Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

I met a truly wonderful retired teacher in hospital with terminal cancer. She was asking why I was single (career, no time etc) and she said I should take up golf as it is an excellent way to meet someone. So not about OLD but good not to put all eggs in one basket!

Evening all :). It's so lovely to have this thread and to hear from people of our age who are also subjecting themselves to this!

@techway I like your bar/pub analogy - someone (Tigger maybe?) said something similar up thread. The long distance man is a really long way away but he is abroad at the minute and returning via Heathrow so I guess I might as well meet him if he still wants to. He seems like a nice man so a potential friend if nothing else.

@crimsonlake I think posting pics and profiles would be fascinating too! I'd like to see if any of us are talking to the same men, and also to see what each of us finds attractive.

@Greyandrare123 you are doing fantastically! I'm so sorry about your illness but your attitude is inspirational, and I'm glad OLD is keeping you busy.

@Whydidimarryhim at your headless man. I got into a short convo with someone with no pics - as I suspected, he was married and came out with the "my wife and I don't have sex" cliche within about 3 messages.

Tinder has been keeping me occupied (I went against all your advice and paid for a month). Last night when I checked in I had nearly 800 likes. I instantly thought of @crimsonlake speaking of fresh meat and @TiggerDatter speaking of piranhas! As usual, about 790 of them are no-goers (and I'm sorry to say that one of those no-goers was Marcia).

I've got quite a few convos going but in all honesty there's a hitch with nearly all of them! They're either not good conversationalists, or they get stroppy when I don't reply quickly enough for them (a big yes! to the sulky "Bye then" messages) or they're too far away - always something!

There are a couple who I'm having funny conversations with which I really enjoy but I'm not attracted to them. Such a shame because humour is really important to me.

There are a couple who I quite like but I already feel they're too good looking or too high powered to be interested in me. I feel that they would be bored by me very quickly. Does anyone else always feel inadequate and as if they wouldn't measure up? I wish I didn't feel this way but I always have done and probably always will.

There are a few who asked for my number so they could WhatsApp. I gave it to them on the condition they didn't call me and mentioned again about my issues with speaking on the phone (I also say this in my profile). One rang straightaway and then when I didn't pick up messaged saying "Answer me" . The other messaged saying he'd ring me in his lunch hour! One man is messaging nicely and will potentially turn into a date - he seems nice but I'm not particularly attracted.

One man made a big thing in his profile about working for 2 charities, being honest and genuine and lovely and kind and and and ... This one I did quite like the look of but when I told him how old I was he disappeared in a blink!

There are several who I can tell aren't especially interested and do the not asking me any questions thing.

So no real progress to report I'm afraid! It's so frustrating as there must be some decent viable prospects out there! I'm nothing out of the ordinary at all but I am honest and kind and genuine and presentable - where are the male equivalents of me?!

Wow - that was a long one! Sorry :)

Fiftyandmore you sound lovely, as does everyone on this thread. There must be an island or some place where all the decent men are kept because they are absolutely nowhere near any dating sites. It's quite depressing... but it really helps knowing that there are good, kind, funny and delightful women in this world who are all going through similar shit.

Fiftyandmore 800 likes is beyond amazing. Of course only 10 minus Marcia have some mild potential but still....
What part of 'I dont take phone calls' do they not get? The men really do show their true colours quickly. I am now getting whattapp pics of the one with verbal diahorrhea's face with captions saying 'would you kiss this?'. Erm...probably not and im not even that choosy at the moment.
Ive Mr Shed half skirting around meeting Sat. I think he wont follow through due to issues with himself. He may suprise me tomorrow or Friday. Who knows.
Someone asked about feeling intimidated? In one word, never. They could have climbed everest, saved orphans and got 5 degrees in biochemistry and I wouldnt think they were better than me. If they didnt like my chit chat, not my problem.
So I went out with Mr Swoon. Omg he was 10x better looking this time. We talked all eve and the there was suggestion of a snogging session which turned into a v quick one as during the snog i kept thinking abt covid. I am able to access tests v quickly and he is on the national screening programme so in theory it should be ok but since the snog ive felt like a criminal!
Calm down....

