Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

Hi @GleamingHeels, welcome. I'm very sorry for your loss. How lovely to have had so many happy years.

On some of the sites you can select friendship rather than dating. Certainly you can on Bumble but I haven't tried that. Would be interesting to hear your experience of it if you do try.

Hello @GleamingHeels, lovely to have you with us. I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm widowed too so I know a little of how you're feeling. You're in early days after your loss - I know everyone processes grief differently but when I look back to my first 18 months after losing dh (it'll be 4 years in February) I don't remember much at all. And I actually found the 2nd year harder because grief had numbed me through the 1st year.

You sound as if you're doing really well - you sound positive and forward looking. But I think only you will know if OLD is right for you now. I was lucky enough to be happily married which, in a strange way, makes OLD harder because I don't know if I'll ever find that happiness again. Sometimes the whole dating thing just emphasises what I've lost. I haven't explained that very well. Also, you may still be vulnerable (and if you are, you may not necessarily realise it) so you may take any negative experiences of OLD too much to heart.

But anyway, whether or not you do go for it right now, it's great to have you on the thread :)

@Daftapath because he works with me and told me

@GleamingHeels I am so sorry for your loss. I am hoping this thread will provide some comfort and support for you. Would I recommend OLD? Yes and no. Yes if you have a rhino skin and no if you dont but you may strike lucky and many people do. As you will see from the thread you will be faced with an extrodinary amount of strangeness and sadly I have a feeling that even if you have faced major loss, these men wont hold back on their nonsence either. You would need to be able to literally not invest in this person whom you are messaging every single step of the way. If you feel you can do that, go for it. If not, hold back. Having said that huge amounts of people have met the love of their life internet dating too.

Fiftyandmore
Sorry ! Didn't see the reply from you asking which site I was successful on - it was Match - it's costly but worth it I think, tend to get people more invested in finding someone if they have paid more.

Hello to the newbies 😊

I've been chatting to someone from a different city and it's not possible to meet at the moment. Unless I can find someone who lives close by to have a walk with I am limited when it comes to meeting up.

Give me strength!! I've been chatting to an iron for two or three days, but only very brief messages. Moved on to WhatsApp this evening and he started telling me exactly what he needs, how relationships should work, and provided me with a numbered list, which includes the requirement for "devotional commitment with a readiness to make sacrifices". That was number 6.

When I suggested that this is quite intense and maybe we should just get to know each other first, he tells me that he doesn't smoke but doesn't judge people who do. I told him I was a bit confused by that turn in the conversation, and he then got annoyed, said that he was telling me about himself and I was stressing him out and he'd had a long day at work and he was going to bed.

So, bit of a knob. We're meant to be speaking tomorrow but I'm pretty sure I'll call that off as he's just too weird. Unless curiosity wins out and I chat just to see what he'll say...

@WeWantTheFinestWines Oh dear that is run a mile territory. With such prescriptiveness, I’m surprised there weren’t signs in his profile ...

@WeWantTheFinestWines The thing is he'll think it's all perfectly reasonable. He'll probably want to tell you about his ex as well. I spoke to a guy on the phone recently who was very strange and particular about things and he told me his last relationship had ended because his ex didn't have a positive attitude to life. I did wonder if being with him and having to pander to him had drained the positivity out of her!

His profile was all about distance not mattering, no barriers to love and that sort of bla. That should have been my first warning. But he was tall, handsome, interesting job and from a neighbouring country to my home country so I felt compelled to contact him.

And he is certainly deluded and thinks his behaviour is just fine. Sent me a message that I was the first thing he thought of when he woke up. He knows nothing about me, only wants to preach about his weird rules and just ignores my messages about how he's way too intense for this early in a matching scenario.

So I am going to tell him to sling his hook and take his weird and inappropriate intensity somewhere else.

