could be ds2s and which one shall I have? I saw her face and it seemed she wasnt quite happy but sidnt say anything and gave me a doll and picked a doll. I said "sorry did you want that doll?' She said yes and I said "you know if you ever dont agree with something I say you can always talk to me. You have a right to a voice too." She said "not with daddy" I said what do you mean? She said "daddy doesnt let me have am opinion."

Thinking of 28th to leave. Feels too close and too far away at the same time. Feels both wrong and right. Scared.

Getting more annoyed he is sleeping soundly in next room and I've been up since around 1 and cant sleep because if him. Kids will be up in 2 hours. I'm going to be so tired and its just not fair.

God, just go! 😞 ASAP!

I feel sick reading about what you are going through, every time you update 😡
He is just vile 😡

Oh honey, please please leave. Have been reading along from Australia and not weighed in as you’ve been given such great advice all along the way.
If this conversation with your DD is the push you need, use it. Remember that. Remember that you never want this for her.
Sending so much love you and your babies xxx

Thank you
Yes I'll try to keep thinking over these things.

He has mentioned last night a few times already today. I told him I didnt get any sleep after. He said he only had 5 hours sleep and is exhausted. I asked why only 5 and he said "i didnt go to sleep until about 2 and then up at 7. I said "I thought you were asleep when you did it...so you would have had sleep before?" He was like "oh yeah...but not nuch"
I dont think he even went to sleep. I think he came to bed at that time.
He also later on said "dd2 kept ruining every chance I had last night with you"
" how were you not horny last night?"
" I'm having a wank every night so I can wait for you."
So nice of him.... Wonder if that's it for a while now.

Look at what your DD told you OP that she doesn’t have a voice with her father that is a highly powerful statement from a 7year old who is feeling that a man is stopping her even from having her on opinion and what doll she can choose.

Taking away all the other abusive horrific stuff aimed at you (and you definitely shouldn’t) that there is enough to get her out now

Oh @Chickencuddle. What about if you phoned the police whilst he was out today, relay what happened last night ? That might buy you some more time to get your stuff together whilst he is custody and get your children to safety.

So much could happen between now and 28th. It’s terrifying I completely get that but it’s even more terrifying staying in this situation. You have a place at the refuge. Please, please go.

He is absolutely disgusting.

I agree with the PP who thinks he's weird. Most men would rather boil their own heads than try to shag with a wakeful toddler in bed. He gets off on your distress at it or something, I don't know, it's fucking creepy anyway.

One day at a time. You're right, he's not going to change.

She just phoned the refuge for me and due to covid they are not taking anyone for next few weeks. I could cry. Just went through memory box with kids and put some stuff in files to take
Checked which photo albums to take put together what I could of toiletries without being noticed and was finally accepting I need to go and now I cant.

High number of covid cases within the refuges.

Oh fucking hell, I'm so sorry.

But you've already come so far, even from a few weeks ago. Hold on. See this as more time to get as much as you can organised, bank accounts opened, stuff moved and hidden.

A few more weeks will go quickly enough once Christmas is over

Op could you call the police? They could come and remove him from the house. He is a dangerous person and you don’t feel safe around him. There is no way he was asleep when we was touching you, he is full of shit! He’s constantly abusing you and the kids. How much longer can you put up with this? I know you are worried about getting police involved but you need to get away from him and if refuge isn’t accepting people maybe getting police involved is the only option now? You all need to be safe and none of you are safe with him in the house.

This is so shit, so sorry OP.

Use the time and start getting your stuff together, in a hidden way. Stash some more money when you can.

Re. the night time. The right thing to do is call the police. I know that would take a huge amount of courage. But if it keeps happening at least the threat of doing that might be enough to buy yourself some respite? Turn the light on straight away when he starts, get your phone out and say you're calling the police unless he stops. You said that worked in the past when he was forcing you?

Is there a good excuse for him to sleep somewhere else for a bit?

This is so heartbreaking, he's a complete fucking monster.

I think you should phone the police the next time it happens. Maybe today at some stage tell him that he is not to touch you anymore without your consent, don't say it when he's actually doing it, tell him when he's having a cup of tea or something. Let that be last warning & next time he does it act on it, you've told him he's not to do it again, end of story, so your justified in your own head for calling the police. I think you need to act soon while you have this fire & anger in you X

He's disgusting, and he's now bringing your DD into this as if, in his head, it's a naughty game, like the fear of being caught. Except the presence of his child should be a huge turn-off. It's utterly beyond, normal people don't want to have sex while a small child is in the same bed. He's sick, and you're right OP he will never change because he doesn't want to. He doesn't hear you or your voice because you're just a sexual object to him.

I'm so glad you're getting out, please please please stay safe and focused on your end goal - to protect yourself and your children. You're so strong, and you've been through so much, just re-read all the support on here for you if you ever doubt yourself.

Damn - missed your update re: covid. The refuge isn't your only option, you need to start considering police. He's sexually assaulting you on a regular basis. You do not need to put up with this.

You poor woman.

He is beyond a horror.

No healthy normal man wants to force himself on a woman with his child in the bed.

Every update is more horrific than the last.

I wouldn't want him around children.

This thread will be invaluable to you as a diary of the horror of your abuse.

I think the police would be invaluable.
Even to call into a local station and ask a female police officer for advice.

He should be removed from the home.

Jesus christ OP please call the police, he is escalating his sexual violence.

Next time he will rape you whilst your holding your baby girl! Think of the severe consequences of how you will view your child if she is intricately linked to a traumatic event. You need to break this chain, this man is a monster and you can have him removed.

This thread is 3 months of diary entries of past abuse you can show to the police. Yes it's your word against his but you cant get home removed with a restraining order. Can you talk it through with WA?

I'm not sure why you can't go to the police and lay a charge of serial assault?
This has now escalated into him assaulting you with your daughter right there. How are you still faffing around with memory boxes but not going to the police?
Your poor, poor kids.
I know you sought out the refuge but it seems like there is always some reason/excuse you make. I apologize for being harsh but I just cannot understand how you are allowing this man another second around your kids.
There is just no excuse and you keep making one.

So I can tell people about my charming husband abusing me and they will believe me. But tell people on mumsnet that I cant get into a refuge due to covid and I'm making excuses.
Yes it's not straightforward. I would love it to have been easier but that's life.
I'm going about it this way as I think it is what is best for the kids and least traumatic and it is what womens aid have suggested. It will be 1 more weeks fingers crossed then I can get in.

I was getting memory boxes sorted because this is when I thought I was leaving in a few days and I wanted to take some memories? Seriously do think that's harsh. Im trying my best and I'm a mess tbh.