Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

A man sent me a "hi" message earlier - I've long since given up responding to those. And just now he's sent "cat got your tongue?". I want to reply, demonstrating that the cat has not in fact got my tongue, by saying "no, but I'm not interested in engaging with someone who can't make the initial effort beyond a two-letter word, and who has now shown himself to be impatient and entitled and actually quite rude".

But I'll miss the final scene in Dirty Dancing if I do that, and no man is going to distract me from Baby and Johnny and the lift :)

Oh god, I so hope Baby and Johnny got married and had 7 children and danced around the kitchen every night and had 25 grandchildren and were happy ever after :)

@DustyMuse thank you for your explanation. I always quite fancied a french man - the accent does terrible things to me but I don't much fancy being a mistress nor do I want my partner to have one!

@Fiftyandmore

A man sent me a "hi" message earlier - I've long since given up responding to those. And just now he's sent "cat got your tongue?". I want to reply, demonstrating that the cat has not in fact got my tongue, by saying "no, but I'm not interested in engaging with someone who can't make the initial effort beyond a two-letter word, and who has now shown himself to be impatient and entitled and actually quite rude".

But I'll miss the final scene in Dirty Dancing if I do that, and no man is going to distract me from Baby and Johnny and the lift :)

yeh, that's a real ''you entertain ME'' opening gambit isn't it.

He'd get bored of YOU with no awareness that he was not entertaining company himself.

I love Dirty Dancing Fiftyandmore! Although I always imagined it was a one-off intense summer romance; a sort of rite of passage. Hell, have I burst your Baby & Johnny bubble? I hope not!

French men are attractive. I have learned to not take their words at face value though. They are so good at making you feel really special and then, like a wet firework, the potential good start goes out with a whimper rather than a bang as they back down. It's quite weird and very disappointing the first few times it happens.

He would get bored wouldn't he @OwlOne, despite my scintillating conversation and witty repartee not. I'm expecting the "you've got no chat/who do you think you are" message any minute now :)

@DustyMuse I think you're probably right about Baby and Johnny. Anyway, all the dancing would get a bit irritating after a while, especially if you were in the middle of cooking dinner or doing the ironing and Johnny was insisting on a merengue.

I always imagined that french men (not all of them obviously) would be silver tongued and debonair like Charles Aznavour (dp?). Hadn't considered the wet firework side of things!

Welcome @DustyMuse

@Fiftyandmore some of the "follow up messages" I get if I don't reply are a tad irritating like "I don't bite", "Have I scared you off?" Nope, just don't want to reply lol.

Nobody puts Mumsnetters in a corner

@Hotchocolatey

Welcome *@DustyMuse*

@Fiftyandmore some of the "follow up messages" I get if I don't reply are a tad irritating like "I don't bite", "Have I scared you off?" Nope, just don't want to reply lol.

Nobody puts Mumsnetters in a corner

Definitely not @hotchocolatey

The dog has just stolen my flapjacks, the Co-op imitation Baileys is watery, and I'm bored!

What I wouldn't give to be in a pub by a lovely fire with you folks now :)

What I wouldn't give to be in a pub by a lovely fire with you folks now

That sounds ideal!

A very attractive man, late 40s, has liked my profile but his says he wants children, so not sure how that could work.

Also does anyone notice that men seem to adjust their age...some look considerable older yet say they are in their 50s.

I might take another break from the site so that I focus on RL stuff, generally a week or so off does me good.

Oh yes I notice that some in their 50’s look so old , but then I have to remember that I’m 51 and maybe look like that too. But yes I do look at some and think ‘blimey could be my dad!’

I’m not feeling it at the moment either , I’m just swiping left nope, nope, nope . I might wait til after lockdown so at least can meet up for a drink.

People lie about their ages all the time on OLD of course, yet another thing that makes it such a minefield.

