Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

A 4 year old would be a dealbreaker for me: been there, done that. Just say tell him you’ve had second thoughts and you don’t think there’s a future? I don’t see how that makes you a shallow cow. Don’t think about his needs and feelings, think about yours first and foremost!

Yes thanks TiggerDatter that’s been my problem my whole life, putting others first. Need to start as I mean to go on!

Lockdown has put paid to meeting for a drink so that helps you out with that one. Best just be honest.

Oh god. I just sent a really polite text saying I didn’t think it would work re his silent sleeping issue and me not wanting to go back to dealing with small kids and he said he doesn’t want me to right him off yet and still really wants to meet me and doesn’t expect me to take on any parenting duties.

Why is this so hard. I was obviously too nice 😂 what do I put now?

@coronade I just say 'thank you but I am wont be changing my initial decision and I wish you all the best'. The silent sleeping would do my head in more than the 4 year old.

You didn’t need to give a reason, your reasons are yours and don’t need to be shared.

I have to ask, when you say ‘noisy sleeper’ do you mean you snore? Has he not heard of earplugs?

Yes I do all sorts, have since I was little. I talk, grind my teeth plus a bit of heavy breathing ( god I sound like a wart hog). My ex was awful with having to have total silence and I felt like I couldn’t even breath and he would be moaning (obviously he was silent all night). Yes you are right I think I just need to toughen up. I suppose on the plus side I must have come across ok during the phone call 😂

No dates here, few opportunist to chat on WhatsApp - but one was in China and the other in Alaska - I didn’t bother - I don’t see the point as I didn’t feel any glimmer with them and we would never meet.
Great hearing your dates and conversations.
I only check in on Tinder a few times a way.
Tinder does a swipe surge on Sundays - loads of matches but I wasn’t part of it. 😀😀
I’m In south east London - lockdown is going to be more difficult this time. I managed to get my hair cut and highlighted on Sat. Library today and got some books out. I also heeled two pairs of shoes. Oh the excitement!!!!

Mr Scotsman messaged today, only took him two days, well I shall be mirroring him with my response. Just as well I am not interested, but why do some men think it is acceptable to take days to message back.
For once I was messaged today by someone who I found attractive, unfortunately he is only 45 years old and made no effort. He did look good sat on his horse though rather like someone from the the Wild West.

God I wish I had got my hair organised! I have a ‘fluffy mullet’ according to my DD. How bad will it be by the end of lockdown???

Just had classic catfish message - got the trio - hi dear, he’s a widow and in the army. 😂 Here it is
“Hi beautiful. nmhnyhHi dear! How are you doing, How is family and work?”

god I sound like a wart hog

Tell him about the grinding, talking and heavy breathing. That should do the trick

I did but it didn’t put him off 🤣haven’t heard back after my second message 😅

Coronade - how do you know it’s a catfish - I’m a bit naive around these things. I don’t tend to message with the handsome men with just one staged looking photo. They look like models and too good to be true.

Whydidimarryhim Yes all the things you said (although some do have more than one pic). Writing ‘hi dear’ is a giveaway plus using ‘mom’ instead of mum. Most are widows and being a serviceman is also a big red flag. You really have to trust no one to start with. It’s a steep learning curve.

I don't really understand how writing "hi dear" makes you a catfish. Just sounds like an idiot.

Can't tag on mobile, but I agree if you don't want to carry on talking to someone you just tell them. I've just told someone 2 hours away that I think it's too far at the moment. He asked if I don't believe in internet love (!) - I said I do but it has to grow through seeing each other regularly and we're too far apart for that so he said ok.

On the other hand, if you don't want to engage in conversation with a massive 27-year old with a beard down to his chest it's fine to just delete.

I am really not feeling it at the moment. Nobody sparks my interest, nothing anyone has said has been a) funny, b) interesting or c) intriguing. Everyone is hideous, I'm a really annoying combination of super picky and shallow (which I prefer to describe as 'realistic') and the same profiles come back again and again even though I keep swiping left on them (take that, 'cheeky gent'!). It would be much more fun if I could meet up with you lot in a bar full of wine and share war stories till the wee small hours...

