Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

@Wildest - 8 is so young. How did your dc deal with it? My youngest was 12. Very true about learning from every relationship.

Do you really think that's good going @WildestDreamsSunset

So - as I said earlier, it says in my profile that I hate talking on the phone and that I realise that's a dealbreaker for some. Have a message from a man ending in "here's my number, hope we can talk on the phone soon". Nope!

And another message from another man saying "how are you doing Anne?" My name isn't Anne! Obviously sent me a message meant for someone else (Anne presumably). But that's a mistake any of us could make so I won't hold it against him!

@Greyandrare123 - don't get too hung up on the matches. It proves nothing really as you know and it won't make you feel good about yourself if you try to analyse it too deeply.

I'm sorry - my "do you really think that's good going" question was for crimson. Some people seem to get so many dates. I have a friend who has at least one a week - and she's quite picky! She's also clever and beautiful and kind and I cannot for the life of me see where/how she finds enough men she wants to go on a date with!

@fiftyandmore

Anne! 😂 Yes, I'm sure we've all done it! I know I have.

I wonder where your beautiful friend finds men to date as well ? I want to know which site she's on?! 😆

[quote Fiftyandmore]**@Wildest - 8 is so young. How did your dc deal with it? My youngest was 12. Very true about learning from every relationship.

Do you really think that's good going @WildestDreamsSunset

So - as I said earlier, it says in my profile that I hate talking on the phone and that I realise that's a dealbreaker for some. Have a message from a man ending in "here's my number, hope we can talk on the phone soon". Nope!

And another message from another man saying "how are you doing Anne?" My name isn't Anne! Obviously sent me a message meant for someone else (Anne presumably). But that's a mistake any of us could make so I won't hold it against him!

@Greyandrare123 - don't get too hung up on the matches. It proves nothing really as you know and it won't make you feel good about yourself if you try to analyse it too deeply.[/quote]
I think a lot of men cut and paste their messages and aren't even clever enough to take out the name

Fiftyandmore I do think you are doing well, but that is good for you and I am pleased.
Possibly it is what I call ' fresh blood' on these sites, new faces are always popular.
As for your friend? I guess everything is subjective? Perhaps she meets men that still would not appeal to me as we all have different tastes. What one person would date another would turn down.
Does she spend a lot of time on old and messaging first?
Realistically if I responded to every man who sent me a message I imagine could meet someone every week. As it is I would say I respond to 1 in 30 messages.

Vivamiltonkeynes, and the ones who message you twice and it is the same copy and paste message.
The ones who message time and again despite never having had a response, now that looks desperate.
I always refuse to answer ' how are you finding this site?' I would not be still on here if I was doing well, grrr.

There is another dating thread on MN and I read on that a few years ago - imagine going into a pub and there were 100 men - how many of them would you like or hit it off with ? How many of them would like you or hit if off with you ? How many would there be where you both liked each other ? It really is a numbers game and it is good to remember that . It's not that you are wanting or him even .Treat each first meeting as an interview - it's all about compatability . Don't chat for too long and build up an imaginary person in your head .I used Match and then met my now lovely H on POF.

@crimsonlake my friend is on elite. I think she must have all the right attributes to appeal to a huge variety of men! I know that she quite often is the one who suggests a date but I still don't know how she finds so many she can actually be bothered to meet!

@VivaMiltonKeynes I like that analogy, it puts things into a bit of perspective - thank you! I'm on PoF - hope I have similar success to you!

I've just seen a picture on PoF that cannot be real! He looks like he hasn't finished evolving!

Yikes - and now one asking if he can be my servant and he'll do anything for me! I'm thinking he doesn't mean the laundry or walking the dog!

I have stopped with the compulsive swiping. It was leading me nowhere and I then ended up with a lot of hi messages. However by not focusing so much on the shopping experience I have received some nice, funny messages from men I would have not looked at. I dont need a full on attraction from the start. I can grow to find someone attractive..I didnt find my ex attractive at first but then after a while I thought he was gorgeous.
Hello Anne 😃. Im sure there is a lot of copy and pasting going on..
Mr walking has now been in touch to tell me he is off to the pub. He is polite and Ill go along with it for a while.
Mr 42 has confirmed. Very well mannered messages. Seems easy to get along with and sorted in himself. He was born here and his parents are Asian so this will be interesting I hope.
Yes when I get the "how are you finding it here?' I either delete or reply 'i have had 234 messages and 300 matches'. That bit is made up but assuming this is what they are asking.
Susan where are you?

Fiftyandmore, I am not familiar with Elite...do you have to be elite? :)
Be your servant? That is a new one...I am always hoping to meet a plumber, electrician, solicitor...very useful occupations.
If it is a numbers game I must be in the thousands and my number has not come up.

Haha. Crimson, I did look around my home at all the things that need doing and wonder if I could get them done via old! 😆😆

I think my problem (or one of them) is that I am reluctant to pay anything! When I got a free two weeks premium on bumble, I definitely got more chats but find I can only manage a couple at a time as I forget what I have said to whom! Might pay again for another week at some point

I'm taking a break from POF and have hidden my profile. I have been blocked by someone I was chatting to. He suggested we meet and then tried it on with the "sexy talk" and I told him I wasn't up for it before even meeting him. This seems to be a familiar pattern lol.

