Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

Don’t they get arsey when you identify that them living in Cornwall or Edinburgh is just too far away when I live in south east London. I’ve set my distance to 20 kilometres but Tinder does its own thing.
I’m curious what the men on these sites would say about women - I wonder if it really is men in a sweet shop as there are so many I wouldn’t date so maybe they are desperate.

I honestly think both sexes find negotiating OLD equally hard. For some individuals it’s a sweetie shop, for most - male and female - it’s hard and quite demoralising. Until you find ‘your’ person of course 😊

So, I had a nice phone call with a man last night and we had arranged a date for Wednesday.... only he's just messaged and cancelled due to 'distance'.

I'm so fed up of the apps and online men now. 🙁

I've had little breaks along the way but it just gets me down. Why is it so hard?

It is grim. Can I ask how long you give on messaging via what’s app or phone before cancelling out? Do you say anything? Can’t be bothered keep messaging going nowhere, but tad more awkward than usually would be just to say something, as they work in my building - it’s all just jokes though as well, so harder to squeeze in - I’m so bad at this! He’s talking to a few - fair enough - and maybe just continue and see, but not got the energy for that any more lol. Any tips welcome - feel like a silly teen spending too much time considering things like this 🙄

@MsJinks I think I would just stop replying. I've had several men lately who just want to chat. I think if they actually want to meet, then a date should be suggested within a week. I mentally detach from them.

I was chatting to a guy on Tinder last year (when I was an OLD newbie) and after six weeks I actually said to him that this chat was going nowhere so I was just going to stop. He said it was a shame but still did not suggest meeting! The funny thing is he's seen me on POF since & messages on there to ask how I'm getting on etc. We've had a bit of a laugh about it all and he almost feels like an old friend - but he isn't because we've never met & I doubt we will. These days I'd never chat to someone for so long without a date being arranged!

There’s zero point endlessly messaging if what you are looking for is a relationship. Useful (semi) rhyme on this point: one week to meet. Unless you want to be someone’s pen pal, which given the ‘situation’ is all any of us will be able to manage soon!

@WeWantTheFinestWines, maybe we can make a pact, if we are still single in 30 years we can move into an old people home together 😃 😃

I saw Susan's sister (Sandra) on Match earlier...maybe it was Susan rebranded but I did laugh as thought of this thread.

I guilted Mr Veggie (cos I was dealing with a poorly cat and he is supposed to like animals) but said our expectations are different so best that we don't take it further.

I've had mostly dire messages today and only one man who was quite witty but so not my taste.

@WildestDreamsSunset, I think I have a unintentional penpal, very chatty, open about his life but seems to have no interest in meeting. Might just stop replying as you suggest but like you said it feels like we know each other. Maybe he is lonely and I am a penpal!

Thank you - I am in agreement with a week chatting, quick coffee, then see - mind last time round it was about 5 weeks! Then met, I was last chance salooning it and just went with it, we were then ‘friends with benefits’ ish for 5 years - not so many benefits and not much 2 way friendship in the end so not recommending it necessarily lol. Last chat this time was via Facebook and he deleted me so that was straightforward at least - this one, I would normally say something but not sure because as I said we’re in the same building - maybe just cut replies back. Can’t decide whether to broaden into other sites - I’m only on POF but haven’t got the energy to see same faces, and hear same lines that often so usually look weekly unless there’s a real chat happening.

I had a "pen pal" a while ago. I eventually was upfront and said I'd like meet but I'm not looking for just messaging. I offered to meet him half way between us. The messaging stopped which was a shame because I did like him but it's better than being a pen pal. I think he was on the rebound and I'm not being rebound woman 😊

@Techway I think in your case (where you have a rapport & he's nice & chatty) I would send a message -like I did with Tinder guy to say you don't feel the messages are going anywhere. At least it then puts the ball in his court. I think due to the current situation /boredom/ not really looking for a relationship- a lot of guys do just want a penpal.

@Techway it's a deal 😂😂

I gave up OLD
too many weirdos- one was prepared to fly to SA to ‘surprise’ a woman he’d never met!
Not me - I blocked him , I was too scared he’d turn up At my front door
Loads of over sexed horny men - urgh- before we even met

Controlling men - one had the cheek to tell me to wear a dress to the first date!

Think I’d rather be alone

@Heatherjayne1972, I maybe deeply cynical tonight....but it also seems that even if you do find a reasonable one chances are you might end up back on the relationship threads on MN complaining about the cocklodger/lazy/cheating man.

