Online dating in your 50's

[Fiftyandmore]

I've seen (but not read!) the thread about online dating in your 40's, and wondered if anyone would be interested in a similar thread for online dating in your 50's?

I'm 55 and giving this a go for the first time. I have to be honest and say it's soul destroying! I seem to get a lot of likes but not many result in conversation, let alone dates! And some of the conversations are just "hi" or "you ok?".

I've also found that I barely see anyone I'm attracted to. On the rare (very rare) occasions that I do, it's not reciprocated.

Anyone else in their 50's happy to share their OLD experiences? :)

I would just say to enjoy @SunscreenCentral - it’s how I prefer to date. Maybe, like me, he’s been around the circuit a few times and seen how flimsy all that initial attraction can be and wants to see whether there’s more to it. Or maybe he’s just wise !

@SunscreenCentral, does his name start with D? I know someone like that. Just go slowly, find out about his dating history and enjoy it

The date last night had dark hair, it was actually very unusual and appealing. It must be tough to deal with hair loss..as well as cold!

He’s not a D initial Techway....no

I’m seeing him this weekend and doing everything in my power to not think too much about it. To add to this strange happy misery, he has a particular accent that makes me weak at the knees. None of this seems real.
He’s been single for quite a while. He’s quite a reserved sort of person. I know a little bit about him as he is good friends with a friend of mine so he’s not “in off the side of the road” iykwim
I did manage to determine that he’s not the owner of a micro-penis (sorry) - had to rule that one out, (been there, it was grim and sooo disappointing) and Well that research finding only confused me more.

He’s delightfully attributed. Maybe he’s an axe-murderer. Who knows

Crimson, I think it is perfectly possible that the man/men you are messaging are scammers. I have definitely had at least two attempts at scams in the short time I have been old. One used the same photos as someone who tried to friend me on Instagram and I searched the photos and they came up as frequently used for scams. Another used American forces photos but the blurb didn't fit the photos. I did message them both for a laugh but they quickly picked up that I was winding them up!

My date last night (4th/5th with him) was lovely. Lots of laughing. Still no kissing though, only holding hands! Bit worried that he will be a dreadful kisser
I told him that if he didn't respond to my messages for 5 days again that I would assume he wasn't interested. He took it very well and we have been joking about it today

Sunset, I think you should just take it as his pace. Fascinated how you ascertained the size of his appendage though if he seems to want to take things slow

Daftapath, I am alert to everything after nearly 10 years of old, but thank you. Oh, to actually find someone I was interested in enough to keep replying to.
Truth be told I actually like my life and cannot imagine having to make time for anyone else. I have obviously been on my own too long.

@SunscreenCentral - he sounds ideal. Does he have a equally good looking single brother ha ha 😊

Seriously though, I hope it goes it goes well.

@SunscreenCentral I wouldn't say I'm jealous - but I'm jealous! Just take it as it comes. And tell us where you found him.

@Daftapath - that sounds promising, I think laughter is really important.

Daftapath well I used the age-old tried&tested method entailing the application of Quite A Lot Of Wine... all in the name of research of course. It worked that time but he clocked it.
It’s ok, I just wanted avoid any form of mini-p revelation down the road.
Has anyone else experienced that? I do feel terribly for those men, and I KNOW size isn’t everything but....have you ever tried placing a condom on a micro-penis?

It’s like getting a bin-bag on a fish finger. Not doing that again. Ever.

Hi all - glad to find this thread, it’s made me smile! I’m rising 55, and a definite difference on the sites to the first round of old 12 years ago, when I actively got dates lol. Back then made a couple of friends and several funny stories. 6 years ago got wore down with it all and just before deleting ended up keep seeing my ‘final’ date, for years casually, it wasn’t great, but did fit with my life for a while. This time round I’m pretty ambivalent and possibly ought to finish my life stuff - house, 2 lockdown stone addition, but keep browsing pof. I relate to all the above - except hugh grant annoyingly lol - had 2 go to WhatsApp, first was on a PGCE course at the same time as me but never met then, good chats, said he’d have to meet but then disappeared, current one works in my building, so feeling a bit awkward there - big building but still - I do live in a city as well! I also, sadly am very unsure how often contact should be etc etc. Definitely a fan of brief coffee dates - learned painfully over meals and beers lol, I have terrible beer goggles quickly myself! I can’t be bothered half the time to surf the old so maybe I should make more of an effort. This thread I will be surfing though, it’s funny and nice 😃

I didn’t mean I was on old for 6 years constant - went back after 6 years due to life stuff, not catching a poor sole!

@MsJinks, welcome! coffee or a drink is much more sensible. Prior to the dates I have pre date regrets, most always think I should cancel, then I have mostly enjoyed all the dates but afterwards I realise they are not right. Had I been drinking I know the would all get more attractive.

The only date I didn't really enjoy was with a policeman who was so intense. He said it was just because he was keen but I think he was desperate for a relationship, any relationship! I am currently off the site but may go back on so I can report to this thread!

Oh my coffee with friends who I met on OLD, he says he is struggling with meeting women. He said he swerves women with tattoos, smokers and those with bunny ears, apparently that reduces the list.

