Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

@Fiftyandmore I also initially though Tinder was for younger people. I was reading the posts on the 40s dating thread and it seemed like people around my age use it so I thought I'd give it a try.

I had loads of likes and I don't want to sound arrogant but a lot of men in their 50s look really old to me. Anyway, I've matched with a few.

I'm chatting to a couple of guys - both in their late 40s. One has suggested meeting but we haven't arranged anything yet. The messages seem OK - nothing suggestive which I often get on POF.

Bear in mind that people lie about their age to an extraordinary degree on Tinder. If he looks about 70 but says he’s 55 - guess what, he’s in his 60s if not older.

I think they think we’re stupid.

I quite enjoy the 'guess the age' game. I do it with the youngsters that come up on Hinge but also notice the men who say they are in their 40's/50's when they have clearly shaved off quite a few years. I judge it by how old they look compared to me

One guy told me about a friend of his who dropped his age by nearly a decade, met someone 'his age'. They married (she knew I'm his actual age by then) and he is bow late 50's with a toddler and knackered from the young wife and running around after a little one

Greyandrare123, it was not just the one thing. My spidery senses started tingling as soon as he disappeared to the toliet on our second date when the bill arrived. I cannot abide even the suggestion of tightness...but I let him sort a couple of minor diy issues first.
Going by some of the stories on here I have been very lucky over the years as I have never really had strange messages or such like.
Fiftyandmore, if he had said he would do a good job I would have agreed obviously :)
I am still talking to Mr Wordy, so far he has proved very sensible and articulate. However I am not looking for a pen pal and I am certainly not into sending lengthy messages after a day in work. He has hair, which is unusually these days. Keeps reasonably fit as proved by a number of photos of him hiking, but I am sure is in the 'could lose a few pounds' range. Since I am in local lockdown we cannot meet.

I was in work today but saw this thread, thanks so much for the laughter.

May I join in please? I'm 51 (for a couple of months more) and live in France. I signed off over a year ago from OLD. I think it's safe to say that I absolutely don't want to go back on the couple of sites I was using every again. I met a few men, had some fun, but to be honest there was far too much confusion and messed-upness and general lack of integrity for me to feel light and positive about it all.

So here I am learning a fair bit about myself (it's never too late ) and aiming to remain upbeat and open to the (unlikely) event of meeting a decent, intelligent and relatively well-balanced man in 'real life'.

It's been a joy reading through this thread. I wish we could all have a coffee or drink together.

One of my worst dates some years back....Met in a pub, I think he kept his coat on the whole time. We actually sat next to each other on a settee, but I think his body whilst relaxed was slightly turned away from me. Conversation was zero stimulating and I ended the evening as quickly as I could. I received a message a few days later...' I don't suppose you fancy another date?' If memory serves me well I think I told him exactly why I would not be bothering.
I have learnt a lot over the years, hence I have a time limit, usually early evening and we sit opposite each other at a table.
I always chat on the phone first, but have discovered you can still become undone with that as well.

Hello @DustyMuse, thanks for joining us. I too wish we could all meet.

The man who wants to be my servant has messaged again calling me a goddess, and assuring me he's not a freak or a Speedo wearing type of guy. Glad we've cleared that up :)

@Daftapath I quite fancy a policeman - where did you find him?!

Can I join please?
I’m finally joined Tinder - I’m just 56 - decided to use the free bit as I saw someone post if they have liked you but you didn’t swipe then there is no need to pay as they weren’t appealing to you.
What an interesting bunch of men.
I’m not a beard person and I’m surprised at the number with beards.
I’ve only swiped on a few - it helps me realise I’m not desperate for any man.
Had tinder say I’ve matched with people who I know I haven’t swiped on - had a couple of the men say “Hey” how stimulating!!
One man took my fancy Mr Swede - supposedly works away on the oil rigs - keeps saying “he wants to get to know me better” - not sure what he means - I can see there is no point over investing in him - He’s not responded to my offer of a chat.
I will patiently persist - great thread - thanks.

[quote Fiftyandmore]@Daftapath I quite fancy a policeman - where did you find him?![/quote]

Bumble!

He is nice just awful at communicating/replying to messages!

Has lots of time off for diy though

Hello @Whydidimarryhim (why did you marry him?!).

Thank you @Daftapath - I might try Bumble then! Did you say upthread that you're London based?

@Daftapath a lightbulb has just gone off in my head! Did your policeman have a beard and a name that began with H?

Im back from my exotic date. We met outside a church took a walk. Yes another walkimg date with me on crutches. He is v attractive and has impeccable manners..Asked lots of questions, laughed and very easy to converse with. I wasnt at all nervous as being 10 years older and on crutches, I assumed he wouldnt be remotely interested. But now im not too sure. His parting words were 'hope to see you again v soon'..Ill deffo see him again if he follows up.Oddly I feel no anxiety, zero and felt no anxiety either when or before we met up. I just knew he was going to turn up and he did.
The walking date from Mon has been on the messaging showing off about his vegetables. He wasnt anywhere near the league of mr cool, calm and collected tonight..I dont think I need to do anything and it will just fizzle out..

