Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

Thanks everyone but honestly, I do think that for me it was a positive experience, I know that sounds strange but there it is.

Yes, watch out for all those signs PP identified. Especially not knowing anything about where he said he lived in the UK. I’ve caught a couple more on that test 😂

Scary how often you hear these catfish stories. I knew someone who was a friend of a friend and she was scammed out of a lot of money. I always think it will never be me but you really just never know and they can obviously be very convincing almost professional at it.

I'm new to the thread but it's all sounding very familiar!

I'm 51 and have the much, much younger men messaging, have gone on dates with excruciatingly tight men (if I've done a 3 hours round trip to meet you, you can stand me a £10 lunch and try and be pleasant), and also a man who was about 5 inches smaller than he'd stated. Add to that the catfishers and married men who I did not meet up with.

I manage about 1 date about every 6 months as there are so few viable candidates. I've got brutal about blocking them after about 3 messages if they are not capable of asking me any questions - I'm not there to interview them.

I'm on POF - used to be on Match but it's expensive and no better than POF. Was considering Bumble but this thread has made me reconsider. Might give Tinder a go though.

Hi @VamosAhora . I can relate to your experience!

I'm on Tinder and I find there is often not much information on profiles such as location, height etc so I have to ask lots of questions with a match.

POF profiles have more information on them but I get more "seedy" messages on there. I've blocked quite a few.

It's all down to luck I reckon.

That lack of info on Tinder does put me off. I've not had much in the way of seedy messages on POF... a few foot fetishist ones, presumably because I have sandals on in one pic.

These cat fishing stories are terrible! Good that you've taken away positives from it @TiggerDatter.

@VamosAhora so many men do the not asking questions thing don't they? I too have just stopped replying now. One man in the week messaged saying "not talking?" after I didn't answer the latest of his messages which evinced no interest in me whatsoever.

Definitely agree with you @hotchocolatey about it being down to luck and being on the right site at the right time.

I know, I always make it easy for them to show interest - give them info about me to comment on, ask them questions about themselves. I'm on a second message with someone at the moment and I'm almost morbidly interested as to whether his reply will be all about himself.

I don't spend loads of time on it - 30 mins max a week of a brief trawl through and maybe answer a message. It's the only way I can stand to be on there! I'm an optimist though and like to leave the door ajar by being on there. Interesting to see you all going through the same process, thanks for starting the thread fiftyandmore.

VarnosAhora, to be honest I do not think many men read through profiles. The majority of messages I receive are along the lines of hi, how you doing, wanna chat, he gorgeous and I think these will resonate with a lot of us.
Yes some men go the extra mile, but that is rare...then you get in to the copy and paste messages which are easy to recognise.
I like you am a brief trawler and my profile sits on the shelf like stale bread. You never know one of these days someone who inspires my interest may come along.
GreyandRare123, did you go out for that meal with one of your many admirers?

Crimsonlake, yes when I read through the thread your approach seemed very similar to mine.

I'm fast approaching your style of OLD @crimsonlake and @VamosAhora. It's just so disheartening. But then, if you want to meet someone (and I think I do) what alternative is there? I don't have the sort of lifestyle where I meet new people so finding someone in rl doesn't seem particularly likely.

Yes, same, I meet very few (ie none) eligible men in real life. Most of my hobbies are solitary or seem to attract mainly women. I'm generally ok with being single but would be open to some excitement and a relationship. There is enough hope on POF that I keep going on it, though am not invested in it because you do need a thick skin to really spend loads of time on it.

Oh - and I'm in London should a meet-up ever be possible. More friends would be great as well as a relationship!

Afternoon everyone, I posted before my first date which was last weekend - it all went well and we've seen each other a couple more times this week. I am now at my very typical point where I get very angsty I've been far too open (am a bloody open book ) and then end up feeling really vulnerable. Is there REALLY any need for me to share the anecdotes from my past which make me come across like a total loon FFS?

