Dating Thread 194 - Dire men of the Internet

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thread title in honour of of @crackofdoom from thread 193

wasail And do we have old fashioned gent looking for a lady he can treat like a princess Dean, "Why do you women all match and never talk lol" Dean, laid back and no drama Dean, and about thirty Deans with no words and blurry profile pics taken from below, sitting in the kind of living room that you could NEVER see yourself sitting in?!

How are you getting on with Fab?

I am talking to an apparently normal iron from fab. Haven’t arranged a meet up yet but he is answering some crucial questions I have about certain “kinks” it’s proving enlightening . And he has sent me some very nice (tantalising not pornographic) pictures of himself.
Mostly it’s just pictures of erections on fab which is mildly entertaining. I met one iron for coffee but he just wasn’t my type.

We are almost definitely talking to some of the same people

I know! I keep trying to work out which one is Mr Bigcityboy . There are a lot of (dire) men to choose from on fab, so I have been talking to some of the ones who seem to be able to string a sentence together with the words in roughly the right order.

So I matched with a guy on Sat. We had two nice walks - one on Sat, one on Sun - and talked about doing something tomorrow. Interchange of messages Monday as we can't do the thing we had talked about because its fully booked. Since then - nothing. I suggested the walk on Sunday so have been deliberately not messaging to see how interested he really is. I'm inclined to leave it - I've learned not to chase - but if he does want to so something tomorrow I could really do with knowing before i go to work! What do you think, should I msg him or leave it. The walks were nice but I have other irons...

Just back from date with Mr Dogs. Definitely the funniest date I've ever been on - I belly laughed till it hurt. He's easy to talk to, nice to waiters, wouldn't let me pay for anything, paid me loads of compliments which seemed genuine, we had a nice car park kiss, he wants to see me again... He's confident and solvent. But he's also a complete eccentric and not handsome and while I really like him and find him excellent company, I'm not sure I fancy him. I really want to - he seems kind and considerate, he's intelligent and would make me laugh a lot. But you gotta fancy them, right? Maybe if I had sex with him... then I'd want more...

Cheerup, you have to wait for him to message I think. If he's interested he'll be in touch.

"And do we have old fashioned gent looking for a lady he can treat like a princess Dean, "Why do you women all match and never talk lol" Dean, laid back and no drama Dean, and about thirty Deans with no words and blurry profile pics taken from below, sitting in the kind of living room that you could NEVER see yourself sitting in?!"
crackofdoom excellent summing up of useless Deans of Tinder. There's also "back on here again" Dean and "I don't take life too seriously" Dean.

Had 2 screening phone calls tonight. First was the most boring man I think I have ever spoken to.
Second seems really into me but also confessed to being lazy and 'needing a muse' to inspire him. I have my shit together and want a man who has it together aswell. Might go on a date with the second one just to see what he is like in person. Think I will call him Mr Muse. I'm awear of a few potential amber flags so when we have another call potentially tomorrow night I will see if they come up again. If they do then it's a thanks but no thanks. He kept calling me girl that was beginning to rub me the wrong way but I think that's a cultural thing

I feel like I'm missing out ... I have no Deans

@cravingthelook

Crying with laughter at the "dean" descriptions here though I don't recall meeting one - maybe it's location ?

Personally I feel "Level Dean" is a good catchphrase for that emotional stage where I'm just swiping in a very desperate \anxious way. Old adage about looking for someone to fill an emotional void rather than sitting with my anxiety and trauma and trying to work out what the root cause is.

I've been trying to be more aware of my emotions this summer but I was going through some old emails and last winter i was briefly on okcupid (lot of exam stress) and just randomly connecting with lots of quite rude\awkward contacts - the phrase "desperate" is often used in a negative way but objectively I was projecting quite desperate vibes!

I wasn't familiar with tinder or bumble as well so I was like "where are all the men in my age range " and connecting with slightly odd blokes as I thought they were my only chance and I'd run out of all the normal ones (dunno what the stats are but there's definitely more men and new faces on the apps!))

I was definitely dating at Level Dean!

