Long sorry... Just in shock - need the collective expertise of Mumsnet- DH and hook up site

[Tempnamelady]

Before I hark back to previous posts and advice I’ve been given on here, I really need some advice/info from those more IT technically proficient than me before I jump to conclusions. More of the rest later.
DH out cycling earlier, left his phone, no biggie usually does, he also commented earlier that he was going out and leaving it as it didn’t have much charge.
He isn’t glued to his phone , I know the unlock code. I’ve just been getting a bit of a vibe off him lately , things haven’t been great and you’ve all offered your take on it which was appreciated. Anyway.. I swiped Left on his phone and a calendar entry came up for today it said ‘Sex hook up 3.6 miles from your location and a time this afternoon’ After nearly dropping the phone in shock I tried to open it and it said it couldn’t open as the Calendar app had been deleted. As I said I’m not great with tech but thinking about it , I reinstalled the calendar app in his phone ( I have since deleted it again and he himself isn’t a great tech person so even if you could tell he wouldn’t notice). Anyway a load of notifications/times ( only in last few days) came up ,they were from Thursday to today . Basically local women looking for sex hook ups some of it was pretty graphic with locations and times . There’s a website mentioned called ( cringe) banglocals.com and Something called Https:anamuel-careslie.com which seems to be some sort of url link to porn hook up websites.

So nothing before Thurs that I could see and nothing after today.

Right this is where I need your advice and expertise, at the moment I’m pretty shaky and churning but trying to stay calm as DS and his girlfriend are here, DH at the pub. Does this mean he has signed up to a hook up site? Do you think he has deleted his calendar deliberately knowing I do see his phone on occasion? I am sure he wouldn’t know that the entries would still come up on swipe even if he deleted his calendar app, he’s not that tech savvy. I can’t understand why you would delete your calendar app, it’s kind of standard isn’t it? I did use to use mine a bit though I rely on Alexa for reminders these days. He wouldn’t use a calendar app for anything like appointments etc.

Can this thing ever just accidentally end up on your phone, I’m guessing not but I don’t want to look like a complete tit if they can. I am trying to keep my powder dry and will be able to get his phone again tomorrow as no doubt he will be out on his bike at some point. If it’s legit then he’s fucking history, we’ve had some pretty big issues of late and things aren’t great anyway but if he was even contemplating using a site to meet women then I’m gone. I will be fine , I am not at all dependent on him, I have a successful career, a lovely adult DS, tons of friends and money in the bank.

But before I get ahead of myself , if anyone can offer any advice on whether this means he has signed up and anything else I can do to get proof if he is on site/s then I’d be really really grateful.

I think I need a drink.

@Anordinarymum Sorry I don’t understand. Are you saying he has signed up to something ?

@HollowTalk he was with my son so definitely in the pub.

Porn sites do throw up those 'Lisa, 19 lives 22km from you... click to bang' 🤢 so I guess if he was stupid enough to actually click, then sign up with email that's a possibility.

It could all be explained away or not really but before you speak to him you need to decide what your dealbreakers are so you're clear what you'll be prepared to do in any eventuality, whether it's nothing / porn again / looking at hookup sites / actually hooking up.

It is probably a clickbait spam issue as others have said.

I'm pretty doubtful that it is that there that many women who genuinely use an app called banglocals or whatever, unless some financial transaction is involved.

It's about as likely as the spam adverts that promise you can double length or girth with a cream.

If he was using an app like that why let you know the unlock code? Lots of women on here discover a second phone used for that sort of thing

I’ve had a good look at his phone tonight , so when you go into these entries on the calendar there is a url type link but when you press it goes to something call cambangs and shows a number of failed passcode attempts ? It’s all so bloody grim, it just doesn’t smell right that it would have come about about entirely innocently.

I can’t see anything else, no texts WhatsApp, Google search history nothing on his phone bill ( I’ve never looked at any of these previously ) . What is click bait spam exactly ?

