Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

@moomoo1967 No, we didn't video call. To be honest that wouldn't work for me. I need to see someone in real life. I'm not expecting Brad Pitt -I'm realistic about how men look in their forties/fifties. I think meeting in real life if someone has a nice smile or a bit of a twinkle in their eye ... you just know. It wasn't just about not fancying him though. This guy kept touching his nose throughout the date and I kept thinking 'you really need to wash your hands now!' 😬

@wildestdreamssunset I always insist on video calling prior to a date, because one guy 2 years ago wasn't completely honest with me. Yuck to the nose touching

@WildestDreamsSunset, you seem to have similar thoughts to me. I don't over invest but my last date was much worse than I expected. I was starting to think maybe I couldn't like anyone but I was on a zoom call with a potential supplier and he was 50s and just lovely. It would be a different story if he showed up on a date!! He had confidence, laughed and there was something, maybe a sparkle that made him attractive.

I have 2 potentials, one is quite guarded so I don't know too much about his background. The other was really keen to move to text but then hasn't been around much. I am am not chasing him though as he may have a number of women on the go.

I am still chatting to my penpal though, kinda fine with it as we work in the same industry so lots in common.

Techway, they usually do have a number of women on the go. Basically as we all know it is best not to put all your eggs in one basket.
Could you find out if Mr Supplier is single :)

@WildestDreamsSunset I'm so sorry for your disappointment, it's just all so much effort isn't it? Video calling wouldn't work for me either mainly because I would feel supremely self conscious, and I know I'm not photogenic so video calling would show me in an even worse light. Don't look on it as time wasted though, look on it as a bit more experience. You are now more knowledgeable about all this dating stuff than you were 24 hours ago!

Hello to @NowImmeagain, good to have you with us.

@crimsonlake you're right about Terry (and Terry is a much better name for him than G!). I may not have to do anything about him though as Dd met with his nephew today (they were in the same school year so she knows the nephew as well as Terry's daughter). She accidentally told him that I was on a date this afternoon so most likely the nephew will say something to G.

My date this afternoon went well I think. Original plan had been for us to meet in London but since London moved to tier 2 I suggested he might like to come to me. He agreed and ended up having a nightmare journey due to the district line being closed, and was nearly an hour late. I felt really bad that he'd had had so much hassle getting here but he didn't seem to mind at all. We ended to having lunch although originally had planned just drinks, and we only parted because he had plans with friends tonight. He also told me that I reminded him of a singer, and the only other person who has said the same thing is my dh. So I took that as a good sign. We have both said we'd like to meet again but let's see what happens.

@crimsonlake, he made a reference to holidays away as a "we" so I think not...however I will be talking to him much more in the future and we are joined on Linkedin.

Fiftyandmore....sounds very promising...are you going to divulge which singer :) I am glad you had a lovely afternoon.
Forgot to add that I am divorcing the bigamist :)

@Fiftyandmore, wahoo! Good news..has he got a name we can refer to him as? And now now intrigued..can you say what singer?

@crimsonlake you don't need to divorce him - I've decided to call the wedding off :). He's all yours.

@Techway your guarded potential sounds like he could be intriguing.

I'm not getting too excited yet, I've read all the horror stories on here! He's a landscape gardener so Mr Gardener?

Singer is Kate Bush - I don't see it myself but am happy to be compared to her!

Fiftyandmore, can't find a man and now I cannot get rid of one :)
I agree it is best to be wary, it is not unknown to have a great date and then they disappear, but I have everything crossed it will not happen to you.
If keen I would expect a text telling you he enjoyed the date sometime this evening.
Kate Bush, is it the voice or the hair and lots of it?

@Fiftyandmore your date sounds promising!

I thought I'd have give Hot or Not a try. I've had a few messages and lots of likes. There's no one I'm especially interested in.

I got a like from a trans women who is bisexual. Each to their own but I don't know how she managed to view my profile. On my profile it says I am straight and interested in men.

Gloomy Sunday with gloomy lockdown news :(.

@crimsonlake your "can't find a man, can't get rid of one" comment made me laugh! Re the Kate Bush comparison - unfortunately it's definitely not the voice! (Or the figure!).

@hotchocolatey I'd not heard of hot or not before this thread. Settings and preferences seem to be ignored on a lot of the sites don't they?

@Fiftyandmore I wonder how close we are as you mention the district line . Glad that your date was promising and great that he put the effort in to come to you.

I had such a lovely day with Mr Gatwick. We met at 11am and I didn't get home until 9.30pm! Lots of walking (10 miles!), lots of laughter and some lovely views of London. He was very indulgent of me taking photos like a tourist and pointing out good shots. No idea what this next lockdown will bring. I guess it will be a test!

