Dating Thread 194 - Dire men of the Internet

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thread title in honour of of @crackofdoom from thread 193

It must be an age or geography thing but instead of level Dean I seemed to hit level Jonathan! He was always to found slightly out of focus at the top of Pen y Fan it seemed.

Keep going @frocksmock level Dean is several more achievement badges along. I look back with fondness at the blurry Pen Y Fan profiles. You have to work your way through the snaps of the dirty kitchen floor or sofa arm I’m afraid with the occasional socks in boxer shorts.

I now have a Sunday lunch date with an iron I phone chatted to for an hour last night. He is Mr Oirish. Sounds really jolly and very interesting.
First date Mr Coincidence tonight after three weeks of heavy texting & discovering we were at college together for three years.

@30somethingandstillsingle you've really only got two options haven't you either continue to see each other but know that it's hard to see others while he's in your life or trial a period of no contact. Set each other free and possibly make an arrangement to see where you both are in 6 or 12 months.
It is easier than it feels to move on. Might take some time to get him out of your system but by not communicating you would get there.

My fist date of two today is coffee at 10, followed by a walk if we get on. If not I’ll just take my crazy terriers out of my car and that should send him on his way
Second date is at 5.30.
I’m not feeling hugely enthusiastic about either of them partly because neither are that good at texting and also because I’m having a wonderful flirtation with another iron via text and I can’t wait to meet him on Monday.
Still nothing from Mr Welshie and still feeling lot confused about that - he was so enthusiastic on the date, no hint of reservations 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have a date with a new iron called Mr Booked It on Wednesday. He has booked a restaurant in my area. We haven't talked a lot, he says he is a much more in person getting to know someone rather than text. Date will last 2 hours due to the restrictions but that's long enough to get a feel for someone.
Mr Muse has been sent a nice wishing you the best text his morning. Too many potential amber flags to ignore.

I have a call later with a new iron to be named. He seems sweet, texts briefly over the day, we seem to have a lot in common but he has also held back a lot of information so hopefully he is more forthcoming on the call. I would love to push for a coffee meet tomorrow or Sunday if he’s normal!
Mr German is frustrating me as he seems happy to chat but no push to meet - maybe he needs a friend he would be a nice friend but I am attracted to his personality and would love to meet but I am lacking the bravery to suggest it
@30somethingandstillsingle that’s a pity that things are not right ...I’m inclined to agree with Ruralbliss though that if you can go no contact it will be for the best - especially as it’s preventing you meeting the right person.

Date went well but don’t want to see him again, next!

Good luck @Wasail and @ZoZoBo

I'm really nervous about my date this evening now. This is another reason why over texting is a no-no. I much prefer when I'm nonchalant and ambivalent turning up to first date. Already have high expectations and as recent studies have shown I may not fancy him or vice verso or (worse) I might really find him attractive then never hear from him again.
Need to get back to being business like and uninvested!

Two weird occurrences on the apps

1. Tinder has yet again overnight 'matched' me with men I have never seen before. Wtf? They've messaged me too. How awkward is that 'Hi I did not have swiped right on you so have no inclination to converse with you. Bye'

1. A lush sounding guy and I matched on Bumble so I sent nice interesting jolly message then he unmatched me. So bloody rude.

I wish I could be as crap and cold hearted as these blokes seem to be with their ghosting, revealing themselves to be psychos & unexplained unmatching.

Definitely need a thick skin for this game. 2.5 years on I still don't have one.

@Wasail

What wording will you use to advise your date that you're not interested?

@Ruralbliss I suspect he may not contact me but if he does I’ll just say there was no spark on my side. He never stopped talking about himself or to everyone else in the room, he was nice and polite to me but never let me get a word in.

@Ruralbliss same has happened with me on tinder in last 24 hours ...I’m thinking tinder thinking YOU HAVE SEEN EVERYONE😂 so we will force these unsuitable me on you 😆

Men

Date this afternoon want to rearrange. I’m honestly not sure I can be bothered. He is very clear in his profile that he wants a connection and a listing relationship. I don’t know what I want, I just know that I’ll know when I find it. Maybe I’m wasting his time.

Supposed to see Mr P tonight and stay for the weekend but hes just cancelled tonight and asked me to come tomorrow morning instead as hes spending time with his dad again.
Why do I feel so annoyed?
Its irrational isn't it ?
He's just text me and I'm not sure what to reply to say it's fine.
I feel like an angry brat.
But I'm also hurt.
What would you guys say ?

@clovertoast I would say 'That's very late notice Mr P.'

You feel so annoyed because he is being incredibly rude and disrespectful to you. Not irrational, entirely justifiable in my book. You are not a brat. If you don't care about and champion your own feelings, who will?

@Clovertoast No, its completely rational to be hacked off. He had arranged something with you and then changed his mind. Its up to you if you want to keep to what remains of the arrangement but if you pretend its fine, its highly likely he'll do it again.

Yes that's what I thought

Some of the older hands here may see through my fiendish new codename, it's @TigerDater here. Took an MN break over the summer, now the autumn chill is here I'm back.

A quick update: I'm still with Mr GH - a Fab FWB initially - after 19 months. He lives here four days a week, he cooks for me, we have sex at least twice a day and we giggle all the time. He is my team and I am his. It's great.

But...

After a failed 30 year LTR with XH, i just can't get my head around this one being 24/7 or forever. How do I know? When will i know? Will i ever? I feel i'm running out of time (I'm 58). As i don't know now, is the decent thing to call a halt? Or do i give myself and him a deadline?

Whoops, he's Mr GN, not Mr GH

@TiggerDatter
Running out of time for what?

I think it sounds like you have the perfect set up, what more do you need?

@Clovertoast I'd say it's really short notice to change his mind. Is he definitely seeing his dad or does he have other plans?

@Clovertoast
I can usually see both sides but on this occasion i think he is being really rude to go back on plans.

On the other hand if his dad has been staying all week how do you make a visitor leave especially if he has helped Mr P all week with house renovations.

Definitely tell him how disappointed you are.

@sortingitout just running out of time, full stop! I suppose i mean i can't afford to waste time, so if this relationship is not The One i should cut my losses. I just don't know what is meant by 'The One' I guess. And i don't have time to find out.

Hello again @TiggerDatter I don't know about 'the one' either. Is there such a thing? How do you know? It sounds like what you have with Mr GN is pretty good. So what do you feel is missing?

@Clovertoast it's definitely not irrational to be upset when someone changes plans at the last minute. And this comes on the back of you already feeling you aren't a priority. Have you spoken to him yet about how you feel?

@Dancerinthemoonlight Mr Booked It sounds promising.

Thanks all. I just called him and we chatted. My wires were crossed. I looked back over texts and he hadn't said Friday night he had said from sat onwards. Yet he still apologised when I said I thought we were seeing each other.
We have just had a long chat about my stuff and had an overdue conversation about my anxiety and how he doesn't help when he does x y or z.
Most of this really IS me. He isnt a bad guy but after a shitty abusive marriage I am so fucking damaged and paranoid I am just sitting here waiting for him to be an arsehole.
Its self perpetuating!!!
Thank you for your advice all.

@TiggerDatter that sounds perfect. I think you should accept it but honestly I know nothing!!!!