Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

Ooh @Fiftyandmore congratulations! Make sure you get a big rock to seal the deal!

Wow, @moomoo1967 that's a lot of sites! Haven't heard of half of them. How do you keep on top of them all?

Thank you Dathapath, freelancedolly and change for life - your input is helpful.
Given my childhood I’ve never really been around healthy men and friends without benefit maybe a way forward. 😀

Fiftyandmore on behalf of all the dreamers and hopers out there, I would like to congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials. I hope you and your lovely fiance will be very happy together, and I fully expect a free bar for all your mumsnet friends who stood by you when times were hard and you thought you'd never find The One!😄

@daftapath well I don't seem to be getting much interest at present so not much to keep track of. I will probably come off Badoo as that is the sister site of Hot or Not so has the same people on. Wooplus is for guys or gals who like plus size partners or I guess who are plus size.

@Daftapath and @WeWantTheFinestWines thank you for your felicitations. Naturally, all my friends on this thread will be bridesmaids. And once I've tied the knot, I will make sure that my successful musician husband (he has cd's you know) sets you all up with his equally successful friends.

@crimsonlake I did indeeed go out of meal with one of my irons. He was pleasant but I wasnt attracted to him at all. He also exhibited a deal breaker by refusing to come and find me outside because it was lightly raining. He got the 'no spark' speech as I walked back to the car.
@Fiftyanmore you are so worthy of the best. Keep building your self worth in any way you can. I get my self validation from the fact Ive lived through and live with some serious adversity. It doesnt matter to me if a man thinks I am attractive or not as I think I am attractive. Ok yes I have dips where I feel insercure but I remind myself of what I have achieved and take a moment to remember my worth.
No movements on my scene. The crutches dont seem to put men off, I thought they would so Im a little surprised at that. My serious illness also seems to have no real impact so far and I tell them quickly. So thats good.
I am hoping my ever so earnest iron will slow fade himself out. His earnesty is around his opinons of himself, his views on his life, his history and how it shapes him. Im getting the vibe he is a Colin Robinson, sucking the optimism out of the air. Ive video chatted with him and he is v handsome but there was no joy in the atmosphere. No lightheartedness. He said I would not meet his requirements usually being blonde, short hair and he usually would be evaluating the situation with my body. I was shieking yes, he will now dump me! But no, he has decided his exacting standards are too restrictive and I fall into this broader catagory. He wanted to chat on video last night but I didnt want to. Ill give him the no spark speech this evening.
I had 2 futher video chats yesterday. Both pleasant men. Seemed well mannered. One hasnt contacted me since 😁 and the other has, saying we should meet up. Video chats are definitely the way forward.
A surprising good outcome is developing with my roofer iron. Terrible pics, one with him smoking, terrible messages with one that said 'can you send me more pics' and terrible texting with poor spelling and they make little sense. But on video...lovely. Easy going, doesnt swear, optimistic, makes enquiries, non sleazy, v good relationship with his ex wife, her new partner and his son. Drinks only socially and all round so far, good egg. I would have dumped him on messages alone but Im glad I gave him an opportunity to redeem himself. We will meet up in a week or so.
I am now also talking to a mechanic who has seems sensible. I will ask for a video chat in the next day or so.

@Fiftyandmore my deepest congratulations, I’m so happy for you. Imagine being allowed to travel to your successful musician fiance so soon after never meeting! Sweet dreams are made of this 🥰

Oh my @Fiftyandmore how lucky are you to find someone so generous to invite you to travel to them so early on?! And a marriage proposal to boot. Your luck knows no bounds

@Greyandrare123 I love your positive outlook and the fact you are approaching old with such a brilliant attitude. You are indeed the prize and any man would be lucky to have you!

I had a date last night with my, not sure what to call him at this stage? It was lovely. Just lovely

@Greyandrare123 - who is Colin Robinson? He doesn't sound much fun, but I think that applies to Colins in general. I am intrigued by your roofer - why did you even swipe right on this man? On paper he doesn't sound great, and you had no way of knowing he would turn out to be lovely on video. Maybe we're all missing some good 'uns - I know my obsession with people being able to string a sentence together and know where apostrophes go is possibly depriving me of some good luurving...