I know, it's really hard, older men all look like ''dads'' to me. And scruffier dads. I am 50 now and gave up OLD in my 40s, I think I just threw in the towel at 47! And personally I have been so much happier. My focus has been on personal growth and less on why randomers rejected me or offended me or insulted me. I take my hat off to anybody brave enough to keep trying so I hope nobody minds me loving these threads! I'm OLD vicariously :-p

I've had messages from men in their 50s who look really old to me. I get told I look young for my age but when I see myself on Zoom I think I look ancient. The last two men I dated were in their early 40s. I didn't notice the age gap at all but I felt like I was punching above my weight a bit.

I haven't properly dated anyone for over a year. In some respects it's been nice to get back into enjoying hobbies and not wondering if someone is going to text me and do they really like me.

I posted a message yesterday but it doesn't seem to be here so I'll do it again ... upthread someone mentioned that men in their 50s generally look better in real life. I was on a zoom call the other day with an old friend and colleague. When I met him years go he was one to make the ladies swoon but now he is mid-50s and as we were on the call I looked at him and thought, do you know what, if I were just going to make a decision based on looks alone, the way he looked then, I would have swiped left. (Btw our relationship is like brother/sister where he is the REALLY annoying kid brother!)

@TiggerDatter I'm on a site for older people (OurTime) and I've found that although the guys seem to be honest about their ages, some of them are putting on photos of either their sons or them 30 years younger. So no likes from me. Also if a man rates himself as attractive, no likes from me. I am absolutely average but can't be arsed making contact with a man who rates himself as attractive.

Putting up pictures of their sons? That’s extraordinary 😂. So is rating themselves as attractive. It tells you what you need to know about their character and judgement though.

Wish me luck. I have a date. Ive a big coat on and will laugh out loud if he says I look comfortable. Its all BS until it happens. This is the farmer whom Id acussed of being flaky yesterday. He messaged to confirm soon after and to say looking forward to meeting me.
Bloody scientist has completely vanished. It could be his phone. It could be anything.
Had some ask me if i was able to think in the higher powers of eternity and when I said no, got weird. Deleted.
And the usual flakes lurk

Ooh @Greyandrare123 - good luck. Enjoy. Hope it’s not raining cats and dogs where you are. It’s terrible here. I assume you’re going for a walk.

@Greyandrare123, good luck..report back!

@Greyandrare123 good luck

Im back. Took a walk with him and his dog. Easy chat but he didnt really ask any questions and didnt seem to have any curiosity but was very polite holding gates open etc. I assumed he didnt find me at all attractive given the lack of questions and was suprised to see a message saying he would like to meet again. Ill give it a couple of days thought.
The scientist has reappeared. A family member has got covid and has gone into hospital. I wished her the best and will leave him to it now.

Well done @Greyandrare123, how did you feel about him?

I was chatting earlier to someone and some of the things he was telling me sounded strangely familiar. Turned out my rl friend who has loads of dates had been out with him!

@fiftyandmore I dont know is the honest reply. He reminds me so much of a man I know who I am 'very fond of in a brotherly way' which doesnt bode well. I may give him a second go. He isnt pushy or weird or anything like that.
Did you laugh when your realised the man you were talling to was your friends date?

@Greyandrare123 is it a reflection on my OLD experience that meeting someone who isn't weird or pushy sounds like a very good thing?!

Yes, friend and I had a little laugh - she said that he was good looking but that he no longer does the job he claims to, has money worries, and is a conspiracy theorist. So she's weeded him out for me already! Shame though as he was local and attractive.

I've just had a message from a man who I've been talking to since Friday. He said he'd just looked at my pictures again and that I'm "quite an attractive lady". Am I supposed to be flattered by that? I feel like telling him to fuck off! Maybe I should step away from the sites for a while!

Fiftyandmore - ooh ‘quite an attractive lady’ - not sure how I’d take that, don’t think I’d be flattered either! Maybe ask on a scale of 1-10 , 1 being really ugly and 10 being stunningly gorgeous where you sit , just for clarification