At the end of my rope with DP's disgusting habits..

[ivehadenough11]

I'm not sure why I'm posting. I hope people don't think this is a joke, I feel stupid but I've reached the end of my tether with DP's farting and burping....! Ok I might occasionally burp, I cover my mouth if I do.. I don't fart to be honest! I don't know why, I probably do during the night or something but I don't register it when I do.
He literally farts most of the day. It's loud, it's annoying, obviously smells obnoxious and I can't help but find it disgusting. He does it while we are both eating and doesn't apologise. Does it in bed next to me, straight after sex 😕 before sex..!
A few weeks ago he visited the GP for something unrelated and I asked him if he was going to mention the farting, as it could be IBS. He said no and I asked why, he said he "likes farting". I can't seem to make him understand that it's driving me up the wall and I find it incredibly rude. It puts me off sex and I now find sex repulsive mainly because of the habits he has.
I'm not a prude and I can take a joke. But am I being ridiculous and unreasonable for finding this gross?? I'm looking for opinions..
Sorry this sounds ridiculous
Thanks

@ivehadenough11

Where the heck do all these farting men come from? I thought it was just him, I'm surprised there are more.

Personally I think it's a sign of a food allergy or intolerance. If I eat dairy I start farting really badly so I avoid it. It's thought that a lot of people can't digest lactose in dairy and it can make you very gassy when that's the case.

@SoulofanAggron

sorry but I'm literally cackling to myself about the exaggerated lean.. Yes I am 7 years old

@Puppy72 It's not original. And I imagine if someone kept doing it for months etc it would have less of an amusing impact.

My latest ex- we had a bit of a dominant and submissive thing going on, but not to a massive extent (well, not officially, but there was already a power imbalance.) At one point he suggested that he could deliberately fart while I was doing oral on him; and I agreed. It was hideous. Luckily I think it was only for that one session (though he did it several times.)

I just added that for anecdote's sake.

@ivehadenough11 Maybe my point is (as you say about him being territorial about it being his place) you're in a relationship with a power imbalance. It's like the 'Zimbardo cookie experiment'- the people with the most power felt they could take up more space, take more cookies, eat more messily etc.

You could find someone who sees you as an equal, worthy of respect.

That has to be one of the grimmest things I've ever read on Mumsnet!

Poor OP,

Just awful.

But younare si blessed... not married, no property, no children.

You are so mobile.

He is a repulsive pig of a man and sexually abusive.

Look for lodgings for a short term fix, anything to get out.

Don't tell him ANYTHING.

Make a plan and get out.

Could you leave stuff with a friend to secret belongings out of the house.

Your situation is heartbreaking to read.

Women's Aid would be of support.

I agree that if someone has that much of an issue with your partner's farting, especially with no responsibilities, then by all means get the hell out! (Personally my partner and I take great pleasure in farting, but it might not be everyone's cup of tea.) However, bringing Women's Aid in???? I'm not convinced a bit of gas is quite the same as somebody's husband using her as his personal punch-bag?

Hope you take one of those flats OP. He sounds vile! Does he wake you up for sex too? What a pig.

I can sympathise op. I don't like farting and burping. I get that everyone does it, even me but if I can manage to do it discreetly then so can most other people.

Me and my ex husband were married 13 years, together 20 and we never farted in front of each other deliberately. We liked being sexually attracted to each other and for me, listening to someone fart on a regular basis does not equal sexual attraction.

I have no issue with the occasional accidental fart, followed by an "oops, sorry" but to do it intentionally and make a big deal out of it just repulses me. I would also never go to the toilet in front of a partner or anyone else as I just don't see the need or desire to do so.

He clearly has no respect for you and you are doing the right thing in making plans to leave. Good luck to him finding someone who will find his behaviour attractive.

Being pressured into having sex is unfortunately a fairly common problem (going by some threads) and we all know everyone, even the Queen, farts. It is obviously not acceptable to you and sounds like you need to leave. Get your ducks in a row and leave when he's out the house, if you're worried about confrontations. You deserve so much better.

The OP is being sexually coerced by this awful man and it is finding it difficult to leave.

So YES......Women's Aid may be able to support her.🙄

This is a weirdly interesting thread.

I'm a bit of a farter and I hate it. My partner of 20 years used to hate it too and I would try to minimise it to avoid his displeasure. I totally understood this.

Then I had a partner of about 10 months who used to have farting competitions with his son, he said he found it funny and convinced me my reticence to fart freely was a sort of up-tightness. So I let go more, but he was wrong.

You need boundaries and distance to maintain a healthy happy sex life. I would never wee in front of anyone anymore for example. Farting makes things too comfortable - lazy and that laziness spreads.

And I also think it's a weird way of avoiding intimacy, at least the type of intimacy that requires work and consideration. The issue here is not only the farting but the fact he is refusing to listen to you.

I would not tell him why you are leaving. Because if you tell him it's the farting, 3 years down the road you will be a joke with his mates.