@Fiftyandmore Thank you for your kind and wise words. It is soul destroying and given that l was having a bad day yesterday as it was - non stop tears 🙄 - the blocking was the proverbial straw!
@Greyandrare123 Thank you too - just when l thought l was toughening up a simple blocking unravels me.
@Techway - feeling better today, thank you
I have taken a step back from a few sites and deleted 2 accounts - having been made redundant in August l have too much time on my hands and it just wasn’t doing me any favours so I am determined to focus on something else!

@coronade .. I met my husband on Match ... I did set some ground rules for myself after kissing a few frogs !! One was that I wouldn't date anyone with children younger than mine ... absolute deal breaker for me ... my days at soft play are well and truly behind me !! .. don't feel bad !!

@coronade

Just had classic catfish message - got the trio - hi dear, he’s a widow and in the army. 😂 Here it is “Hi beautiful. nmhnyhHi dear! How are you doing, How is family and work?”

Oh yeh they think that's what women want!

@friendlymum67 you're very welcome, and I hope you're feeling a bit better today. I'm sorry you were made redundant - all sorts of crap being thrown at us this year :(.

@coronade I also snore really loudly - dd and I went away for a weekend a while back and were sharing a hotel room (much to her dismay). I woke up in the night to see her bed was empty. Found her under a duvet in the bath which was apparently a better place to sleep than in the bed next to me! I do actually worry though that my snoring could be a dealbreaker but I figure I'll tackle that if and when the time comes!

My rl friend who I've mentioned before (the one who seems to have no trouble attracting men, finding ones she's attracted to, and getting dates) is out tonight on her second date of the week! I don't know how she does it.

@WeWantTheFinestWines I feel a bit jaded too. Mr Gardener hasn't been in touch since yesterday afternoon. We did say on Sunday that we'd try and arrange a quick walk or something before Thursday so let's see what happens. I do like him, but at the same time, I won't be too upset if nothing comes of it. In fact, I'm expecting nothing to come of it - I've learnt that most interactions seem to go nowhere. And I would love for us all to meet in a bar or pub somewhere! One day we'll make it happen!

I never used to snore but I do now, I hate that I do it. My DDs seem to find it amusing in a patronising kind of way. And my (don’t know what to call him - ‘boyfriend’ seems so teenage) “whatever” doesn’t mind one tiny bit. I guess he must be the one 😂

@Fiftyandmore that's really funny! In the bath under a duvet - I suppose when you do find someone who isn't bothered, you'll know he's a keeper!

@WeWantTheFinestWines she definitely wasn't seeing the funny side at the time! Dh used to swear like a navvy in his sleep - it was really disconcerting because when he was awake he very rarely swore!

Mr Gardener has been in touch and it looks like Thursday is on. I've also made tentative plans to meet someone else tomorrow - I can't quite put my finger on why, but something about this one makes me think he's very forward. And another one is messaging and sounding very keen but those ones rarely come to anything.

How is everyone's week going? Early night for me tonight.

I’ve been messaging someone today I will call him Mr Cement. He’s phoning in a bit. I’ve got DD at home with her radar ears, she really should get a job for the FBI. I will be like a teenager in my bedroom with her outside with her ear to the door.😂. She’s 18, so I think she is just embarrassed that I might actually want a man in my life. I should be in the corner with my tena lady discreet pants on knitting a shawl 😂

Mr Guarded came back on Monday and explained his plausible weekend absence. We are speaking Thursday for the first time. Will have my radar switched on as conscious he could be married. He claims to be long time single, lives alone etc. Not far from me and I know names of his children, where he works etc.

Mr A, well, well, a surprise, we found out we have loads in common and had a quick chat tonight and plan a walk in the park at the weekend (think we are allowed??) We both couldn't believe the similarities, place we grew up in, clubs we went to as teens, parents from the same place. He mentioned this first so I know that is true. Before I send out wedding invites though.. ...as always some amber signs, he seems to have avoided answering about children (only realised that afterwards) and isn't online often. He said that he feels he could get sucked into the online sites so tries not to spend too much time. Hmmm..we shall see on Sat, weather permitting. Damm lockdown as a coffee or drink is always preferable to a walk, in the cold.

I am messaging with a carpenter, he seems keen but not sure if we are a good match, will maybe speak with him. So far quick good fun.
I have had lovely messages from a 37 year old, broaching the age difference and was so complimentary. Luckily he also lives out my range or otherwise I might be tempted. I miss flirting!!!