@Greyandrare123, wahoo. Lovely to hear, how exciting

Quick update here. Only messaging one at the moment. Not really attracted to his profile picture but his first message made me laugh so I thought why not. Conversation not really flowing though.

I’ve received about 4 messages this week but they were not for not for me. I’m on datingover50s and still getting messages from 40 something year olds. I wonder what they are after (sweeping judgement there 😂)

I plucked up the courage to message a nice looking one and guess what - no reply. I don’t mind actually, his loss.

@Fiftyandmore I know what you mean by feeling inadequate. I thought this with the nice looking one (and was right on this occasion). I’m average looking but beautiful inside. If they don’t want to investigate this then that’s up to them. I refuse to let it get me down. If it does, I’ll stop.

I tried OLD when I wasn’t ready last year and it really got me down and I took everything personally. I see a big change in my confidence now. I can see why people do not recommend OLD if you are feeling vulnerable.

I’ve seen it all now, just received a message from a man who looking for a ‘good woman’ and in his profile picture he is wearing a tee shirt which says ‘fuck my old boots’ 🙄

@WeWantTheFinestWines it really does help knowing we're all having similar issues doesn't it? We need to find this island where all the good men are!

@Greyandrare123 you are thread winner so far I think in that a) you've found one you like b) you've been on dates with him c) you are feeling the attraction! I really admire your stance on not feeling worthy - this is how I want to feel but unfortunately I don't.

@TalaSum thank you for your post. I don't quite understand it - is VibraGame a (dodgy) website?

@Feelingfree are there many people on datingover50's? I did think about joining an age specific site but then thought I'd prob get 70+ year olds and I'm not ready for that yet!

@Fiftyandmore I agree that humour is important. I love it if a man can make me laugh.

@Fiftyandmore @WeWantTheFinestWines
In my case I think the island is located somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle!

The talasum post appeared to be spam -it's been deleted by Mumsnet HQ

My penpal update. I asked him about people he had met. Only 1, who he said was not keen to chat forever and when they met they had no spark or even likelihood of friendship. He felt they could have found that out had they chatted for longer. So his penpal approach seems to be to mitigate risk (or rejection).

I suspect he doesn't want to "fail" and messaging is safe...but not suiting me. I kinda get his thinking - whilst we are messaging there is still hope as a meet could burst the bubble, but it has to happen. I am not interested in someone so risk averse so now I have stopped replying.

I get why you have got cold feet @Techway but isn’t ghosting him (by not replying) pretty unkind of you?

@TiggerDatter, I have explained I would prefer to meet as don't see the point in endless messaging, we live close to each other so not much investment of time. He doesn't answer that.. I am assuming his motives but can't be sure, he could just be married and bored!

Ah yes, almost certainly. In which case aren’t you tempted to send him a thanks but no thanks message, just to be clear?

Oh yes I don’t swipe on the really good looking ones - I feel intimated and worry about rejection too although they are strangers.
I had 99 plus likes but wow 800 + - that took some sifting!!!
Maybe I’m too judgemental.
I have messaged a few today - whom I’ve not matched with but hey ho - people who are more local. Mr Headless is a decent communicator - I may ask him for a face shot!!!
I too think why would a 45 year old want to date a 56 year old but then again my ex is 10 years younger and I’m quite young minded.

@TiggerDatter, it was very clear but he still messages. I tend to be very polite but clear so he can't mistake it.