Started talking to another relatively local guy. Told him I had been out all day on Friday 'being a tourist'. He said that it was great that I was interested in doing fun things. He hasn't messaged since asking if it was a date! What does he expect on a dating site? 

@hotchocolatey interesting to see how many of the same men you notice on the different site.

I wouldn't be keen to video chat before meeting. Not least because it's so hard to do with two teens around but would prefer to make and to get an impression face to face.

Wonder how this new lockdown will change the dating sites?

Fiftyandmore, indeed gloomy times and gloomy weather, at least you managed to spend a lovely day yesterday on your date, has he been in touch yet?

Having heard the rumours of a second lockdown on Friday night I spent all of yesterday feeling total despair and anger :(

My Irish contact invited me out for breakfast or lunch in order to cheer me up, but I did not have the motivation to accept. He text earlier to say his daughter was visiting. I think it was probably cold feet as he has done this before.
If I ever got the opportunity I would never do a face time chat with anyone. I do not believe I appear my best looking in to a screen.

Happy Sunday everyone 🌧 I'm trying to decide whether to bother replying to someone whose first message is "hey WeWant" and second is "how are you today" 😐 Just don't think I can be arsed. And I match so rarely, and get messages even more rarely! What's the point anyway, we'll all be back under house arrest soon.
I'm feeling as gloomy as the weather. I always like hearing about others' successful dates though 😊

Let's all be gloomy together! Or let's try and keep us all not gloomy - big ask I know. Second lockdown is going to make dating in person next to impossible isn't it? And I too won't ever do video chatting/FaceTiming/Skype.

@Daftapath it sounds like you had a great day yesterday, how did you feel about Mr Gatwick as a potential partner? Any spark? I live near Windsor so it was Mr Gardener's journey that was buggered up by the district line. It does sound as if a few of us on here are at least in the SE, if not all that close.

@WeWantTheFinestWines the "hey", "hi", "how are you" messages make me do an eye roll too and I just ignore now. At the opposite end of the scale, I've just had a virtual essay from someone who's profile does absolutely nothing for me - I feel so bad that he's put in so much effort and that I'm probably not even going to acknowledge.

@crimsonlake I'm sorry you're feeling despair and lacking in motivation. I completely get that feeling - if ever I'm struggling I just want to lock myself away in my room. I have to force myself out - and really, sometimes the effort is just too much even though I know I will be glad once I've done it. Case in point - I'm meeting a friend today at 3, and the effort just feels overwhelming. But I know she'll be dissing I don't go, and I also know she always makes me feel calmer.

I lost a lot of weight last year and was, for most of the year, the lightest I'd ever been as an adult. I completely lost my sweet tooth for the first time in my life, and for about a year, I really enjoyed getting dressed and not angsting over how fat I looked. I've put it all back on now, plus probably a bit more (can't face the scales) and I'm so cross with myself. So I'm going to try and use next lockdown as a chance to get rid of some of it again. I'm starting to feel very negative about myself and I don't want to go there.

Mr Gardener was in touch last night to say he'd thoroughly enjoyed himself, and he's messaged today asking if I feel brave enough to speak on the phone now that we've met. So I'll give it a go!

She'll be disappointed if I don't go, not dissing! Although she could quite possibly be both!

Fiftyandmore, very promising it all now sounds :) and enjoy your meet up with your friend.
I am a few miles outside of Liverpool so in tier 3 until lockdown.
I have many craft activities that I can continue with, but sadly the motivatiion is not there.
I have a birthday card for a 102 year old to make for tomorrow and at the moment I am doing some freehand embroidery on a baby card.
I had a two hour phone call with a friend this morning, but as nice as it is it is not the same.
I am craving something sweet right now, chocolate would be good. Luckily I have remained fairly slim, but when the weight goes on it is always around the middle. Possibly if I allowed myself to eat what I wanted I would be larger.

@WeWantTheFinestWines I do still respond sometimes to a non committal 'how are you?' if they look promising but I do respond in kind with a 'I'm good thanks!'. I figure it throws the onus back on them to think if something more interesting as an opener. If I received more messages, I probably wouldn't but I can go for days without anything.

@Fiftyandmore Mr Gardener sounds a good sort if he is sensitive enough to being brave about a phone call. Excellent!
You are a bit further out of London than me then. Funnily enough though Mr Gatwick said that he would like to meet in Windsor sometime as it's so nice. I think a spark is definitely growing for each of us. We did have a conversation about being instantly attracted to someone and he said he often isn't and an attraction grows as he gets to know someone which I have found is the same for me.

Hope that you do get out to meet your friend especially as it may be trickier in the weeks to come.

I lost about 1/2 stone early in lockdown and have now also put it all back on. I would never be described as slim!

@crimsonlake I suspect that my next lockdown will be as unproductive as my last! As long as I can get the teens through unscathed to Christmas ...

