Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

@VistaOfFreedom that's great news that it is going well with the chap you are seeing.

There were two guys I got on with very well that I saw about 4 times each (not at the same time). I hoped a spark would ignite but sadly didn't want to even give them a peck on the lips on date 3.

Can I join? Im 55 (and also Surrey /SW London) been dabbling with OLD for about 18 months now. met a fair few but basically very little chemistry - last date on Tuesday evening - nice guy, sane, solvent and pleasant - but not the 5'9 he put on his profile - same height as me in a 2" heel (Im 5'2) and slimmer than me (Im a 10) ... I just cannot fancy a man who is smaller than I am

so back to the drawing board !

Lilybetsy- I didn’t know Tom Cruise was single!!!😀
I’ve added a few more photos and changed the profile one too.
I’ve got someone’s phone number and we will chat over next few days.
I’m getting matched to men I’ve not swiped right on. I’ve only had two genuine matches and the rest have been men I’ve not swiped on.
It’s interesting about letting someone grow on you - I usually have to fancy them - but I understand the thinking and will bear this in mind.

@Lilybetsy Hello - annoying when they lie about their height isn't it.

@whydidImarryhim - I seem to have matched with men I haven't liked as well. I got a message from a guy thanking me for the super like and I thought bugger I've done that by mistake due to lack of sleep 😊 Not so sure now.

Hotchocolatey- I think it’s to keep us all interested. The men and the women I’ve only had two genuine matches.
I’m wondering if my 11 year old son is off putting - but I suppose that’s fair enough. I’m being honest about my commitments.
I had someone from Edinburgh- I’d certainly not swiped him and he didn’t like it when I said he was too far away!!! 😀

@Whydidimarryhim I think you are right.

I wouldn't worry about having a son being off putting. I don't have children and I've had men asking me why I haven't wanted a family. I haven't got that shared experience with the men I've dated with kids. So that's the other side of it.

Met someone tonight. I arrived early and he was a few minutes late.I was going to leave when he arrived. It wasn't so much he was a bit late just that he didn't seem to care that I was going to be there on my own. All the previous dates the men have arrived early, texted to let me know they were there and came out to meet me.

He was shocked that I might leave but I think it just good manners. I chose the venue as half way between us so he had zero effort. We did get on though and I laughed quick a bit but I have this nagging doubt. Aibu??

I keep doing this.... does anyone else? I'll match with someone, they'll say hi, I'll go back to check the profile and remind myself why I swiped right - then I'll wonder why I did when they've got loads of tattoos or they live 100 miles away or I can't see myself ever fancying them but they wrote something I liked but now it feels a bit icky because I should chat but I don't really want to because I really don't like the look of them - but I see so few I like that I feel I have to swipe right once in a while, otherwise there's no hope for me and I'll die alone so here I am wasting my time on someone I don't even want to go on a date with out of politeness. Anyone?

techway a few minutes late doesn't seem that bad... I would see him again if you like him - you'll soon enough find out if that's his only fault and then you'll be doing well!

@WeWantTheFinestWines, yes I think it was more of his attitude and the fact that everyone else has been very polite. He also made a few comments about money which made me think could he be tight, he was also a bit larger than photos and maybe a little smaller than 5ft 9in. Guess I am talking myself out of it! If he puts in some effort I might have a 2nd date as he had a good sense of humour.

@lilybetsy, welcome. Oh that is annoying. Did you leave quickly?

I feel the same about men who are shorter and thinner or the same size as me I was dating a man like that for a little while and tried very hard to fancy him - he had a really nice face and was funny and generous - but he liked to hold my hand when we were out and I felt like I was taking my grown-up middle-aged son for a walk Add in the Denis the Menace T shirt he wore sometimes and the ick just got worse and worse !

@Frenchlady14, Denis the menace, oh grief, why would anyone past the age of 12 wear this.

The lateness thing I would give it a second chance but obviously your alarm is sounding a bit so you will be able to judge whether this is a pattern emerging. Same with the money remarks. Ive noticed some people just are not polite and that would be an issue for me from the get go..However i would let some minor issues account for being nervous but would be vigilant.
Im finding the photos on the mens profiles are generally shocking and unless there is a height issue or an obvious unkempt problem, I usually give it a go. I am oddly equally wary of profiles containing slick, glossy photos beleiving them to be fake.
Im also trying to get over the conditioning I have about height but finding it tricky to get past it. Although I wouldht actually be offended if a man said I was too tall. But they dont, they just make themselves 2 inches, or a foor taller themselves.
No dates for me this weekend. Mr swarthy swoon has messaged and said he really enjoyed our meeting. We are meeting again next week . Im just not reading anything into it and will look forward to another pleasant evening. My experience tells me if he felt sorry for me, he wouldnt bother. Men dont bother with women they dont find appealing in some way, ive learned. So no self sabotaging here..yet.
Ive another iron on the go. He has dreadful pictures but is tall. He writes nicely and asks questions. He seems to interact well with people like his neighbours and friends. For those reasons Ill give him a go and yes, it will be another walking datre with me on crutches.
I have other irons and cultivating potential meetings with them, when I can and if they dont go weird.
Ive also got my ex in the background. He is seeing someone new and has described her as being clingy. I reminded him to also be mindful of his habit of not complimenting and being evasive would lead to a gf thinking she has no value.