Meanwhile on Tinder I seem to have super liked a few men by mistake and have messages from them. I find it a bit frustrating that there often isn't much information on Tinder profiles like what they are looking for, profession etc but I guess it's something to chat about.

Daftapath, I did start chatting to a joiner recently as I needed a door hanging....that door still needs hanging :)
I am currently chatting to someone who told me that he invariably has to take his tool kit around to his daughter's when he visits for a spot of diy.
My eyes lit up and I thought 'he is my man'
Some time ago I was more successful and became friendly with someone who arrived with his tool kit in a very odd looking type of handbag. Well he did offer. That coupled with the fact he told me he had a 'feminine side' made me run for the hills. I like a manly man.

@Daftapath @crimsonlake

I did laugh at " arrived with his tool kit in a very odd looking type of handbag"

I too have often thought how nice it would be to meet a handy man -plumber, builder etc
although my wish sort of came true as I had a handy man come round earlier this year to quote for a job and then come back and do a few jobs that needed doing.

A couple of days later he messaged me saying how lovely I am and easy to talk too and asked me out! He looked about 58 and hadn't aged well. He seemed a nice man but I just didn't fancy him.
Anyway, I politely declined but then we went into lockdown and he started sending me little jokey things through WhatsApp. I assumed they were being sent to everyone in his contacts list and didn't respond. He then sent me several photos of his bar & lots of fancy looking cocktails. I started to realise the messages were probably aimed at me. It made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

He then sent a message saying he hoped me and the kids were keeping safe and added two kisses. I just felt this crossed a line!
I don't want to ask him to do jobs now, either because it could be awkward as he seems to have this daft crush!

Although I'd still like to meet a 'manly, good at DIY type' man for dates.

I encountered a man once on Tinder with a strange kink: he wanted to do my gardening while wearing a chastity belt that only I had a key to 😳. He planned to do the gardening badly so I would chastise him, then send him home still in the belt. No actual sex would take place. I mean, what was in it for me??? I do my own gardening badly thank you!

Obviously I never met him and I quietly unmatched him overnight. Got to love the Weirdos of Tinder!

@crimsonlake I don't think you have to be elite to be on Elite! But the men my friend sees do tend to be doctors or architects or solicitors. I'd have paid good money to see the toolkit and the odd looking bag!

@WildestDreamsSunset that does sound a bit much and very annoying that you can't use him now! There is definitely something very attractive about a practical man! The man I saw last year was a builder - my house benefitted quite a lot from his attention (as did I!).

@TiggerDatter was he proposing to bring his own chastity belt or were you meant to source one from somewhere?! What can have happened in his life to give rise to that particular fetish I wonder?!

@hotchocolatey I don't like the brief profiles much either or the "just ask" ones or the "does anybody read this anyway?" ones. I'm interested in how you get on with Tinder - I think I said upthread that I can't help feeling it's for the young ones. I also feel a bit uncomfortable that people know you're relatively close. I know that's irrational! Will you keep us posted how you get on?

😂 ! I can't see any benefit to you and your garden might look even worse afterwards!
Yes, there are some very odd people out there!

I really need to work on my over-the-top use of exclamation marks - sorry.

@Fiftyandmore that’s what I always wonder about fetishes too: why? How? And how do you find others who share them? Then I return to (efficiently, and completely untrammelled) dead-heading the roses and leave them to it.

@TiggerDatter

I encountered a man once on Tinder with a strange kink: he wanted to do my gardening while wearing a chastity belt that only I had a key to 😳. He planned to do the gardening badly so I would chastise him, then send him home still in the belt. No actual sex would take place. I mean, what was in it for me??? I do my own gardening badly thank you!

Obviously I never met him and I quietly unmatched him overnight. Got to love the Weirdos of Tinder!

Who wants a badly trimmed bush

So he would be wearing a chasity belt while doing an awful job in your garden? As you say you could be doing your own garden badly without the additional burden of that in your way 🤔
Could you describe the odd shaped handbag containing tools? Its funny how just one thing can throw you off the path completely.
I got messaging with someone last night who asked what I was doing. I replied watching TV. He said he was spending the evening soothing a chronic skin condition with copious emoliants, rubbing them in..Im all for openess but felt we had jumped from TV shows to details about skin complaints a little too fast.

Oh, you have all made me laugh this morning!

Not sure what the neighbours would think of me ordering a chastity belted man around in my garden ... let alone the teens!! Some men pay to be ordered around you know. Could be a new career!

Laughing at the diy handbag. Mostly because I keep lots of my tools in an old woven basket handbag

I had looked into doing a diy course for women. Thought it would be better than relying on a man. I had assumed that they wouldn't be running any more at the moment but I should check.

The police inspector I saw for a while was clearly very handy so maybe I should encourage that again!