Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

@WildestDreamsSunset I had a bad date last year with a guy from Bumble. I wasted money on that site.

I'm sorry that happened @WildestDreamsSunset. I didn't realise they could ring you through the site. I hope you're ok - you shouldn't be the one feeling unclean, he should.

@Greyandrare123 you are going great guns! Two dates in one day - hats off to you. I'm in awe of your energy, and of the number of men you get to actually go on a date from.

I'm just back from my day with the man who lives ages away from me. I definitely didn't fancy him but I can't decide if I even liked him or not! He was very loud and a bit of a know it all which was ok until he stopped to admire someone's dog and then proceeded to tell them that if it was his dog he'd have had the tail docked and the dog wasn't thin enough . But then he was very kind to me - insisted on paying for lunch, bought me a small gift, was very complimentary. I guess it doesn't really matter what I thought since we live so far apart and are unlikely to meet again (although he did say several times that he'd make the effort).

I know I'm repeating myself but I'm despairing of ever finding someone where there is a physical connection.

Anyone else been on dates today?

Hated Bumble. It allows dick pics and phone calls, and also lets them see where you are, very precisely. Tinder does none of these. Plus, so many men on Bumble just get a kick out of women messaging them first. They have no intention of dating.

on a date with* that should read, not "on a date from"!

@hotchocolatey yes, I've paid for membership too.
@TiggerDatter I agree. They get a kick out of women messaging first & then ignoring us or they are bored & just want to text endlessly. I'm on Tinder too
Today a guy on there kept calling me 'hun' till I told him it made me cringe & he unmatched me! 😂🤣 I was going to unmatch him so it did me a favour.
Oh I'm having a day of it today !

@WildestDreamsSunset My married friends love to hear my dating stories and at least we got a laugh out of it as it was bizarre.

I'm now chatting to someone on Tinder who seems promising but you never know when the chat will end.

@hotchocolatey oh the stories I tell! Yes it's definitely entertaining!

I've got a few chats going on & have moved to WhatsApp with one man. Next step should be a phone call but we'll see if we get that far!

It's frustrating when a promising chat fizzles out isn't it? There aren't many of them in the first place!

I am in awe of anyone actually turning out for a date at the moment and in awe that you are succeeding in achieving them.
Fiftyandmore, todays date...did you actually think from his photos that you may possibly fancy him, was he ever a possibility?

Still nada, zilch for me, yes I am getting messages, but it is either the photo or the username that causes me to delete without opening.

I would be interested to know how much time and effort those of you who are actually making it to a date are spending on OLD daily?
I know in the early days I was like a child in a sweetshop, currently I only briefly check for messages.

Hi, I’ve been following this thread for a while and I’m almost ready to jump in! I’m recently out of a 5 year relationship so I’m not really looking for anything serious straightaway but what sites do people recommend? I met my Ex-BF on Match last time. Thanks!

@crimsonlake I'm always intrigued as to how different the experience is for people - where I am (SE coast, small town) whenever I download Tinder I quite quickly seem to get to the 'bottom of the barrel' and then each day a few new people popping up. I really can't spend much time on OLD - I get SO bored, very quickly, and unmatch people quite quickly if the chat isn't good.

I had my date today - although actually he messaged yesterday to suggest we have a quick drink last night as we were both quite nervy about today ( in retrospect I'm not sure I understand our logic with this) - but it was good as I said I'd pop over for an hour to meet in a really nice bar, and kept to my word - so we had a brief meeting last night, followed by meeting for brunch this morning and a long walk. He was really nice and turned up this morning with a cute little bunch of flowers - not used to that sort of thing! He seems keen and I liked him a lot, lots of talk of meeting again... but I'm annoyed that already I feel a bit angsty about it.

My last Tinder 'fling' started similarly - all seemed too good to be true, and then it was... I really am determined to keep a bit more detached this time!

Hello!
Sorry Im on my phone so I cant link names that well. The date suggesting the dog has a docked tail would put me right off. Id be constantly wondering why he would think that. It would be a dealbreaker in that dogs are not trophies. Its confusing as you found him otherwise kind.
Well as the direness of OLD shows, I have gone from the leader of the pack to....zero!!
Mr Attractive from yesterdays date got a bit weird. He is certainly articulate in his words upon meeting yet after declaring I was in his eyes 'beautiful' he then was only able to answer messages with one word answers and called me hun and babe. He then proceeded to ask me what I wanted but of course implied through words such as 'lovemaking' that he wants sex. Ok I thought, I could go there as Ive no issues with a FB but then I threw the complete spanner in the works when I said I had an elderly relative living with me for 3 months. I had suspected he wasnt entirely truthful about his singledom when I saw his v large estate car. His response was 'ok I respect that and can wait a few months'. I havent deleted him yet but expect I will tomorrow.
Mr Swoon has been quiet today. Nothing from him.
Ive a date lined up for Sat eve and he is driving 1.5 hours to me despite me offering to meet him half way. One sniff of a hint asking to stay over and he is out.
So there you go. Hero to zero 😁😁

Greyandrare123, your post cheered me up for some reason...I am suffering from lockdown blues not lack of a man.
You did have a meal arranged with someone, was that Mr Swoon and did it happen.
Good luck with the next one.
When things do not go the way you want, I simply say ...next. Problem these days there is no suitable next.
I must continue my tale about Mr SA when I have the energy.
Happy hunting all.

