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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Made my plans to leave next week but am so scared

396 replies

Coco26 · 21/09/2020 19:30

I’ve been making my plans to leave abusive and controlling husband and have been building strength over the last couple of months. I no longer feel guilty that I’m going to leave, I can’t live like this any longer, I can’t stand being anywhere near him. I need to give my daughter somewhere safe to blossom and grow into the amazing woman she is going to be. Not allow her to be terrified and belittled and controlled and not able to enjoy her life.

But now that the date is so close I am so scared and don’t know how to plan the final bits. I don’t know what to put in the letter I plan to leave, whether to answer calls from him. Will I be better knowing what his reaction is? I feel so scared I can’t imagine ever being able to sleep, or leave the house, waiting to see if he finds out where we are and if he’ll try to hurt us. I’m terrified of him coming home whilst we’re getting everything in the car. And the covid situation makes everything worse. The people I’ve told have been really supportive but I’ll be on my own as I’m in an area where you can’t visit people in their home. I wish I could fast forward and be out the other side

OP posts:
GladysNarracott · 01/10/2020 06:49

Very best of luck for today Coco! I'll be thinking of you.

Go and get yours and DD's new lives. You have the strength of the Mumsnet massive behind you, you can do this!

Dery · 01/10/2020 07:25

Thinking of you and your DD today, Coco, with a big smile on my face! You’re nearly there!

LilyLongJohn · 01/10/2020 07:27

Good luck op Thanks this is the first day if the rest of your life

Pashazade · 01/10/2020 07:37

Good luck op, everything crossed for you. You can do this. Thanks

Alonelonelyloner · 01/10/2020 08:06

Im thinking of you both today xx

Mix56 · 01/10/2020 08:09

remember anything sentimental, photos etc too

Pantsinthewash · 01/10/2020 08:10

Go Coco!

BitOfANameChange · 01/10/2020 08:10

Good luck Thanks

Fingers crossed it goes as well as possible.

Fooshufflewickbannanapants · 01/10/2020 08:19

Good luck, you rock xx

Coco26 · 01/10/2020 08:22

Thank you everyone. Managed to get some sleep last night and now it’s time to get going. Still can’t believe I am actually doing this

OP posts:
S00LA · 01/10/2020 08:24

Good luck. I know you will be scared but remember today is the last day you will be as scared of him. Every day it’s going to get better and you will be less frightened and more free.

KatherineSiena · 01/10/2020 08:26

Good luck to you and your daughter. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible.

And you remember, if you forget anything, are disturbed & have to leave in a hurry - things can be replaced, you two can’t. 💐

S00LA · 01/10/2020 08:27

Remember if it all goes pear shaped and he comes back early or something like that and he’s threatening you DONT HESITATE to call 999.

Carolwithane · 01/10/2020 08:29

All the very best, good luck to you both. You absolutely CAN do this Flowers

Whatisthisfuckery · 01/10/2020 08:29

I haven’t posted OP but I’ve been watching your thread. massive strength and positive vibes coming your way from me today. You’re being so so brave, what you are doing is amazing and one day you’lll look back and realise what a massive achievement it is.

Good luck OP, I hope all goes smoothly. You’ve got this, and you’ll continue to have it, even when it feels too hard.

NotMaryWhitehouse · 01/10/2020 08:30

Good luck OP, the think the whole of mumsnet is with you today, speeding you both towards your new life!

Krook · 01/10/2020 08:43

You can do this OP! Good luck x

nitsandwormsdodger · 01/10/2020 09:07

A friend of mine had a second cheap phone only for calls from ex which she dealt with once a day or when ever she felt sting enough to deal with him
Can you get hold if his phone and charge your number to new phone number ?
or a friend / mums phone ? So he can be told kids are safe but doesn't get to abuse you

Also have someone there when you're leaving , covid rules allow support , ask women's refuge or even police to support you, the police will be there they would rather carry bags of clothes than a body bag

AgathaX · 01/10/2020 09:33

Oh my goodness. I've just read your whole thread on the edge of my seat. You've had some amazing advice from posters here, MN really comes into its own in situations like this.

I'm so glad you're doing this, I'm so glad you have real life support too. You and your dd will blossom in time. I hope today goes as smoothly as possible. Ignore contact from him tonight. Just settle yourselves and congratulate yourselves on a job well done.

All the very best of luck for today.

ThreePipeProblems · 01/10/2020 09:41

Just read the thread. Good luck today. I hope everything goes smoothly

Holliej · 01/10/2020 09:44

Just read your tread - I am so sorry you and your DD have gone through all of this. Good luck OP! Do not hesitate calling the police if it’s needed though. Fingers crossed for you today! Hope it goes as planned. xx

wateraddict · 01/10/2020 09:54

All the very best for a smooth running day. Keep going! It will all be worth it x

doodliedoo · 01/10/2020 10:03

Rooting for you op. Today is a challenge, but you will succeed and things will be so, so much better for you and your DD.

AryaStarkWolf · 01/10/2020 10:12

Hope all goes to plan today OP

dublingirl66 · 01/10/2020 10:33

You can do this

We are all behind you

Stay strong
Stay safe

Sending you lots of hugs today and going forward 👏👏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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