So I am going to tell him to sling his hook and take his weird and inappropriate intensity somewhere else

Love this! Haven't heard sling his hook for such a long time...much under used phrase I think 😃

Anyone fancy an roll call on dates over the next week?
I have one tomorrow, a widower, spoke to him once and message lots. I am trying not to get too hopeful. His pictures are not that good and he wouldn't be my type but he hasn't put a foot wrong in any messages (no list of requirements!) and we have loads in common. We have agreed it's just coffee and a chance to say hello face to face. I am trying to prepare myself for disappointment though.
I quite enjoy the pre date planning but always get pre date regrets..when I think "what the heck am I doing".

It's funny how men who seem weird to me manage to have relationships. Quite a few years ago I was chatting to a guy online. We moved on to Whatsapp and he tried it on with the sexy chat. He got annoyed and a bit insulting and weird when I wouldn't join in.

I had a little nosey on Facebook (can't help it lol) and he's in a relationship now. Maybe they just try it on with me lol.

@Fiftyandmore don't you have to pay to see Superlikes on Tinder

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Hahahaha Oh Lord the fun I'd have adding my own numbered list to that

@techway heres hoping your date is better than you expect. You never know.
Asking someone to take their weird intensity elsewhere is spot on. I sometimes wonder how these men conduct themselves through life with their inappropriateness.
Ok roll call. Here is my lot.

1. Seemingly safe secure and decent man with whom i have a date with tomorrow. Not very witty so i will expect the liason to be dry. Has done well for himself and hope he doesnt try to dominate
2. Carpenter who likes to live chat. He asked for more pics and I assumed he is a sleaze but has been ok since. Has zero knowledge if geography or where places are. Doesnt have much to say for himself.
3. Mr Swoon has regurgitated himself. No plans but was wanting to come to my house. I declined.
4. The strange man from last week hasnt been in touch until today when i was berated for not being interested.
5. An electrician living in london. Seems ok but I suspect attached as he cant talk on the phone because hia friend lives with him. Will require further investigation.
6. Had a video date last night. Quite odd. He says he is a senior manager in an emergency service but couldnt tell me much about his job and spoke with zero management speak yet claiming to have been in the job for 22 years. I was expecting at least some mild managerial like charm but zero. I asked what his background is and he was really vague about it and given he is quite senior I would have thought he could tell me more. Plus a quick check of his first name and the service he works for reveals nothing. He could be telling the thruth but i dunno. .he writes very eloquently which is in contrast to his verbal skills. I didnt really fancy him either but some of that was i was suspicious he was telling fibs.

Thats my lot. Very luke warm if that.

@Greyandrare123, 1& 2 maybe more positive. Why did he ask for more photos?
Forgot to mention, my penpal reappeared. He said he would like to meet (progress) and stay in contact but then he just chats. Bewildering really...but he is nice, very inoffensive but perhaps needs friends.

I met my husband on Match .. we got married in February and met when I was 49. .. best advice I can give is persevere. I didn't meet anyone horrible or anyone who didn't look like their picture ... but I kissed a fair few frogs 🐸!! .. also meet them sooner rather than later .. don't get sucked into endless messaging that goes nowhere and is a waste of your time. Good luck 😊

@Alicatz66 thanks for telling us your story. 👍🏻 It's nice to hear that OLD works out for some people. I must admit there have been times lately when I have felt like giving up but I try to maintain a positive attitude and keep going.

@WeWantTheFinestWines he sounds like one to swerve as widely as possible!

@hotchocolatey I wonder that about loads of people - how on Earth have they found people to put up with their weirdness/issues.

@Techway that sounds potentially promising. Good luck for tomorrow. I have a second date for tomorrow night but I really don't want to go. I may cancel. DD's friend's dad has asked if I'd like to go out on Sunday - I'm torn about this one as he's such a lovely man I'd like to have him as a friend, but he wants more than friendship I fear.

And I have a date set up for next weekend but I haven't heard from him since we arranged the date - typical as I like this one!

Oh I'm sorry - I wrote my reply ages ago at work and didn't send. We've moved on now - just off to catch up!

For those that have dates this weekend I hope they go well.