Hi @Colourmylife1, welcome. We all seem to be on different and various sites. There seems to be a mix of dire on them all!

@Greyandrare123 well, it doesn't take them longer to mention sex if that is what they are after. Why don't they just say that in their profiles? It would probably mean that they wasted less time! I have had two similar ones this weekend. The first started with 'hi sexy, tell me about yourself babe'. He deleted me when I asked whether he called everyone babe or only his special friends . The next one said that he didn't know about me but he was finding everything a bit stressful at the moment and needed a cuddle . His photos were clearly photoshopped so I was just amusing myself by replying. Mr Gatwick has been messaging a bit still though I don't know how these new restrictions will affect things

@crimsonlake Im happy to provide some cheer to your day with my stories of direness.
I have a meal lined up for Sat. I fear he may be from the cuddling brigade and should 'coming back to yours for cuddling' be mentioned, ill lose my spanner.
@daftapath oh the 'hello sexy, babe and hun' are irritating.
Even Mr Swoon, I fear is dodgy but havent yet put my finger on why. A search of his number on google revealed a link to one of those mobile phone repair shops which is fine. But he has told me he is an IT consultant putting in the network for a major shopping centre. When he arrived last week he was beautifully but v casually dressed and his car is a bit of a banger like mine. I wonder if I turned up at the major shopping centre he claims to work in whether Id find him behind the screen repair stall and with his wife and child nearby.....I dont have the energy to do that so will reduce contact to the lowest level and see what happens.
I dedicate no more than 1 hour per day to swiping etc.
I do have my fair share of easily offended and sensitive men.
Last night one who I told I didnt want dick pics sent me 2 of himself swimming naked, one was heavily edited so it actually only showed his head sitting on top of a completely blurred out body. When I asked what was he expecting me to respond to his pics, I was blocked.

@Daftapath Thanks for replying. From a brief trawl many of the same men seem to be on several sites in any case. There are even a few faces I recognise from 5 years ago - they haven’t even updated their photos!

I am not feeling inspired at all and maybe it’s too soon for me so I may just carry on following everyone’s exploits on here until I feel ready.

@Colourmylife1 I wonder whether the ones with the same photos as 5 years ago are scammers? There was definitely a new crop of them this weekend as I suddenly had a flurry of new men on my beeline. Well, I say new but I have only just started looking since the summer. Probably all the same man/group scamming.

Old is definitely not something to do if you are naive or not streetwise that's for sure!

This is horrible and elitist and crappy but I think a good majority of men on there are:
Married
Con men
Have lots of baggage like 3 ex wives and 5 kids
Are way under employed and under educated so meaningful conversation probably out of the question
May say video games are a passion which I could not tolerate at my age.

I had one near success that was going to result in a meeting (he was 55) when he randomly said “family is everything to me my Son is the best think to happen to me” and I said “is he at uni?” Oh no he’s 13 months. I got a late start and I would like to try for another so he had a sibling.

No light at these tunnels

@Gothamgirl1970 wow. I found 'my kids are my world' brigade are also the ones to harbour bittnerness about their ex's. Yes to scammers and the under employed. I have yet to message someone with a halfway decent job that has required some training. There also seems to be a hell of a lot of men on either Tinder or Bumble who work in the film industry. The freelance film industry! Ive a solid job that I have been trained to do but it seems wanting the equivalent is impossible.

Second that. My kids are my world = i hate my x

I’m not anti kid. I’m anti a 55 year old man with a 1 year old who wants another one

Great reading all your posts - it’s dire for me too.
Had a potential meet up and a potential FWB but I backed out. I politely told them it wasn’t for me.
I put my distance at 15 kilometres and then “matched” with men I certainly haven’t swiped on who live 50 kilometres away - Tinder does match me with lots and lots of men I haven’t swiped on.
Do either of these things happen to anyone else?
Then we have the Tinder Surge!!! I wake up with matches and I’ve not swiped.
I’m nervous I think really - I’ve not dated in years - well about 15.
I don’t think I’ve had one genuine match either - the ones I’m interested ain’t swiping!!
I’m pleased I didn’t pay for the site!!
Thankfully I have a couple of friends I can meet up with.
I may join a handy person/carpentry/motor mechanics course once lockdowns over!!! 😀

Comment on bumble. I’m 50 look 45 (botox) slim blonde, job and live in a des “W” post code in London which I own. Beautiful teeth, clothes that are a bit edgy for my age but not for a 20 year old.

My parameters for men I could chose from are 45-65 and 25 miles that’s it 4 days without anyone. I think it’s mostly a fraud. Full beeline some in Glasgow as an experiment no response. I don’t think they have the membership

@whydid all very common and perfectly normal for the dating world of online matches.I have found being eiher very fussy or not fussy at all can generate slightly better outcomes than being moderately fussy in your swiping. Im from the no fussy crew so Ive often had no real clue who Ive been swiping. So far, Ive not come to any upset doing this and had some pleasant and the usual odd exchanges.

@Greyandrare123

I mean I have no one to swipe