I am lucky not to be alone though, I do appreciate that. Even if the teens can be testing at times. I'm hoping that ds can continue to work this time. Waiting to hear from his boss. Dd is disappointed to still be going to school!

Posted a while back but came back on here to moan - l really don’t think l can carry on with this OLD no matter how lonely l am, or how much l want to meet someone. I’ve just been blocked by a guy for sending a message saying his pictures were lovely!! Literally that’s all l said

I know I’m not stunning, or gorgeous - passable maybe - but l am just getting nowhere and it’s really getting me down.

The one guy l’ve met for a coffee after messaging for months, is only interested in friendship 😕 It’s all just so depressing.

@friendlymum67 I'm so sorry you're not having a good time. I completely understand how you feel though - sometimes it's just so depressing and soul destroying. I think it's the same for most of us in that we go through phases of feeling very despondent about it all. Whoever said you needed a thick skin to do this was spot on. A few people seem to find it easy - you hear of people who hit paydirt with their first match etc. But really for most of us I think it's just a case of keeping on. I've been tempted so many times to stop doing it but then I think that if I want to meet someone (and I think I do) what other options are there really? Please don't let one man blocking you upset you too much - he may have done it for a completely random reason like your name was the same as his ex's or something! I know that, no matter how nice they look, I avoid all men with my late dh's name, I just couldn't do that to myself.

@friendlymum67 take no heed of being blocked..ive been blocked and ummatched loads of times. This isnt about you, its about them and in OLD they do show their colours rather quickly so let them block away I say. And I can 100% guarentee you will be far more than passable.
Nothing from me. Roofer is back after being reprimanded for the love bomb. He called today and he spends a lot of time with his son which is good. I dont think we will ever meet at this rate and I think he likes conjuring a little fairytale about 'us' which is truly bizarre. He is polite, easy to talk to and very much himself which goes in his favour.
Got another cross dresser come out of the woodworks. This one wanted advice on how to contour his stong jaw. Im not a MUA so havent a clue. I havent been back to his messages. Dont have the energy.
Monitoring a potential scammer from Africa.
On whattsapp with someone who ive talked to on the phone and no weirdness. He never seems to be on whattsapp so its so slow but thats fine. Back in the day I wouldnt be calling my boyfriend from my parents phone in the hallway 5 times a day so why I expect continious comms now is beyond me.
Mr tragic became even more tragic..A close relative being v sick but all of a sudden he wanted to meet me the very next day. I declined and suggested he focused on the sick relative. He hasnt asked me any qs about myself.
Such slim pickings have driven me to open the M&S xmas shortbread box I only bought yesterday.

F

Such slim pickings have driven me to open the M&S xmas shortbread box I only bought yesterday

I have a Halloween stash that won't last long!
I have had a few messages, one from someone I think I liked accidently..oops. He seems nice but not for me.
I had a good message from a Mr T and when I responded he was so shocked as thought I was likely to be inundated. Even if it's a lie (likely) it was flattering and an ego boost.

I was texting Mr Guarded and he went very quiet over the weekend. Mr A has given me his phone number but I haven't felt too inclined to contact as he seems slow to pick up his messages so I think he might having a scatter gun approach.

I had a great catch up with a friend yesterday, a few glasses of wine discussing OLD. She has just come out of a relationship from OLD and feels wiser and happier. She is matching and chatting but not rushing to meet anyone. Quite good fun to be able to chat openly with someone and share stories.. I think if we all met it would be a great event!

@friendlymum67, hope today you are feeling better. There is definitely a low period for us all however it can change quickly. Blocking is just a way to rule out people so don't take it personally, some people respond to all messages, some don't respond and others block. Just different approaches. Sometimes you need a break from it especially if there are no new profiles.

Hi all can I join in please. I’m a year out of a 25yr relationship and just dipping my toe into online dating. God it’s so awful. Seems so shallow. Had a few catfish to start but I think I’m pretty good at spotting them now (pretty much everyone I think looks good looking😂). Had 2 phone calls where they pretty much just asked for sex!! Also loads of men young enough to be my son and what is it with the half naked profile pictures?? No dates yet.
Anyway just spoke to one guy on the phone - Mr PC. Sounds very nice a bit younger (can I ask what age ranges people set? I’ve gone 4 yrs younger and 8 older). Has 2 kids by different women, then the bombshell that one of them is only 4. Am I really wrong to say this has put me off? My 2 are grown up now and independent (although still at home). He wants to meet for a drink but I’m not sure now. He also said he’s very sensitive to noise and has to sleep in dead silence. This was like my ex. I’m quite a noisy sleeper so I know this would be an issue if anything came of it. Am I overthinking all this? What do I say to decline the drink without sounding like a shallow cow?