Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

I don't mind tattoos as long as they are good ones or discreet. According to Tinder I have super liked a guy with really badly done huge animal tattoos. Not my cup of tea at all lol.

I was just musing that men don't age well due to loss of hair (not their fault) and over exposure to sun so by 50 they look much older. Whereas women of our generation have been more aware of sun damage and good skincare routines so look better.

I am struggling to access Match this morning and it seems the app is very busy.
I have never tried POF, should I? Is it free?

Yes yes to hating the miserable photos and the profiles telling you off/no dramas! Also when they mansplain that I need to message them first on bumble.

I can often tell a smoker by them looking much older than they say they are! I definitely swipe past them and anyone in a chain necklace! Call me a snob oh, also anyone who says they like their camper van or camping. I'm too old for that and prefer my comforts these days!

Don't mind bald at all though!

Techway, yes try POF, it is free and you will probably recognise lots of faces from the paid sites.
Daftapath, it's the ones on motorbikes that put me off, no chance of me being a passenger on one.
Likewise men climbing up mountains, action shots, I prefer a walk on the flat.
Anyone who says ' I like a laugh!'

What about those with pretentious Profile names?? Big swerve on those.

It is actually amazing we manage to meet anyone given so many men fall foul of the standards most women want.

I am messaging with Mr Veggie, all going well but then he mentions he has had his "fair share of crazies".He also had a 2.5 year relationship from online to give balance. Just sometime I am cautious about as I loathe the use of that word in relation to women. He has given me his number to WhatsApp or text but now not sure.

I had one man tell me he had stalkers, which equated to anyone looking at his profile multiple times. Before a date, during messaging I look at their profile so surely that is normal? Anyway got a bad vibe from him and blocked.

How does he know they look at his profile? Does the app tell him?

Men do the same on the apps. My brother swipes left on anyone who is not a size 10 and doesn’t look “fun”. If she doesn’t have her hair dyed it’s a big NO apparently. He describes most women as “looking their age”

Best thing is, he is short, going bald a bit overweight and looks 5 years older than his age but he doesn’t see it. I think Men’s self confidence is much higher in general and they almost feel entitled.

I agree with most of the things we've said here re likes/dislikes. I don't mind good tattoos though. I have some myself now although I didn't get my first until three years ago. Some of the profiles come across as so bitter or downright unpleasant.

I'm feeling despondent again. I don't have any irons really, or at least none I'm especially interested in. All my convos just seem to fizzle out. So far that's been ok because, as I say, I haven't been too bothered but I'm just wondering why. I do express interest and ask questions etc. I still get quite a lot of likes but relatively few messages. DD's friend's dad is still interested and wanting to meet but I'm so unsure. And there is one man who seems keen and also wants to meet but he lives a long way away. He's prepared to meet near me but I don't see the point really as, long term, distance will be an issue.

It seems so hard to find a man who has all the qualities that my late dh had. I'm not idealising him but he had integrity, determination, courage, kindness, humour, loyalty etc. (He was also incredibly messy but we won't mention that)! I don't know, feel close to giving up right now. Sorry for being pessimistic - I know lots of you are doing great and that's lovely.

What are your profiles like generally? Mine is quite light hearted although I do make it clear that I'm looking for a relationship. I wondered if I should change it to something more serious but then I thought that serious isn't really me. And I don't want anyone who doesn't do humour or who only sees the serious side of things.

I do find it demoralising sometimes. So I just dip in occasionally.

I think we are all looking for that one gem so we are going to go through quite a few unsuitables to get there.

@Fiftyandmore I would keep meeting friends dad but then I miss male company. All my friends are female! Maybe tell him to not have any expectations and be honest with him.

@Fiftyandmore My profiles are also lighthearted but I state what I am looking for on them. A lot of men don't seem to read my profile anyway.

I'm feeling despondent myself with OLD at the moment. Sometimes it's good to have a little break from it and dip into it as the previous poster has said.

I think as we get older we know what we are looking for so we are fussier. For instance I have been chatting to someone but have now lot interest now that I know more about him.

Oh, and one of my dislikes is being called babe before I've even met someone 😜.

'Babe'. Shudder. Probably calls you that so he doesn't have to remember your name!

Can't really remember what my profile says. I should maybe revisit it. I think it is all pretty lighthearted though.