Ha ha Dennis the Menace!

Re fancying and kissing on first date. On OLD I had a few first dates where I knew instantly I would never kiss them even if they were the last man on Earth. And three that ended in some rather steamy snogging. These are the ones that turned into relationships, including my current one. In between were the ‘goodnight kiss’ guys. For two of these, the kiss was dreadful so it was a straight ‘no thanks’ by text on the way home. For two, it wasn’t too bad so I gave them another couple of dates. Nothing developed further.

We’re all different, but for me, first dates are all about the (urge to) kiss or not, and the quality/effect of the kiss if it happens.

I agree -I have to at least want to kiss them!

I had a nice date about a month ago -nice man, nice date but we didn't have anything in common. At the end of the date he said he'd like a second date & hugged me which took me by surprise as we'd socially distanced throughout.

I just knew I'd never want to do anything physical with him.

Everyone is the same height sitting down.
That is what I discovered when I went on a date with someone who described himself as 5ft 6. In boots I was probably scrapping 5ft 4 and I was looking down on him. I forgot about it when we were sat down, but when we got up to leave I was quickly reminded.
Greyandrare123 I am still hugely impressed that you are venturing out on walking dates on crutches. I hpe you see Mr Swarthy again.

I am already losing interest in Mr Wordy, even though I am only responding to him a couple of times a day I am finding it a bit of a chore. This despite the fact I do not even write much.
He is retired, which puts me off somewhat, although his days seem busy.
However to top this something strange occurred last night and I thought being an old hand I had seen it all.
I opened a message from him which used my name but asked me 'how my assessment writing' was going?' Unusually a one lined message with poor grammar and punctuation.
I responded with ' I think you have messaged the wrong person'
He came back with 3 further poorly written brief messages saying it was his attempt at humour.
He has either indeed messaged the wrong person, was drunk, or someone else is now responding to me.
Another one bites the dust.

How weird @crimsonlake!

Well the guy I was chatting to on Tinder who suggested a date has now either taken himself off Tinder or unmatched with me (not sure if you can do this if you are messaging someone). I'm not really that bothered as he's not really tall enough for me and lives quite far away.

I don't know whether it's my age or Covid but dating seems a bit difficult at the moment. I've only had one date in 12 months!

Evening all :). That's very strange @crimsonlake. What do you think is going on?

@Techway I think the few minutes late is forgivable but if you add in the height/weight/money issues you have quite a few things going on there.

@Greyandrare123 you sound as if you're doing really well - another date lined up for next week, and other irons on the go.

@lilybetsy hello :). It's so frustrating when they're not up front about height or age. I really don't see the point because as soon as you meet you can see within minutes that they've stretched the truth!

@WeWantTheFinestWines I'm guilty of doing exactly that too - replying, getting drawn in, wondering what on Earth the point is as I'm not at all attracted etc.

I have three or four convos on the go but I'm not wildly keen on any of them and I think it's mutual. Actually - one of them is very funny but his profile is a complete spoof so we're just having the most ridiculous conversation but it's making me laugh out loud (I tried hard then to just write 'lol' but I couldn't do it)!? Plus he apparently lives in Grimsby.

Another one admitted after we'd exchanged a few messages that he was in fact 29 not 50, and did I mind. I was considering how to reply politely and when I went back to do so the whole convo had disappeared.

Another one is quite funny and quite local - but I'm not drawn to his pics.

Another is keen but arrogant.

Another is nice but boring!

Gah! Not a single promising prospect! Time for gin!

@hotchocolatey it's not your age - or if it is your age, then it's the same for all of us on here! Covid doesn't help though.

I was messaged by someone with the funniest profile photo tonight.

A man dressed in gold shiny shorts with matching braces and I use that word loosely as they were as high as knickers. Finished off with a pink sparkly tank top. Speechless but gave me a good laugh.

Fiftyandmore glad to see you are not putting all your eggs in one basket.
If you are not wildly keen it is hard to keep the conversation going.

Just checked and Mr Wordy has messaged again, cringe.
Not so wordy again, but saying his attempt at humour had misfired.
I fail to see where the humour was, since I have no written assignments?? I cannot summon the energy to point this out, apart from my other suspicions.
I had deleted him and his messages and now he has popped up again, just leave me alone.

I have a slightly odd problem. Please bear with me.

I’m dating a guy who is off the charts handsome. He’s tall, has lovely dark floppy hair like Hugh grant in his hey-day... (He also has a lovely personality, seems kind, thoughtful and interesting).

I don’t normally date guys like this. In fact I usually date short, tubby fairly ordinary men.
I feel a bit, well, lost? I don’t seem to know what to do with him. I find him so attractive that it’s freaking me out.
Even worse, he wants to take things slowly and take our time getting to know each other. None of this is familiar territory for me in dating terms. (Normally there’s lots of drinking/sex/fast-forwarding and hoping for the best)
I know this sounds ridiculous (and it is!) but if anyone had some advice?

Someone with hair, can he be over fifty :)
To be honest I need to see a photo, only joking.
I suppose your only option is to respect his boundaries and try to control yourself.
Sorry I am not much help.