Then after a few years of singleton you get back into OLD - it's the circle of dating.
This is what has just happened to a friend of mine, she broke up with her bf of 4 years (met him on OLD). When she went back online she got matched with him again

@Techway.
No. I deleted the app
I’m done. All I wanted was a normal person not someone who texts out of the blue to ask for my favourite sexual position- before we’ve met Not someone who wants sex on the first date.
Too much hassle Too many weirdos

Just dropping in - will catch up tomorrow. But wanted to let you all know that I have attracted the attention of Marcia, and her fishnets and red stilettos. She's much more glamorous than Susan, things are looking up

@Fiftyandmore, lol, gallows humor at it's best.

@Fiftyandmore

Just dropping in - will catch up tomorrow. But wanted to let you all know that I have attracted the attention of Marcia, and her fishnets and red stilettos. She's much more glamorous than Susan, things are looking up

All is not lost!

Really love this thread. Not much going on here but im still ploughing on. Marica could probably give me some style advice as mine is sadly lacking these days and a red shoe might be just the thing I need to get something half way decent going.
Mr Swoon. Seeing him later for dinner. He is as he was. Nice, polite and calls me gorgeous which I think he may call others too but happy to be in that bracket. No kisses nothing at all. We will see.
Mr Veg. Seeing him for a walk with crutches again on Thurs. He is someone who I will end up spilling all my emotional baggage onto as he is good communicator. He makes v little effort though. He is in the background.
Mr shed. Not sure what he is all about and seems a bit worried he has or is about to offend me which I find comical as I am not sensitive. We may be meeting for walk Sat.
Mr VD. Goodness me. He wanted to talk so he called and had a continious verbal vomit. He literally didnt shut up for 15mins. In the end I just talked over him to get a word in. He seems decent but has a v local mindset and didnt stop talking. I may or may not meet him for a walk.
Went out with my ex on Sun. It was interesting hearing that he isnt that commited or that endeared to his new GF and they clash all the time. But he is sticking with her either in the hope something changes or for other reasons. His choice.

Greyandrare how do you fit it all in? I'm very impressed with all your irons. Have fun, even if none of them ends up being The One 😊
I have nothing, zilch, nada going on. Maybe it's time for another site. Or another county. I think I've swiped left on almost everyone within 100 miles. Had one date (well two, but with the same person) and a few chats that ended up fizzling out. I'm finding everyone else's dating exploits much more engaging than any of the dire men out there. So keep it up everybody!!😁

Nada going on here either. I managed to shake off Mr Wordy by not responding so thankfully he has got the message.
To be fair I have received some messages but none from anyone I am remotely interested in responding too.
Greyandrare123, you seem to be attracting them like magnets, what is your secret I wonder. Enjoy it all.
It would be an interesting experiment if you could post their profiles and pics on here and we could vote on whether we would have responded to them. Obviously it is not going to happen, but I would love to see what other women find appealing and those that do not.

Thank you so much. I am zero anything special or different. Im 51, average looking, have a bent neck and walk with crutches due to a serious illness which will be my demise but not yet and not for a long time hopefully.
My illness has led me to view life through a v different lens. I throw caution to the wind, swipe right on nearly everyone who isnt obviously deranged and embrace all types. I only work 2 days a week so time is ok. I keep it all semi formal and light, enquiring about their day, talking about food etc. The photos I have are up to date and not that flattering in all of them. I get called 'lovely' quite lot. I would imagine I am doing nothing different to anyone else. I am in no way invested too much and that is a lesson i have really learned and I dont spend much time thinking they are anything other than mildly pleasant men.

I’m struggling to find anyone attractive - I’m messaging someone without a head - just a clothed body shot - he’s local and does communicate - he said he’s faceless due to custody issues re his children but I don’t see the connection. I suppose I see it as having some interaction but it’s not going anywhere.
Be great to see our matches!!!
Have a good evening everyone.

Greyandrare, you sound as if you are more or less randomly swiping right and Whydidmarry him you are messaging a headless man. Both made me giggle in a nice way.
I carried out an experiment once ...I pressed 'like' on a random 100 men of the day type of thing, that was interesting.
With my attitude it is not surprising that it all leads to nothing these days, I suspect I quite like it really.

Nothing going on here either apart from messages on Facebook and Instagram from men I don't know.

I haven't even got a headless man to message so I thought I'd check Tinder for talent. Had to stop when an obese man referred to himself as 'fit'. I know women tend to undersell themselves and maybe we need to be less self deprecating but for some people a bit of modesty wouldn't go amiss. Or honesty. Did swipe right on an Irishman, so fingers crossed...