Reading everyone's stories resonates a lot - I really do feel like there are thousands of 'swipe lefts' for every reasonable looking 'swipe right' where I'm based, and i quickly get to the point where I seem to have swiped through everyone in the area and despite having a distance limit of say 20 miles get the nutters from the 'global' setting who are based 2000 miles away. Then once I've reached that level of silt in the barrel I just get 5-10 'new' profiles each day to go through. It's very boring.

We have just had the convo about deleting Tinder and whether we are still 'shopping around' - having both declared not. Who know though - the last predator person I dated from Tinder declared he had deleted the app before we even met, which I later realised was the thing he did after having arranged to meet someone so that he could unmatch them and carry on Tindering without being found out.

I think we have to carry on having some optimism though. Whatever happens, I have hit it off well with this guy and there is potential for something to develop. If that happens, even if it comes to an end, I'm hoping it leaves a slightly more positive taste in my mouth than the previous bloke!

I think excitement is a big part of what I'm looking for. My life for the past 25 years or so has been about caring for my now late dh (and I don't begrudge a single second of that time) or bringing up dc. The relationship I had after dh died showed me that I still can feel excitement and desire (and have someone feel that way about me too) so I'm not quite ready to give up yet. I'm not much enjoying the search though!

My thoughts are that it is very slim pickings indeed. It’s often a numbers game to men. Throw enough “Hi babe” messages around and hopefully one will stick. They would rather put a one minute effort into contacting 20 women than put 20 mins effort into messaging one.

I gave it all up. Very disappointing experience.

Excellent news @freelancedolly. It doesn't sound as if sharing things from your past has deterred him at all. I do understand the angst though - fingers crossed for you. Slightly too early to be deleting the apps perhaps?

Freelancedolly - your situation sounds promising. I'm with you on the oversharing, i have to try and hard not to do that, it's mainly nerves.

Fiftyandmore - yes to the excitement and desire! A much younger friend suggested to me that it's nice for people my age to find companionship. I didn't ick him out by enlightening him that it's not all about the companionship!

Agree on it seeming early to delete apps.

Hah! Just been liked by someone who's 5,111 miles away! Like that'll work!

Yes! It’s all about the excitement and the sex for me. I reckon I’ve had sex more times with my lover in 20 months than i had in 30 years with my XH. Men are much better at it when they’re older (less selfish) and no risk of pregnancy 🥳🥳🥳

Fiftyandmore, this is another example of men not reading your profile.
I have had many messages from as far as America, utterly pointless. One wanted to get to know me a bit better before getting on a plane, I think this one worked in Alaska ! Shame really as I did have a little flicker of a spark for him.

The messaging is grim isn't it? I honestly wonder how any of these men expect to meet someone when they show absolutely zero interest in you or your life. I get so fed up with asking lots of questions and then elicit not one question in return. Whats the actual point in joining a dating site if you are going to make no effort whatsoever?!!

As for the photos... why do overweight 50+ men think that naked torso shots are going to get them a match? Or ones in their bedroom where they haven't even bothered to make their bed behind them? Surely they can go to a bit more effort than that? For me, its all about the effort. Even on Tinder if they haven't put at least a few words on their profile then its an immediate swipe left for me.

I know @crimsonlake - it's so frustrating!

I've got to the point now where if a man I quite like the look of messages me and I reply - I fully expect it to go nowhere. This is because I don't feel good enough :(. Which I know is absolutely the wrong attitude but I've always had these sorts of issues. One man has just messaged - he's a body double and looks interesting and lovely. I've messaged back but I've already convinced myself it'll go nowhere and I'm not good enough!

What is it with me and men messaging "hello dear"?! Do you folks get that? Feels like my grandad is talking to me. And speaking of granddads have just had a message from a 76 year old. I'm sure he's a lovely man but ...

'Hello dear' screams scammer to me, as do widowers, men on oil rigs and those whose pics are way too good to be true. I've reverse searched a couple of 'too good to be trues' and one was pictures commonly used by scammers, and one was from a gay profile (i guess they think if they use those pics women won't recognise them).

Fiftyandmore go in positive, I'm sure you are more than good enough!