[quote Fiftyandmore]@Daftapath a lightbulb has just gone off in my head! Did your policeman have a beard and a name that began with H?[/quote]

No, starts with T. A very unusual name!

I am in West London.

Hi @whydidimarryhim. Haven't ventured into Tinder. I'm sure lots of people frequent more than one site

@Greyandrare123 that sounds very promising! I will keep things crossed that Mr Cool gets in contact. I may even be tempted to message him and say it was lovely to meet him and that he was easy to chat to.

I have a 4th (I think) date with someone tomorrow. He is the lovely one who is slightly shorter than me and lives nowhere near me! He is fun though so I know that we will have a good time. Have only held hands and had pecks on the lips so far though!

@Fiftyandmore Mr Inspector is a good kisser though ... apparently!

Hi Ladies, just catching up with all the posts and having a good laugh. It’s all quiet here on the dating front. I’ve had a few messages, the worst being from a 20 year old asking if I like younger men. 🤮. My son is 20!

There is one I’m interested in but he lives an hour a way and I’m not sure I can be bothered.

I’ve tried a few sites. I’m currently on datingover50s. I thought at least the men on there are looking for someone in my age group (56). Last year I tried e-harmony - hardly anyone in my area. Match - too many oddballs, young men. Telegraph Dating - was not bad but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind.

I’m Surrey based so would definitely be up for a London meet-up when this pandemic is over.

Morning, I am on Match and having a 1st date tonight. We have spoken so I know we will be fine to chat for an hour or so..I may even give a loo update
Not feeling too confident though, I found him online, other than his OLD profile and he didn't look very appealing but I do wonder how I might look in work photos sans makeup.

I am also seeing my "was a date/now a friend" over the weekend. At least from OLD I have made a potential new friend.

@Fiftyandmore

Hello, how has everyone's weekend been? I feel really unsettled tonight for some reason and a bit despondent. I had a completely lovely day yesterday with the date that dd and her friend set up with the friend's dad. Lovely man, easy to get along with, good company - but I wasn't attracted to him at all. He'd like to meet again and I don't know what to do.

Re messaging those I'm not interested in - at first I messaged back to everybody as it felt rude not to do so. But now, like hotchocolatey, I ignore unless someone's taken the time to write a really nice message.

Instant attraction is a lovely and heady thing but I don't believe it's the best way/only way to choose a partner. If the guy is nice give him a chance - attraction grows. I've been dating a guy where I didn't have attraction, quite a lot of dates! BUT he's normal, nice, funny, treats me well - and do you know what? - I'm getting the sparkles now. Choose a good guy using your head and wait for the attraction to come.

@VistaOfFreedom, logically I agree and hope to be like this. Can I ask if you got physical, even a kiss in those earlier, pre sparkle days? This is where I struggle as don't want anything to feel forced.

Fiftyandmore- I loved him at the time!!!😀
He’s getting re married in the next 3 weeks and he is trying to involve me in it all!! “That doesn’t work for me” it my polite response. The other response involves lots of f ings!!!!

@VistaOfFreedom I also logically agree with you but dating men who I have no initial attraction with hasn't worked for me. For me I'm either attracted to them on the first date or I'm not attracted to them at all.

It's a shame because I've been on dates with nice men but just haven't fancied them.

That sounds like it went well @Greyandrare123, fingers crossed for you.

I agree logically too @VistaOfFreedom. But I really don't see it happening in this case. I've seen him three times now - he brought a piece of furniture over to me last night that he'd bought for himself but decided it was too big. I'd seen a picture and said I loved it, so he said I could have it (I have paid him for it). It took some effort to get it here, and after it was inside, we have a drink together. He wants to meet again on Saturday and I couldn't bring myself to say no after he'd gone to all the effort with the furniture :(

Good luck tonight @Techway, hope it goes well.

Thing is, I thought the same about needing the initial attraction. But I've done a fair bit of dating, and realised I'm just not attracted to THAT many guys that are available. So this chap has been a bit of an experiment into whether it CAN develop.

We had maybe 8 dates last year then I said I didn't have time to date him (and I didn't fancy him - I didn't say this bit) . We didn't have any physical stuff in this time, not even holding hands.

We stayed in occasional touch via text. This year, after lockdown eased we started dating again - socially distanced. Thing is he rang me at the start of lockdown to see if me and my daughter were OK and did we need anything. Then, he came and fixed a problem with my water. He's always been lovely and considerate and tbh there are so many sex hunters, messed up guys out there.
I'm the end I said - did he want to stop socially distancing on our dates, and now we've been doing a bit of cuddling, and it's really nice. And he gave me a kiss and it was again lovely. I find myself wanting to touch him now etc so it can grow.
We probably had another 6 dates this year before any cuddling.
I'm just saying - maybe don't rule out otherwise decent guys if you're not getting instant fireworks - you may be doing yourself (and them) a disservice ;)

[quote winterbreak]@VistaOfFreedom I also logically agree with you but dating men who I have no initial attraction with hasn't worked for me. For me I'm either attracted to them on the first date or I'm not attracted to them at all.

It's a shame because I've been on dates with nice men but just haven't fancied them.[/quote]
How many dates have you given them?