Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

@Greyandrare123 I do agree that has to be the best attitude to have to it all.

I have a date with Mr Gatwick tomorrow. He is taking the day off work to meet in town and we will have a walk around and maybe find some places to have a few drinks on the way - outside if we can.

As for anyone else, nothing exciting. I have one who seems quite funny and says he is a divorce lawyer but he hasn't been particularly communicative yet. Another who just messaged this evening and hasn't responded to my reply yet. Both quite local though so will see.

Two others fizzled out and were a bit mundane. Oh and the one who kept calling me bubs/babe/bae who I have let fizzle out! 

@Fiftyandmore I'm sorry that you had a bittersweet visit to your friend. I can imagine that her situation hit a raw spot. How did she meet her husband to be?

@greyandrare123 that wasn't me lol that was hotchoclately

Well I don't want to tempt fate here but I've just been chatting via whatsapp video for 2 hours to a guy I first started chatting to in June 19. Neither of us were in the right head space back then for dating, we came across each other again on Hot Or Not. He suggested meeting up so we shall see how the next few days go

Well I don't want to tempt fate here but I've just been chatting via whatsapp video for 2 hours to a guy I first started chatting to in June 19. Neither of us were in the right head space back then for dating, we came across each other again on Hot Or Not. He suggested meeting up so we shall see how the next few days go

Well I don't want to tempt fate here but I've just been chatting via whatsapp video for 2 hours to a guy I first started chatting to in June 19. Neither of us were in the right head space back then for dating, we came across each other again on Hot Or Not. He suggested meeting up so we shall see how the next few days go

Well I don't want to tempt fate here but I've just been chatting via whatsapp video for 2 hours to a guy I first started chatting to in June 19. Neither of us were in the right head space back then for dating, we came across each other again on Hot Or Not. He suggested meeting up so we shall see how the next few days go

I'm so sorry everyone, my phone told me it hadn't been successful posting

@hotchocolatey Badoo is precisely the same as Hot Or Not so I've uninstalled it. I like Hot or Not as if I wish to I can pay a days fee for extra If i wish to

Good news @moomoo1967. Head space is important and if the gears werent grinding back then, then you never know with new perspectives what will happen.
I had to remind scooter boy that his interpretion of my messages leading to asking me if I was still interested and wishing me well in a little huff, is unecessary and slightly unhinged. He has returned to his former lighthearted yet tragic self and wants to meet Sat outside.
My ex's new girfiend has become really jealous of me being in his life. We have been split up for 2 years, never gone back there but we are good friends and have a shared humour. As far as I can tell there are no lingering looks from him or any suggestions we take it further. Same my side. We message every 3 or 4 days a joke or a 'hows your day' and meet maybe once a month for a beer or lunch. His GF of 2 months has been bitterly complaining 'you reply to her messages qucker than mine' and was furious that he, me and his sister went for a walk together. He has told her that a. Im his friend and b. I have a serious incurable illness and am no threat and c. He wants me in his life. She isnt happy..Part of me wants to tell him we wont keep in touch but I like his humour and he chivvies me along. I dont know...I probably need to meet her as Im confident that once she sees me with my crutches, crooked spine, dreadful hair and pasty skin, she will not worry. But then I think why should I have to reassure her? Its a shame as he and I genuinely get on and there is no need for her to worry. Just musing.

@greyandrare123 I would say that's her problem not yours. 😀

@Greyandrare123 definitely his and her problem, not yours!! You don't need to meet her to prove anything. If she is that insecure then she has to deal with it... not you!!

All going well with my new guy. I'm feeling lots of things I'd long forgotten and generally really happy with how its all going. It just feels very right.

Greyandrare123, I was of a similar thought on Mr Roofer...why did you swipe right? He did not appear to be a catch? The fag alone would have put me off.
However if anyone is going to hit the jackpot here it surely has to be you for sheer determination.
I did however succumb to a roofer once...minus fag or tattoos, well I am always on the look out for a tradesman :) We did get as far as chatting on the phone, then I received a text telling me I was dumped as he saw I was still active on OLD.

Fiftyandmore, personnally I think you need to put a halt on meeting Terry again. Surely you are only raising his hopes by seeing him yet again?
What a lovely thoughtful thing you did for your hairdresser, I am sure she was very touched. There will be someone for you too eventually.
What I notice a lot when chatting to various people who have divorced or simply chatting about divorce. All have always partnered up with someone else. Not something I dwell on, but how do they do it, I must have been doing something very wrong all these years. Although the proof is it has not happened for all in these very threads.

I have just been messaged after something of a break from Mr Scottsman, he who owns a lovely property near a beautiful beach in the Outer Hebridies.
To be fair it was I who stopped messaging, same old story ...got a bit bored and with no possibility of meeting even though he resides in the UK due to work and is about 20 miles away it seems pointless.
I now notice he describes himself as a 'fashionista' well we definitely wont be a match :)
I spoke to Mr SA yesterday and it was nice to hear his voice. He always has my back and is always there for advice. When I moved in to my house as a house warming present he paid for all of the upstairs to be laminated . Always was very generous :)

Can I join in? Early 50s and considering OLD after a divorce and a long term relationship. Just not sure I'm cut out for it due to health issues affecting me physically. Anyone else in a similar situation? Do you post details in your bio? It's not something that's immediately apparent but it would affect a relationship. I think I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'll now always be alone, but it makes me sad.