I forgot to add it is the x or in some cases the xxx I do not like.
Why send xx to a stranger?
Fiftyandmore it is normal for conversations to fizzle out on both sides. Remember 'likes' mean nothing, you need messages.
I spend little time on old, checking in for messages once a day.
I remember being a newbie and it was all rather exciting getting messages, that soon wears off.

This is my profile wording - I'd be interested in others' opinion. My photos are all sort of smiley and bright:

• - -

Confident, eloquent, bi-lingual, educated, opinionated, kind, passionate – especially about grammar and spelling… Gooner.

Looking for a confident, emotionally available, intelligent, solvent and fun loving male. No Tories or Brexiteers please.

• - -

I probably sound a bit scary - but I'm a bit like that in real life (also a pathetic, insecure softie at times...) so no point in attracting someone who wants a shy flower...

@WeWantTheFinestWines I think your profile is great - says clearly what you are and what you want. It's not scary at all. It makes you sound confident and sure of your choices/likes/wants. There are some hooks in there too - ie, great opening for someone to ask what your other language is (What is your other language?!)

I'm really tempted to try Tinder tonight - yes or no lovely thread friends?!

@Fiftyandmore I wouldn't recommend paying for Tinder. It's been OK for me message wise. The main drawback for me is the lack of information on profiles so I am asking lots of questions like even where someone lives.

Thank you Fiftyandmore - it's honest...
I'm Scandinavian. Nobody has asked though. I've had more comments about football, which I'm quite happy to talk about.

Give Tinder a try. Don't pay. All you miss out on is seeing who liked you. But if you match with someone you can chat - and what's the point in seeing a bunch of men you don't like the look/ sound of anyway? Be prepared for a steady procession of undesirables...

I've taken the plunge and signed up to Tinder - but I don't understand how it works! So I can't see matches and just wait for a message? Is that right?

Yes. If you like someone and they like you then you match. You can then chat to each other. You can only see who has liked you if you haven't matched if you pay.

@Fiftyandmore, I think despondency is part of OLD, it is probably akin to go to a bar/pub each night and only meeting undesirables. I think you have to take time out and do something in real life..plan something you haven't done before (CV is making it tricky though).

Re long distance man, have you spoke on the phone? I wouldn't bother with arranging a date until you have spoken. Also how far away is he?
When the men message you are the asking questions? I notice the longtimers tend to have a format.. aka Mr Veggie.

I have to decide if I want a call with Mr Veggie, he very clearly "qualified" me in messages such as how long separated, children, my job before suggesting we meet. I suspect he is a pro at dating. My first date was with someone similar, he knew what he wanted and was quick to find out.

@WeWantTheFinestWines, I think you sound great and I would date you, if I was Susan 😃 I think men can be put off by confident women though, Mr Local, who is my friend now said insecure men can feel intimidated. Just means you may have to swipe lots.

@WeWantTheFinestWines your profile is great, just one thing: ‘fun loving’ is basically short-hand for hook-ups. I’d that’s what you want of course, that’s fine. But you may be putting out the wrong message

Mr Veggie may have helped me make up my mind. He messaged me after unch time today with his number. I replied saying I would text later..App has been struggling and I have been busy with life stuff but I checked after I posted here and he sent "Bye then" which I take as a sulk because I wasn't quick enough. I was wavering so I think my instinct is getting quite refined.

Fiftyandmore - be prepared for getting matches you haven’t swiped on - I have received about 30!! - many of the ones I swiped right on haven’t matched me - I’ve had one telephone conversation but he was dull.
I’ve been on it a week - yes to all the appropriate vetting - no tattoos for me, no fancy cars and letting me know all the countries they visited- no grumpy faces, no smokers, no - I’m not looking for a partner in crime, not being able to identify who you are in a photo, no fish, no cans of lager, no to headless shots and no to those who are clearly older than they say - sadly it’s not leaving many - but it only takes one!!!
Good luck.

Crikey @TiggerDatter I am clearly more naive than I thought. That is not what I mean by fun loving - I just think I come across as quite serious, which I'm really not and I do want to have fun, but not in the hook-up sense. Thanks - I'd better get editing. Or maybe I'll just date @Techway instead . Especially as Mr Veggie sounds like he is throwing his toys out because you dared be busy @Techway...

@Whydidimarryhim - it's grim out there, isn't it... I can't stand the "partner in crime" thing either.