@changeoflife. Such good news about a date being lovely. Any future ones lined up?
@wewantthefinestwines. I could see he had a nice face, was tall and looked quite fit in his profile despite the smoking. He then accidently videocalled me thinking he was voice calling from a roof so we were forced to see each other. He video calls or voice calls me every day now. He is polite, chats away, has a laugh and asks about what ive been doing. He doesnt make grand proclamations about himself only to say he was a prefect in school and has a city and guilds certificate. He just seems so far, mentally positive.
Colin Robinson is an energy vampire from the programme We Live In The Shadows. He sucks all optimism and energy out of the air. We all know a Colin!

@Fiftyandmore congrats! I am so looking forward to my bridesmaid duties but first we need a hen night that lasts longer than the marriage. Do you think he wants to sell us all his CD? He might then get enough money together to buy an old Peugeot 106.

Fiftandmore, sorry he is a bigamist as he asked me months ago, I agreed and we married :) It could be the same man?
Greyandrare, sorry yes I remember now you mentioned you had been for a meal....I get confused as you have so many irons in the fire.

@greyandrare your roofer sounds awesome!

Greyandrare I admire your attitude!

I just found a new man to message so I'll see how that goes (I average about one man a week that's worth a message). I initiated it so not sure if he'll reply.

Wow I have finally caught up with all the posts. 😀

Morning everyone
So I have been chatting to a guy since last Saturday, I hate chatting on the dating apps, not quite sure why. Although one good reason is that the scammers don't usually like to chat via whatsapp, they prefer you to chat via Kik or Hangout in my experience. So converting to whatsapp quite soon to me tends to work better. If I don't like them then I just block and delete. So we converted to whatsapp yesterday, we haven't had chance to chat on the phone yet due to his and mine working hours this week but plan to this weekend. His last date was disastrous in that she used filters so when she turned up he didn't recognise her We have tentatively arranged to meet next weekend, either Saturday or Sunday but want to see how we get on chatting on the phone first. I don't have high expectations but I want to get a first date out of the way even if nothing comes of it, as I haven't been on a date since August 19. He lives a 45 minute train journey away but on a first date I prefer not for it to be on my home territory, so we shall see what this weekend brings and if we like the sound of each other

Morning

A guy I had been chatting to over the summer got in touch again. The texts fizzled out previously because he didn't seem to want to meet up. Again he's suggesting we meet up but no plans are set up. The texts are a bit over familiar as well, nothing very rude though.

Then someone who had been messaging me on Facebook got in touch. I'm afraid I have ignored some of his recent messages as he's been using heart emojis and I'm not interested. I think I'll get in touch and wish him all the best.

Oh and just to update about Tinder.... My subscription is coming to an end and I won't be renewing it. I didn't have a single date from it. I found the chats hard work as I had to ask lots of questions due to lack of information on profiles.

It's all down to luck I guess.

I just use the free Tinder - hotchocolatey. You just don’t get likes I think but random matches on men I’ve never swiped on!!!

@Whydidimarryhim I got loads of likes and got curious so I paid the subscription for a month lol.

Hello all. Good to see updates and even better to see some successes.

@crimsonlake I am absolutely gutted that my soon-to-be musician dh is already married to you. Are you willing to share? If not, I could probably make do with the man who sends me messages at roughly 3am most mornings, urging me to wake up and feel the warmth of the sun slapping my face, and calling me his queen and his love .

I'm feeling sad tonight :(. I've been going to the same woman to get my eyebrows threaded for about 5 years now. Her dh died the same year as my dh, and she is getting remarried on 8 November. So this morning, when I went to see her, I took along just a little token gift. When I gave it to her, I completely unexpectedly got emotional and so did she. I feel like I'll never have that feeling of having someone totally on my side again :(.

Anyway - in dating news (not that there's much of it), I was supposed to be meeting someone (who is a presenter) on Saturday but I've just messaged to say I can't now do it since London has moved to tier 2. So don't know what will happen there.

I'm still getting quite a few likes on Tinder (and I probably will renew when my month is up otherwise I'll have no options) but, in the main, messages have dried up almost completely. Few exchanges going on with one man but it's all very mundane.