@sunsetcentral I think relax into the slowness of it all and dont think beyond the next date. That way you can weigh him up too. So impressed you managed to establish from him that he doesnt have a mini-p. Id find it hard to circumnavigate that topic, especially with the owner.
My wordy - how odd. Do you think someone was answering on his behalf? Have you got rid of him now?
Thank you for being impressed with my crutch walking dates. I have no choice re crutches as my illness wont be getting better but I can walk distances and I do pretty good with them. Having to manage an illness as well as OLD has been interesting and mainly positive. Ive lost all sense of being nervous and im far more direct than I used to be. I feel like I dont have too much time to waste. I also have more patience. For instance Mr swoon arranged to meet me in my city. I messaged him my location and said a car park space was behind me. I assumed this black car that went by looking at me was his and got anxious thinking id been stood up. I gave it 5 mins and was about to send a terse message when he wrote to say he was waiting for me..When I got there he apologised for me having to walk. So I have to be mindful to not immediately catastrophise and go off on one as I would have looked deranged.
I have a few on the go
Mr Swoon. Young, has a child, well mannered and polite.
Mr barbed wire fence. Tall, into nature, polite, kind. Not met. Walking date suggested by him.
Mr v tall. 6ft4. No real basis but i feel he has the potential to be negative. Asks me questions like he is interviewing me. No real humour. He will be let go I think.
Mr eloquent. Tattoos, very articulate messages but nothing real, all silliness. A bit of fun.
Mr vegetable. Messages me but hasnt suggested a re meet and given I sorted out the 1st meet, I wont be leading the second one.

I give mine a Mr ... tag too I don't discuss them with many friends but find it helps to keep track when chatting about them. I do sometimes have to remind myself of their actual names and that their name is not Mr Biscuits!

I agree that it's good to give the benefit of the doubt and not to catastrophise - there has to be some normal men out there who are honest and not playing games

Sunscreencentral, I hope he did not notice when your eyes were straying. Truth be told personally I think it is hard to tell, some men are growers remember.
Mr Wordy is not giving up, so another message this morning. I do not owe him a response but I may do the polite thing and let him down gently.
To be fair it seems pointless continuing regardless of anything else since we are both in local lockdown areas. I simply do not have the interest to keep up communications until things are eased.

MsJinks, welcome to the thread. I am the same...cannot be bothered surfing, when I do make the effort I am losing the will to live after the second profile.

Hello @MsJinks. I lose the will swiping too. I can't remember which one of us said they'd met someone on Fabswingers now but I'm sorely tempted to give it a go! I don't think I'm brave enough though!

I've just deleted two who haven't asked me anything about myself or initiated any conversation in 3 days.
The guy I have met a few times has been unusually attentive today and is currently messaging whilst we both watch Pulp Fiction! Maybe he took on board me saying that not responding to my message for 5 days won't go down well again!

Not sure I would be up to fabswingers!!

@Daftapath, will I might forget swiping and plan a night watching Pulp Fiction. I think it might be more enjoyable.

I will meet with Mr Widower, we have spoken and there are regular messages. We have quite a lot in common, lives interwined, but I just revisited his profile and he has a lot of photos and some are just so off putting. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt as I know we can spend a few hours chatting but I do think men have very poor self awareness.

I was offline for a few weeks and since going back it does seem like the quality & quanity has gone down. Is that likely to be lockdown related..anyone have an idea what happened during April/May?

It was me who fished someone out of Fabswingers! I went on for 20 minutes, no photo or anything, responded to him, jotted down his number (so old/fashioned!), went off to make a cuppa as I was feeling besieged, came back and the site had deleted me 😢. So I WhatsApped him and here we are, nearly two years later. Serendipity. He’s very far from perfect but I’m very happy to have him in my life.

Maybe must more lonely men around who wouldn't normally sign up but now have?
I think give the benefit of the doubt whilst you chat a bit. I do scroll past anyone heavily tattooed, topless bed shots or pouty kissing shots! Not too keen on lounging on my convertible shots either!

Sometimes I think it's just fun to pass an evening chatting even though I know I don't particularly want to meet them. I guess I do t get so many messaging that I can pick them off quickly!

Why had they deleted you Tigger?

I think I hadn’t verified my email or something. Honestly, it was like being in a pool of piranhas, I didn’t know what I was doing. Funny though. And the men were open, respectful and keen but mostly married.

Hi - thanks for the welcome 😃 I went out in real life with my daughters yesterday - very surreal. There were 3 young lads came to chat though - they were totally disliking the inability to chat to folk inside pubs and sneaked over. They were lovely and insisted granny got taxi first - but it is going to be difficult for the old fashioned way of meeting now. My no no’s on dating sites are anything bare, dirty clothes (yes I’ve seen this), latest is pics of F1 drivers kitted up - I know it’s not you! I avoid separated after a disastrous date years ago followed by a call with the guy threatening suicide as he’d found ex was seeing a guy - I was nice and not hurt myself, but still! Having young kids probably, retired guys who have properties around the world and bollinger for breakfast, and the lists of what they don’t want - many more probably, so actually reading that I’m as fussy as the guys I dislike 🤣

My list of men I immediately swipe left on: tattoos; massively overweight; posing with motorbikes, cars or fish; topless; toothless; looking miserable and not even trying; photos of several people where you don't know which one is him; blurry photos; photos with their children, grandchildren or random women; men who write nothing or "just ask"; men who are bitter and tell me off before I've even done anything ("why match if you're not going to chat", "why do women think it's ok to...[something they don't like]?"); anyone who says "no dramas"; totally unoriginal 'interests' like "cuddles on the sofa with a film" or "long walks ending in a pub"; anyone who says "if you don't look like your profile pic you're buying the drinks until you do lol".

And that's just for starters. I don't get many matches. Lol.

That's weird. A bottle of gin where I'd written 'something they don't like' in square brackets! Lol again I guess.