You are leaving because he is stinking (pushing) you literally out of the room and stamping on your feelings.

Go - it will be the best decision you will have ever made. I'm 59 and the one piece of advice I would have given to my younger self is don't stay hoping things will get better and don't allow fear to stop you making healthy long term decisions for yourself.

@ivehadenough11

I don't get much out of it anymore to be honest.. I'm looking to leave, we don't have children and we're not married. I want to live somewhere where I don't have to deal with being revolted on a regular basis. It's not just this, it's other things but this is what makes me the most angry. He must see that I don't like it by the expression on my face but he does it anyway. I've given him an option (to speak to gp) and he dismisses it. It feels like territorial behaviour.... (it's his house and I moved in).

Vile. This would be a total dealbreaker for me.

He clearly doesn't respect you at all. Why are you with someone like that?

Do you have family or friends you could stay with until you find a flat?

I couldnt stand this. Leave the smelly pig.

The farting isn't the issue op, the issue is him bullying into sex. Take the first decent flat you find and get away from him x

@FizzyGreenWater

Stop having sex - tell him you've got a urinary tract infection.

Get the house asap.

Pack and leave while he is at work.

Block him on everything.

This is excellent advice, please follow it OP.

@FaceForRadio1973

I agree that if someone has that much of an issue with your partner's farting, especially with no responsibilities, then by all means get the hell out! (Personally my partner and I take great pleasure in farting, but it might not be everyone's cup of tea.) However, bringing Women's Aid in???? I'm not convinced a bit of gas is quite the same as somebody's husband using her as his personal punch-bag?

Did you miss the bit where the man coerces her into sex she doesn't want?

" Did you miss the bit where the man coerces her into sex she doesn't want?"

I apologise, I did miss the coercion bit...

However, bringing Women's Aid in???? I'm not convinced a bit of gas is quite the same as somebody's husband using her as his personal punch-bag?

@FaceForRadio1973 As the PP said, people are saying that because he is sexually coercing and assaulting the OP.

I actually think it's a form of passive aggressive abuse. Every time he farts at you (and it is at you) he's telling you he doesn't care and he doesn't even like you.

Some deep seated mummy/toilet/control issues are at work here. He may be mostly unconscience of this, but that won't help you.

Run. Choose life not methane.

Run. Choose life not methane. LOL!!!!

@category12

Love, you don't need to have a big conversation with the guy.

Just find yourself somewhere to live, pack up and go, leave him a "Dear John" letter.

Absolutely this. I did this myself.

The sex thing sounds worse than the farting TBH, and I bet there's other things you could think about that would also contribute to the reasons to leave.

@FaceForRadio1973

I agree that if someone has that much of an issue with your partner's farting, especially with no responsibilities, then by all means get the hell out! (Personally my partner and I take great pleasure in farting, but it might not be everyone's cup of tea.) However, bringing Women's Aid in???? I'm not convinced a bit of gas is quite the same as somebody's husband using her as his personal punch-bag?

Is that really all you have taken from this thread? Did you not read about the abusive behaviour? The coercive sex? The OP is already insecure about leaving and lacking in confidence well done for adding to that.

For me it's a total utter lack of respect, my DH used to think nothing of farting in bed, laughing about it etc and after a while and a few years of marriage I just snapped one day and said why on earth do you think doing that makes me sexually attracted to you, what would I want to go anywhere near your penis with that going on.

I think I shocked him into realising that his bum was in close proximity to his knob and that why the hell would anyone want to go close to that when he's just farted!!

He stopped, he now if he slips up apologies says sorry , he walks out of the house I I hear him sometimes just let out a big one!!

But I felt respected and listened too and I think I tolerated it when we were young was funny but the joke just wore a bit thin.

@Colourmeclear

I shared your horror. My ex used to burp at me and then expect sex. When I turned him down he would explode. He was constantly farting too with an exaggerated lean for maximum effect.

I'm not sure what to suggest. If he likes it (and it is a bodily function) maybe he could leave the room?

"Exaggerated lean for maximum effect" Seriously, how do these 'men' get in our lives

Sorry but I thinks a subtle way letting you he just doesn’t like you anymore. Especially if he was never like this before. I dated a guy just like this.

I also dated a guy that had this type of humor and assumed I thought it was humorous as well but I didn’t and it turned me right off of him. He was too immature thinking for me. I say leave, he doesn’t respect you.

@ilikemethewayiam

Eeeeuwww, I went out with a guy once who, when we got back to his house, did a massive fart. He didn’t attempt to apologise and when i told him it was gross, he grinned, belched, thumped his chest and said my house my rules. I felt utter disgust. I picked up my car keys and left, blocked him everywhere. In my view when a man deliberately does this, he’s testing you to see just how low your standards are and what you will tolerate. Show him you have standards and leave. Make sure you set the bar high next time. Good luck OP

I think there are plenty of women here who would benefit from your attitude and advice. Well done for saying good fucking bye to him!