I don't seem to have much choice or interest from men in my town and because of Covid regulations unnecessary travel isn't permitted. A quiet weekend for me.

@feelingfree with regards to your question, what do you do if you receive a message and you aren't interested. When I first joined OLD last year after my 12 year relationship finished, I would reply "thank you but no, I wish you well" or similar but then after one particularly RUDE reply back I just block them now. The guy in question, replied with "well I didn't really want to chat anyway, as you are fat and ugly" when I went to reply with "well you didn't think that originally " he had blocked me. Then I got to thinking what would have happened had I gone on a 1st date with him, and had he asked to see me again and I said no, how would he have reacted. Chilled me thinking he would be so aggressive in person with someone. I did report him but heard nothing back from POF

Moomoo1967, I think if someone writes you a decent first message and has obviously put some thought in to it, my tendency is to repond with a polite excuse.
No effort = no reply.

Just stumbled across this thread so I hope you don't mind me joining and adding my 2 pennies worth!

I am a 50 year old single parent to 2 children, a teenager and one primary aged. I have been divorced for 8 years now and have been on and off online dating for about 6 years. I say on and off because I literally do dip in and out of it and go through periods of being determined to meet someone followed by being so disillusioned with the whole thing that I give up again. Sometimes for years at a time!

At the start of this year I was determined to try and stick with it and try to meet someone. The kids are getting older so it becomes a bit easier to date. I met someone early on. No initial spark but he was nice, pleasant and good company. Lockdown hit and it soon fizzled out. I went back on the dating sites in June and have spent the last few months literally wading through the absolute dross that is over 50 online dating. Honestly awful. I started chatting with a nice guy in September who very clearly stated on his profile that he was looking for friends only as he was only recently single. Normally I would steer well clear. I have enough friends that I don't have time to see as it is but I was so fed up that I matched with him and decided to just chat as friends. We got on well but I was still dating looking for a relationship. After about a month of chatting we decided to arrange to meet. I honestly was not expecting anything other than a nice evening out with someone I got on well with. I couldn't have been more wrong. The chemistry was instant and fast forward a month or so and I really can't get enough of him. He feels the same. We are both completely smitten and although there are plenty of life obstacles we are determined to make time to see each other whenever we can. Its amazing and makes me so glad that I didn't choose to settle over the years. The connection we have is wonderful and very real and really is what I've been searching for over the years.

So my advise is, go into every situation with an open mind as you really do never know what is around the corner. I had honestly given up on meeting anyone and just thought this guy would make a nice friend to chat with and maybe occasionally meet to have coffee or dinner!

Changeoflife, welcome and that is a interesting story with a seemingly hapy ending, I hope it works out for you.
I can identify with being on OLD for what seems to be forever, dipping in and out then suddenly deciding to be proactive and determined for all of 10 minutes.
I need to complete my Mr SA story, but cannot remember how far along I have gotten with it.
So....I should have known better since the last time he flew to SA with BA he was banned from flying with them...for an altercation with cabin crew.
I may have mentioned he enjoyed a drink and continued to drink red wine all through our 12 hour flight.
During this time I must have drunk 3 small bottles myself. I was in holiday mode, never having flown so far before and at times enjoyed chatting to a young man sitting next to me.
As we were coming in to land obviously drinks were discontinued but Mr SA was not about to give up....
I suggested that he had had enough and then went on to suffer a tirade of abuse until we landed.
I cannot remember what was said or who must have overheard. I was reduced to tears all the way as we came in to land and the young man next to me threw up. Quite possibly in fear.
All I could think about as we were decending is that I wanted to go straight home but of course it is not that easy.
He was his normal self upon landing and we spent the night in a hotel with the plan being to fly on to Cape Town to stay with his friends the next day.
I cannot recall if I broke it off with him at the airport or in the hotel??
We chatted the next morning and we agreed to make the best of the holiday together although he understood we were finished.
We did in fact spend a wonderful 2 weeks together visiting family and friends, with no one any the wiser.
It was a holiday of a life time in more ways than one.