Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

@Fiftyandmore
Hey you have a date arranged! How exciting!

No dilapidated caravans coming up on my Tinder -I suppose it depends whereabouts in the country you are.

@Greyandrare123
"Someone asked about feeling intimidated? In one word, never. They could have climbed everest, saved orphans and got 5 degrees in biochemistry and I wouldnt think they were better than me. If they didnt like my chit chat, not my problem. "

This. I love your attitude. I am going to remember this and try to be the same. Thank you.

Fiftyandmore, I would be giving him a swerve if he is calling you the wrong name. To be honest responding to someone from too great a distance is pointless, no possibility of a quick meet for a coffee. Perhaps you need to adjust your distance criteria if you are actively searching online. Good luck on managing to arrange a date.

Dilapidated caravan?? how do I match with him please

Wrong name should be a swerve or an Amber light..I spoke to someone and we went to WhatsApp, he then sent me a text obviously meant for someone else. He had so many irons on the go, which isn't wrong, but when we did speak it became obvious he was desperate to meet someone and that was the red flag for me.

Good luck for Friday, we'll need an update ASAP.

@Greyandrare123, I try to have this attitude as suffered from being intimidated in my younger days. I value kindness, honesty and intelligence (but not necessarily academic) also anyone who has pursued lots of extreme sports has done so by sacrificing something or someone else in their life. Ex is in attractive, highly successful, accomplished but he got there by being selfish and ignoring the needs of a partner and family. I keep that in mind when I see the "amazing" profiles.

@Fiftyandmore good luck with your date. Is this a Tinder match?

I think I am getting fed up with OLD at the moment. My humour has kicked in and I've sent someone a jokey message.

I have now too got involved with a headless man. This one has got his trousers positioned too low on his hips. Im also messaging a man who has only the tip of his forehead apparent in the pics so I am working towards a whole body.
@Techway you have seen the pursuit of their own needs and how it impacts on their family and emotions. Definitely avoid those over stylised profiles with 4 severe sports being showcased.

Men who hide their faces have got something to hide, no point going there.
Men who want you off OLD and whatsapping very quickly are to be avoided also.
Greyandrare123, things must be getting dire if you are reduced to responding to men with half a face. The hips do not lie :) I thought you were doing so well.
I am busy deleting even before I open messages.
I am actually going to have a chat in a bit with someone I met on pof several years ago. Usual story, no spark for me and very serious if truth be told. Seems to want to analyze every conversation.
We have kept in touch sporadically but since March message more as we are both on our own.
This may surprise you all, I actually went to South Africa for a holiday with someone I met on pof. I dumped him when we landed after a 12 hour flight....I will leave you pondering that one :)

I am intrigued at the headless men. Why would you message them? They're obviously hiding something - I would immediately worry that they're hideous and/or on the run. Either option does not really work for me. Or do you just have a chat because...why not...? I might try it actually. All the ones with heads seem so...I don't know...similar to other people with heads... ah, I'm beginning to see the attraction!

Yes I messaged a headless one - I’m curious but he’s the only one - He is wearing a nice suit!!! They are hiding something. Lots are honest though who are married.
Probably due to me being new to the site - I was propositioned by a 24 year old - he’s put he’s 52 on the site as he wants a more mature lady. I politely declined!!
Someone got back to me and I’ve asked for his number.
Chatting via the site to a couple of others and someone pushing for a coffee - he’s local so I may do that.
Slowly getting in to Tinder - I don’t want marriage or anyone living here with me - I have an 11 year old to consider.
When I listen to friends who are having relationship issues I’m so pleased to be single.

So many headless men, so little time 😊

I’m late 50’s but so many men my age or older are busy running marathons, deep sea fishing, cycling in full MAMIL gear, climbing mountains or longing to climb mountains in Peru. No wonder they’re single, they sound exhausting.

I like the sound of the man with the dilapidated caravan pic.
He sounds like he has a good sense of humour/is mad or loaded and trying to ward off gold diggers.

I received a msg from a man, front photo looked good so had a swipe at the 2nd & 3rd..Omg, completely different.1st one was obviously a decent photo from years ago. The later photos are him sitting, sweating in a deck chair with a tea towel around his neck. Zero insight to post such a photo.
I am messaging a few men but no one interesting.

Are most parts of the country unable to meet outside family units now? I'm in a medium area but not sure how long that will last.

Thought I would post to say don't give up on it, after my marriage of 27 years ended I had a few dates, but stopped the whole thing as they were either too pushy or the chemistry was off etc ... left it two whole years then my daughter pushed me into doing it again, this time I met someone special after just two dates, I really am having the best time I have ever had, I can't believe at my age I have found someone so good for me ...and I so nearly didn't go on the date as I was fed up with it, don't give up, it is a leap of faith, but the rewards can be immense. Two tips - men are sometimes crap at taking them and you might be pleasantly surprised, if you meet someone and they aren't for you message them ASAP to say it wasn't right for you to save the bit of humiliation for them if they ask you out for a second date.
Good luck

@crimsonlake I am very intrigued by your South Africa story. Was it a dreadful flight with him.

@EconomyFrog hello and thanks for encouraging us. I feel like giving up or at least taking a break from online dating. Just been offered £500 from a man for sexual services. Reported him and blocked him!