The unlock code has never changed.

So is the general opinion That this is linked to porn or entirely innocent ?

OP I am not sure. I only know that to receive the links from that site you have to sign up and use your credit card as verification and in the small print it signs you up for two porn sites costing £50 per month.
The hook ups for local women are spam bait and the women don't exist, but this does not mean he is not signed up for other things.

@ all Anordinarymum so you mean that he had to sign up? And I suppose if I could access his bank then I might be able to tell ? I just don’t understand it all. People on here saying entirely innocent but I’ve never had anything dodgy on my phone ?

Ok so I went on it and put his e mail address in with the intention of resetting his password
but it said invalid e mail address making me think that he hasn’t signed up? But how is it in his phone ?

I think that he probably watches porn on his phone and maybe has an account on one of these porn sites? And he's getting spam emails about hook ups (have you ever seen those pop ups that say things like "Leslie is 2 miles away get chatting" and it will have a website link to start chatting to singles in your area) these are pop ups and I get them pop up randomly say if we're watching a film online etc they will randomly pop up.. but if he has an account with a porn site just to watch porn he may be getting these sent to his email as spam and then they're automatically saving to his calendar? I mean I don't really know but this was my first thought!

Hi I had to comment! This exact thing happened to me with my phone so please it can and may well be totally innocent I had to delete my calendar and take it to a phone shop for them to fix it. It was exactly as you described in my calendar and had links and the most horrific wording. You must be in pieces I promise you this exact same thing happened to my iPhone and it was spam my phone had contracted some sort of virus that had downloaded itself

OP I only know what my friend told me. I suppose you will have to get access to his bank accounts to be sure.

I've had these pop ups appear on my phone........the calender thing sounds weird tho.

It sounds like spam. Stop stressing yourself.

Here’s a few examples

That's spam

But what is spam and how does it get there ?

That's total spam. He's probably deleted the calendar to make it go away. Ask him whether it's something he's clicked on, or something he's accidentally signed up for with his email address. He really needs to reinstall his phone, and if that doesn't work, take it in to a shop to be fixed.

Honestly those sites (the links you mentioned) are 100 percent the type that pop up when you’re watching porn, they encourage you to sign up saying there’s hot women in your area, but usually it’s just a scam. Not sure how it’s managed to come into his calendar though, maybe he provided his email address to the site and somehow it sends notifications to his calendar? I have an iPhone and have never heard of this happening though.

Before you take the phone to a shop (v embarrassing), do a complete hard reset and set the phone up as a new iPhone. Takes a while but fairly simple.

Those messages sound exactly like the subject lines in spammy porn emails - I don't think any real hook up partners would talk like that, or put something so blatant into his calendar.

My guess is he's ended up getting bombarded with this smut after clicking on something, and doesn't want to say anything to you because you might think he's been up to something.

Whether porn is involved is impossible to say, but it clearly isn't a definite as it's happened to someone here after ordering a takeaway!

What a horrible find for you though, I know that kick-in-the-stomach feeling after picking up your husband's phone

The screenshots you just posted are 100% spam.
I think there is malware on his phone. He probably clicked on an insecure porn site. He didn’t have to sign up with his email to get them.

That is 100% spam. He could have accidentally clicked on something when looking at porn or online gambling or all kinds of places.

I don’t think he’s hooking up with people, on this occasion his worst offence is naïveté and watching porn.

Sorry i tried to reply but the site froze.

Those messages are spam. if they were genuine they would have his name on them.

It could be that he went on the site and it creamed the info from his phone.
I would try and access his bank records to be sure

110% spam, you probably won't like how they got there but those are spam

Ohhh I’ve had this happen to me! And not even via a porn website, I was shopping online for something, clicked a link which then made a porn website pop up and all these ‘appointments’ popped up in my calendar with links to more porn websites. Took bloody ages to get rid.

I wonder if your DH has just panicked and deleted his calendar because he was worried you wouldn’t believe him?