Fiftyandmore, I enjoyed reading your longer post.
Firstly I do not think it is good advisable to respond to anyone without a photo. Also be wary of giving out your phone number to anyone you have only just chatted to...it sounds as if you have already learnt your lesson.
As I have said before likes count for nothing, messages are what you need.
I agree humour is everything, that combined with some sort of magnetic appeal would be good.
I also agree about feeling some men are out of my league in all sorts of ways. I would never message someone classically handsome etc, however men do not seem to have that problem, judging by most of the men who message me :)
I responded a few months ago to such a man, a cockney as it turned out with a strong accent. Came across in photos and conversation as wealthy, so obviously I was immediately wondering what does he see in me? He will be so exciting compared to me....
We spoke on the phone, I lightheartedly went along with everything he said, mostly bragging as it turns out but it passed away the time in lockdown.
He then proceeded to ring me every night and I was 'omg I cannot be doing with this'
He was amusing, if only to laugh at some of the things he said.
It turns out he had taken early retirement and the only really exciting event of his day was going for a 10 mile walk around the parks. My life was much more interesting after all :)
Thankfully he suddenly disappeared...like a puff of smoke.
Thats OLD for you.

Me too, I'm registered, but not too much active.

@Fiftyandmore there has been steady interest on this site, more than any other I tried (match, e-harmony). Still seems to be people under 50 on there. Slim pickings to be honest but it only take one ! 😀

Hinge still seems to give me lots of messages from men/boys in their 20's and younger. Today's gem was 'you look really great for your age. Hope you don't mind me saying that?'

My intimidating one was a guy who is a weight loss guru (written books and been in the press). He didn't like it when I asked him if he saw me as a project

I have been half hearted at best recently as I'm still messaging the guy who lives a way away from me. Can't decide whether this can go anywhere but it's still fun.

If we compared profiles that we 'liked', I bet their would all be completely different and hurrah for that!

@crimsonlake how strange your daily caller disappeared in a puff. Not surprising tho, just one of those things the men of the internet do.
@whydidimarryhim will you be asking him for a picture of his head soon? It may be best to get it out of the way.
You are so kind giving me a best of thread award. Mr Swoon, I suspect isnt wanting any sort of commitment and it will just be in the moment kind of thing. Even though I said earlier that I dont feel intimidated by men, in reality I probably do as I keep wondering why Swoon wants to snog me besides my nice teeth. Im decidedly average looking and my illness can make me look quite ropey and tired. However Im not letting these insecurities get in the way and just going along with what it is...a nice distraction with a very pleasant man.
Mr Veg has disappeared so thats one gone.
Mr Shed is going on about his washing tablets which Im of course indulging but I think that one is drying up. I think he will find a way to not meet.
Ive some more lined up in the pipeline ready to get going with.
A couple of dire men sent me sexual messages earlier and I asked what motivated them to send them. I was unmatched.
My ex called me this eve and told me he was also going to call me tomorrow. He called me after I text how are you and my day was busy at work. He only talked about himself. I wonder if he is subconsciously felt me shift a gear away from him since meeting swoon. I thought I still loved my ex and have always been there for him. I knew he had met someone new before he told me by a subtle change in his comms style. Strange.

@crimsonlake thank you for liking my post! I run away with myself sometimes and before I know it I've written an essay! Definitely won't engage with any more pictureless profiles. And I will be more selective as to who gets my number. I know that for many people speaking on the phone is important so I will force myself to do it in the (highly unlikely) event I find someone I'm keen on!

@Techway are you ok about saying goodbye to Mr Penpal?

@WildestDreamsSunset - your Bermuda Triangle comment made me laugh!

@Daftapath imagine the stress of choosing what to eat if you'd gone for dinner with your weight loss guru! far as a date with weight loss guru?

Today's progress report: Have just arranged a date for Friday night. Seems like a nice man but no sparks so far.

Matched with a man yesterday and have exchanged a couple of not very exciting messages. I do quite like the look of this one so I'm keeping my fingers crossed it goes somewhere. Not hopeful though.

Been exchanging messages at some length with a man who lives as far away from me as it's possible to. I only replied initially because he wrote a nice message but we seem to get on really well. Slightly disappointed though because in his last 2 messages he's called me the wrong name.

And this might sound like a strange question but have any of you come across a profile where the main picture is a dirty dilapidated caravan?!

Dilapidated caravan? Ooh, that's really going to appeal, isn't it? 

@Fiftyandmore sounds like couple of possibilities there. Calling you the wrong name is a bit of a rookie error!