I find the men who have "head cut off shots" where you can't see the top of their heads are usually bald. Nothing wrong with that'...

No way. Wouldn't be brave enough. I found it dreadful in my forties.

I feel good about myself, better than I have for decades. I have never valued myself more really but men would not value me at all, so I am not colluding in my own devaluation by going online. No way.

@crimsonlake you've got to tell us the South Africa story!

@EconomyFrog I'm so pleased it worked for you and thank you for coming and sharing that with us. Just out of interest which site did you use?

@MuserOwl it's great to hear that you feel good about yourself and that you value yourself. That's such a good place to be in. Read along with us and live vicariously through our dating adventures!

@hotchocolatey yes, tomorrow's date is from Tinder. He seems very keen but we'll see. I haven't told him yet but he works in a building that I go to every day as part of my job! I'm meeting the man who lives a long way away on Sunday. I think this might be a good friend in the making. I'm chatting to a few others but I don't think they'll come to anything.

The caravan man is funny. We've built up this ridiculous story where he portrays himself as a hillbilly type with dodgy friends, one of who is called Barry. Somehow I'm about to marry Barry but I'm disappointed because Barry has shaved off his waist long beard in honour of our upcoming nuptials. Caravan man has rescued the beard and stuffed a pillowcase with it for me! It's utter nonsense but I really look forward to getting his messages!

@techway some of the pictures are shocking aren't they? I saw a profile pic earlier of legs and feet wearing slippers!

My advice to some of you ladies...is you have got to be more selective.
Whydidimarry him, never ask for a man's number!

@crimsonlake I disagree slightly. I think it's fine to message whoever you want. As long as you are careful and aware of what their situation may be. I am having a lovely text message conversation with someone who lives 100 miles away. I doubt we will ever meet but it is fun and we both enjoy sending memes and photos and having the odd telephone conversation. It's fun and gives me a lift.

Similarly with asking for a phone number. If it frightens them off then they are not worth your time. I have asked to make dates with Mr Gatwick (not the one I am only messaging) and I initiate messaging and phone calls. I'm too mature to play games or to be with someone who is going to do that. Having said that, I am very careful not to chase and I am very likely to back off if I sense a lack of similar effort from them

@crimsonlake, I agree but I'm also fine with giving the benefit of the doubt if they send a positive message. In my experience some men are better in real life, even if no chemistry and I haven't regretted meeting any but I think I screen fairly well. Only a few get through to messaging, less to a call and then a meet.

However we have to hear about SA???

We will have to agree to disagree ladies.
If anyone here is interested that is a thread here about the rules of dating. Not so sure about the entire thread but the initial thread gives good advice,
Mr SA....What can I say and we are friends to this day some 6 years later.
Enigmatic, charismatic...., but so annoying.
On our second date I left the venue fuming and rang a friend saying I have never been so furious in my life....!
But there was something between us and we played table tennis with messaging. I agreed to meet again and we got on.
He was very generous which added to the appeal, cannot abide stingy men.
He invited me over, separate rooms of course, perfect gentleman. I gave in and seduced him.
Episode 3 tomorrow.
By the way Mr likes to anyalize everything kept me on the phone for 3hrs 10 mins tonight, I timed it. To be honest, I had a few glasses of red and we do seem to get on really well, such a shame I so not fancy him.

I don't really understand why you should not give your phone number to someone if you get on and it makes sense to carry on the conversation on WhatsApp? Is it a man/woman thing - the man should ask first, the woman wait to be asked? Then bollocks to that. Is it a safety thing? Be careful who you give your number to? Yes of course, but I think you can block people on WhatsApp and your phone if you don't want to speak to them? I've given my number to a few irons over the years and not been stalked yet. So I don't even know if I agree or disagree with the phone number thing, but I would love to know the reason?!

If I've been chatting on a dating site to someone I'm interested in I have some times said here's my number if it's easier to chat on Whatsapp. The ball is then in their court. Also if you have their number Facebook usually brings them up as a friend suggestion. You can then have a look at their Facebook profile and see what they really look like.

I haven't yet directly asked anyone out but have said I'd be happy to meet to stop endless texting.

@crimsonlake cant wait for the next installment.
Someone commented why was I foraging around in the dire silt when Im seemingly doing well? Ah well all of them have the potential to be dire at any point so im keeping my options open.
Mr Veg has reappeared. Id asked him for a walk but after the initial yes Id heard nothing until the day off the walk when he asked what the plan was but id already arranged to see my friend by that point.
Mr Shed as predicted has gone silent. I knew this would be the case so ill put him in the background.
Mr Swoon is there. We have nice text comms. Probably will see him next week.
Am messaging a company director who on the surface seems ok. He has mentioned golf twice which i take as an indication for showing off in the future and talk of lads weekends away.
What fresh hell is the live stream option on pof? I was lying in bed wearing my surgical collar and 2 irions sent me a link and were berating me saying they had called me on this live stream and I hadnt answered. They were immediately binned.
Im trying to get up to 800 likes but nowhere near that.
Happy dating

Hello all :) Just back from my date. When we first met my heart sank and I thought it was going to be a long night. But actually it turned out to be a good night, lots of laughter, no awkward silences - and he bought me chocolate! Such a nice man and he'd like to meet again. Same old problem though in that I didn't feel the attraction. I think I will see him again if he'd still like to.

How is everyone else doing?