DP is in hospital. He went in as he was experiencing pain. He's been to hospital a fair few times this year, all for different reasons. That fact, along with his very unpredictable work schedule means that I have become very used to caring for DC alone. Without adding another thread's worth of detail, he has been gradually becoming a lot more derogatory towards me of late. I don't feel that we're in a good place, but I've wanted us to be, so I've been working on it with him up until this incident.
I was preparing to leave the house for a walk with DC when he was told by 111 to go to the hospital. Because of the huge variety of incidents this year, I didn't panic like I did the first few times. I kissed him goodbye and he said he'd update me.
Turns out the issue was a lot more serious than we could have expected, and he needed emergency surgery. Without going into detail, this is potentially a life changing adjustment for him. He may not even be able to return to work. It's so out of the blue it still feels surreal. I am worried about him while he's in the hospital, he doesn't look well, he has a fever, he's on very strong painkillers. Which brings me to the main issue.
He is being really, really horrible to me right now. He is angry that I am not prioritising talking to or messaging him over my care responsibilities to DC. He gets angry when he calls and I ask if I can call him back. This is while doing things like bathing DC, making their food, driving, dealing with their temper tantrums. I video called him today so he could say hi to DC. He ended up saying he'll let me go because I'm clearly too busy to talk to him. I was hoping he would interact with DC and feel better, but instead apparently I made him feel worse.
He's been regularly ignoring me for hours at a time because he's upset that I haven't been in touch. This causes me to worry. When I finally get through to him, he's distant and telling me there's no point trying to talk on the phone. He's also had some of his family call me to tell me he's in a bad way and I need to be there for him. I can't even visit. How do I prioritise him over DC?
Today he told me that everything he calls me for at this time is urgent. Whether it's a test result or what he had for dinner. His exact words.
Everything in me is screaming this isn't right, he's being too mean and I should tell him so. Then the nagging voice at the back of my mind tells me I'm a selfish cow for getting upset at him when he's clearly not thinking straight and is so unwell and vulnerable. As I mentioned before, he has not been too nice recently in general. Now he's just being worse.
So I really don't know how to proceed with any of this. AIBU to be upset about his behaviour? Or am I a cow for even thinking that? Please help me figure it out 