I've somehow agreed to meet DD's friend's dad (I'll call him G from now on - "DD's friend's dad" is a pain to keep writing!) for a fourth time. He's just incredibly nice and I wish I could fancy him. But I don't - every time I look at him all I see is Terry from Terry and June!

@Fiftyanmore I hope you got some confort from your shared emotions with the lady who is getting married. I am so sorry you are having to deal with these internet dullards too. Yes Im afraid Terry from Terry and June wouldnt float my boat either.And once that comparison is made, there is no going back.
Im back down to zero again. I got some minor lift off there for a short time but it wasnt going to last.
The Earnest one: I didnt want to speak to him on the phone again as his voice annoyed me and he literally had no sense of humour. So we were messaging, rather he was lecturing me on the way in which we are spied on. I disputed many of his claims and he got into a huff and I havent heard from him since, thank god. He also had said he was changing careers as if it was a decision he made but it transpires he was leaving his job after a row with his manager and was in between jobs and hadnt started the training for his new chosen career..So yet again an element of instability. So pleased he has gone.
The roofer started some mild love bombing and yet doesnt ever arrange to meet so he has been spoken to and told to calm down. He is a terrible at messaging as they make no sense..He then told me he wasnt in the mood to speak today but I think thats more to do with him being not in work due to weather than me. Thing is on video he is v pleassant if not thrilling on humour and conversation. In any other form of comms he is terrible. Ill see how he goes over the next few days but if he doesnt arrange a walk by Fri, Im off.
Then I had a 30min message saga with a scammer. Lives in the US and UK but works in Russia 🤔. Says he was an engineer but is retiring in 5 months to open a football academy in the UK and a real estate business in the US. It was quite imaginative. Blocked. He didnt call me dear but we were getting near to it.
Then I had a man message me who said he understood if I didnt go with his festish of wearing womens underwear. I said gender stereotypical clothing should be a thing of the past but at aged 51 I am shouldering my own assumptions based on stereotypying ive grown up with. He thanked me for my reply and said he had received a lot of horrible abuse from women. He wanted to chat further but I am not an agony aunt for cross dressing men as I dont have the time.
So my slim pickings as the moment are

• Man who is a buyer for a private health company.
• A man who works in manufacturing but is devoid of wit.
• A man from The Midlands who seems to have a lot of tragedy in his life but seems ok.

I get v few questions asked of me on the internet. The scammer asked the most!

@Greyandrare123 you are really inspirational. You may not have met The One yet but you have so many conversations on the go and so much interest! I admire your energy and your enthusiasm. I veer between thinking I can't be bothered to thinking I've got to be bothered or I'll never meet anyone to thinking I don't want to meet anyone to thinking I don't want to be alone - and round and round I go!

@hotchocolatey you're not giving up on us are you?! Please don't - we're all in this together, to quote a currently much-used phrase!

@Fiftyandmore No, I haven't given up completely. I dip in and out of POF so I will unhide my profile soon.

You sound lovely and have a good sense of humour. I hope you meet the right one soon.

I was watching a video on Instagram the other day. A relationship coach was saying that it seems that when we really want something we often don't get it.

It got me thinking about relationships and how a few men got in touch last year when I wasn't looking. Also I met the last person I dated when I was on a dating site but wasn't particularly bothered about meeting someone. It was more a case of needing to move on from someone who wasn't that into me and see what was out there.

@moomoo1967 - how did you find Badoo? I was on there a few years ago. Someone sent me a pic of his "nether regions". I'm no expert in STIs but it didn't look good

@moomoo1967 good god. Why would you even send a pic of a penis yet alone one covered in a crust. Just awful.
@Fiftyandmore. To be honest I see it all as entertainment to keep my mind of my illness. The men are so flaky and unreliable themselves. My latest tragedy has just messaged to say his scooter broke down on the way home from work. Many men seem to live mildly chaotic lives living in the middle of instability. After 2 days of no contact my non wit iron just messaged me to tell me I can message him when I want to! What?
Ive never been called an inspiration before so thank you from the bottom of my heart .