NowIImeagain welcome to the thread. You'll find others here with similar issues. For a perspective from the opposite side - I matched with someone last year and we chatted for a bit. He then told me he's a wheelchair user after a spinal injury in his teens. I enjoyed our chat and thought there would be no harm in meeting him anyway. So I did and we ended up having the best relationship I've ever had - which he ended after a year. I still miss him.
My point is - at our first coffee date he asked if I thought he should have mentioned his situation in his profile. I said absolutely not. I would not have swiped right. I would have seen obstacles and problems, I would have feared the unknown and not even entertained the thought. But by the time we met I knew I liked him so by then it didn't matter. And it never did.
So I would say don't mention anything, let them get to know you first so you are not defined by your situation before your personality.

@WeWantTheFinestWines thank you! That's what I thought too, but also I would like to weed out the shallow-only-care-about-looks ones ..

Which sites would you all recommend? I don't want to commit to paying, only to find the site isn't suitable?

How much info do you all tend to include in your bio etc?

I just want to find someone caring who makes me laugh and doesn't repulse me! Too much to ask for?

It's all going to be difficult in this covid world anyway isn't it?

Sorry for all the questions. It seems like a minefield and very intimidating and you're all coping so well.

I used Tinder primarily, didn’t pay. Concentrated on my bio sounding like me, rather than giving lots of facts. Messages should flow from the get-go, and you should aim to meet up quickly. The rules at the start of the main OLD thread are tried and tested, and apply whatever your age. Good luck @NowImmeagain

@nowimmeagain. I am disabled and have some serious health problems. I dont mention it in my profile but I do say within a few messages. It doesnt appear to have affected things much. Ive been on some dates and the men were actually keen to help apart from one who wouldnt lesve the restaurant bec it was raining a bit.
Im on tinder, bumble and POF. The good thing about OLD is mostly the men will show their true colours quite quickly. For instance a seemingly well educated man who was v articulate suddenly announced he loved nurses uniforms. Immediate ick so I reminded him of his sexist view and the male entitlement and blocked him.
I have found on too many ocassions when talking on the phone they enter into a one sided verbal diahorrhea monologue about themselves. Ive had speaches about processed food by a chemical engineer who wasnt an engineer, conspiracy theories and today, football. I just dont engage emotionally. The ones I met were ok and the worst reaction Ive had is disappointment when seeing an iron in person. I keep it safe and dont even say where I live.
Sorry I cant link on my phone. I swiped right on the roofer as I liked his lean body. That was it! He has calmed down today it appears and has been sensible in his comms.
Thank you for the thoughts on my ex's new GF. I wont be meeting her to 'prove' im not a threat. As you say her problem not mine.
I seem to be able to get a whole load of chat off the ground but most of it fizzes out v quickly and amounts to nothing. Ive got a philosophy of attack with bluster and see what happens!
Keep us posted

Thanks @Greyandrare123. I think I just thought from having a quick peruse of some sites that a lot of the men seem very shallow and just looking for some perfect beautiful young women, regardless of their age. I'm not who I used to be and this will have a big effect on any future relationship.

I've read most of the thread,, but didn't look at the previous thread and the rules, so I'll take a look.

3 messages on Hot Or Not this morning 1. Hey 2. Wow you're sexy and the best(or worst depending on your view point) 3. Wow you're even sexier than my EX mother in law oddly enough all of them left me cold 😂😀

I had a date last night.
After ten days of texting , moving off the app, an hour long phone call, getting ready , driving on the motorway to meet him and for what? I didn't feel anything. I didn't fancy him.

It's just so disappointing. All that time, wasted.

@WildestDreamsSunset story of my dating life. My advise is to not come off the apps until such time as you have met and established that you do fancy each other! Don't over invest until you've met in person as in my experience its the path to disappointment. I can't tell you the number of times this has happened to me hence being very cynical these days!!

WildestDreamsSunset, it is best not to have any expectations when you go for a first meet up, think of it as just popping out to meet a friend. If it goes well all is good, unless you never hear from them again. Now mwntally say to yourself 'next'.

Mr Scotsman has disappeared after instigating messaging again. I really cannot be bothered with someone I am not especially interested in anyway doing this, then popping up a few days later.

I am vaguely chatting to a chef from the lakes, I say vaguely as it is another one of those.... Pretty pointless since I want to meet someone who lives close enough to meet at the drop of a hat, not a two hour journey. But that is obviously expecting too much.

@wildestdreamssunset did you video call prior to the date ?

Thanks @changeoflife When I say moving off the app -I meant we moved to texting. I'm still on the same app & a few others!

I never get invested before meeting and I told him that during our phone call.

I'm hardened to OLD now. The advice you're giving me is exactly what I say to my friends.

I do need to mentally think 'next' so thanks for the reminder @crimsonlake

It's just so time consuming.....

I don't do long distance either. I get likes from men living all over but my search radius remains at 20-25 miles max. I live next to a big city so there has to be someone, at some point, maybe? 😂