@WeWantTheFinestWines You're right. I'm not that bothered and its tipping it down with rain so staying in after work isn't that unattractive a prospect. In fact even if he does msg I don't think I want to go out!

I just got this line from a random on POF

Hi there, can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for christmas 🎄 ?

PMSL but err no I won't be responding

I think I've passed level Dean and @Bunkbedpeople I completely get that.
Mr planner got so under my skin I'm not over it at all, so I'm desperately swiping to distract myself.
I've deleted everything to do with him - number, WhatsApp chat, tinder match the lot so I don't make an arse of myself and chase him

"Level Dean". YESSSS!

I was supposed to be having a complete detox to reconnect with my emotions and just allow myself to grieve a little bit over the small rejections of the last few months, but appear to be having a slight moment on Fab, and have been messaged by a whole batch of men appearing to possess at least opposable thumbs, and, dare I say it, even a bit of wit, along with presentable photos.

One of them is someone I was chatting to on Bumble for ages about 18 months ago, so that's an interesting crossover. I don't know if I actually fancy him (he's bald with a big beard, neither of which I'm really attracted to), but we have great chat, he lives really locally, so I've suggested meeting up for a drink, even though it might just end up being a bit of friendly craic.

So, it's possible that my coming free weekend may not be quite as monastic as I anticipated.....

While I feel I ought to be offended at the stereotyping, I do know a couple of deans and can only agree with the thread sentiment.

There should definitely be a tinder achievement badge for hitting level Dean, the reward should probably be an automatic seven day ban.

I'm feeling quite sad about being ghosted by my iron, he put a lot of effort into the convo (as did I!) So I'm just a bit confused about it all really

I know, and even said earlier on, that this is a hazard of OLD but it's just a bit odd! Going to have a few days off the apps then start again on Monday :)

There are still a smattering of Waynes at my level Dean. I think I need to step away from the apps for 7 days and self quarantine.
I have a number of very slow but interesting irons at the moment so could do with a break while I wear them out anyway.
It’s a celibate weekend from me, again.

*weed not wear

I'm sure there's a Tinder ... Forest of Dean joke to be had here by brighter minds than mine.

*no Deans were harmed in the making of this lighthearted joke

Briefest of updates from me just to add to the collective knowledgebase of Do's & Dont's more than anything.

So my Sunday date who I shared nice car park kiss went totally weird and psycho on me via text so I ignored him. I still have some weird inability to block people although this would be a good opportunity to flex that muscle. Noting that I should have heeded the neck tattoos from the get-go & keep my standards nice and high. I don't need to scrape the barrel for wanton sex. I can manage without.

My only iron of real interest and I are meeting for the first time tomorrow evening for dinner.
I've made the classic blunder of allowing 3 WEEKS of textual intercourse to pass by without a meet.
In my experience this is a silly thing to do as if when we meet there isn't the mutual attraction it I'll feel like a mini break-up as the texts dry up.
Whoops.

He's Mr Coincidence to you lot and really trying to keep my expectations way low and not fantasise about how cool it would be if we fancy each other and I can be his lockdown physical support bubble...
He may be awful. So many are. He had a nice voice on the phone though and very very funny text writer.

Haven't posted in a while.

I've been dating but keeping everyone at arms length, haven't seemed to connect with anyone.
I've also been seeing my fwb (who is a previous ex ) and it has just dawned on me that I have the feels for him again.
I think subconsciously that has impacted my dating and emotional availability.
Can someone please talk some sense into me?!

@30somethingandstillsingle why is he an ex? Is it possible to reconnect and rekindle?
If it’s not then maybe he’s not the FWB for you? It’s hard when there’s feelings esp if they are onesided ....but if you can see it’s affecting your moving on then maybe you need to go easy on yourself and disengage for a while

@ZoZoBo we started out originally as friends, then fwb's and I posted about it at the time, I think many were invested when I told him my feelings ha... which were reciprocated.

We just decided we were better as friends, both wanted different things, and it broke both our hearts to admit that. I guess with lockdown etc, things just started again.
We aren't right for each other, not relationship wise.
I just don't like the thought of stopping seeing him.