Long sorry... Just in shock - need the collective expertise of Mumsnet- DH and hook up site

[Tempnamelady]

Before I hark back to previous posts and advice I’ve been given on here, I really need some advice/info from those more IT technically proficient than me before I jump to conclusions. More of the rest later.
DH out cycling earlier, left his phone, no biggie usually does, he also commented earlier that he was going out and leaving it as it didn’t have much charge.
He isn’t glued to his phone , I know the unlock code. I’ve just been getting a bit of a vibe off him lately , things haven’t been great and you’ve all offered your take on it which was appreciated. Anyway.. I swiped Left on his phone and a calendar entry came up for today it said ‘Sex hook up 3.6 miles from your location and a time this afternoon’ After nearly dropping the phone in shock I tried to open it and it said it couldn’t open as the Calendar app had been deleted. As I said I’m not great with tech but thinking about it , I reinstalled the calendar app in his phone ( I have since deleted it again and he himself isn’t a great tech person so even if you could tell he wouldn’t notice). Anyway a load of notifications/times ( only in last few days) came up ,they were from Thursday to today . Basically local women looking for sex hook ups some of it was pretty graphic with locations and times . There’s a website mentioned called ( cringe) banglocals.com and Something called Https:anamuel-careslie.com which seems to be some sort of url link to porn hook up websites.

So nothing before Thurs that I could see and nothing after today.

Right this is where I need your advice and expertise, at the moment I’m pretty shaky and churning but trying to stay calm as DS and his girlfriend are here, DH at the pub. Does this mean he has signed up to a hook up site? Do you think he has deleted his calendar deliberately knowing I do see his phone on occasion? I am sure he wouldn’t know that the entries would still come up on swipe even if he deleted his calendar app, he’s not that tech savvy. I can’t understand why you would delete your calendar app, it’s kind of standard isn’t it? I did use to use mine a bit though I rely on Alexa for reminders these days. He wouldn’t use a calendar app for anything like appointments etc.

Can this thing ever just accidentally end up on your phone, I’m guessing not but I don’t want to look like a complete tit if they can. I am trying to keep my powder dry and will be able to get his phone again tomorrow as no doubt he will be out on his bike at some point. If it’s legit then he’s fucking history, we’ve had some pretty big issues of late and things aren’t great anyway but if he was even contemplating using a site to meet women then I’m gone. I will be fine , I am not at all dependent on him, I have a successful career, a lovely adult DS, tons of friends and money in the bank.

But before I get ahead of myself , if anyone can offer any advice on whether this means he has signed up and anything else I can do to get proof if he is on site/s then I’d be really really grateful.

I think I need a drink.

Was just about to say that with his phone, I found out about cheating from google maps unfortunately and most people aren't aware it will track you or forget that it is keeping a log of where you are, maybe he left it behind so it wouldn't show up on his location.

But it could be spam also from looking at porn sites...

I know the feeling you have now, like a ball of lead in your stomach,

Im not sure.
I have appointments come up on my calender which are not my appointments
for some reason my calender has linked with a friend of mine and I get notifications of what he is doing. I found it a bit odd and slightly a lack of his privacy so have disabled the calender. So can you see if somehow someone elses calender is linked there. Its a long shot

Banglocals.com claims to be the number one site for fun and exciting encounters. It must think I am a bloke, because it’s showing me photos of lovely ladies, and I am not about to register for it, but it looks like it will text people you want to hook up with rather than email. (Presumably through some sort of third party interface?)

The point I made though is his calendar had been deleted from his phone and so I had it reinstall it to see all of this.i found the sex hook up thing by swiping left ,I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t know what a swipe left was , he’s not tech savvy only got an I phone a few years back.

So had I not swiped left I wouldn’t have known that these things were in his calendar as it isn’t on his phone. I don’t think that he has met anyone on the dates mentioned but if it means he’s signed up to that site then obviously he’s in deep shit. I know I could sign up to check but tbh I don’t want any e mail of mine associated with it and what happens if he is on there 😱

Get on Google and make a new email address.

Something similar happened to my DH not that long ago but I was with him so know it was legit.

He went on a website to check a menu for a restaurant and when he clicked the link for the menu it had been diverted to a porn site and it automatically created a new whole calendar and two entries for hook ups - I tested it myself on my phone and it did exactly the same thing. My DH panicked as it’s his work phone and he was worried it would put malware on his phone so he had to tell his work about it. Could it have been something as innocent?

@offside well yes but why would you not say wtf is this and why hide your calendar ? The fact that the people are very local to me too is odd ?

This happened to me!! I accidentally clicked on some spammy shit and I kept getting things like this on my calender and so many emails too!
I would just ask him outright

I can’t get past “sex hookup”. I have a gay male friend who is single and uses hookup apps/sites. He’s totally open about it, but even he puts “Brian” in his calendar, not “sex hookup”.

Maybe he just deleted it and forgot about it. I know my DH probably would if I wasn’t with him as it’s not really significant if it’s innocent. Busy lives mean things like this just get sorted and forgot about, does in my house anyway. Like all the hook up emails I get, I don’t mention them to DH as it’s irrelevant. I recall the ones in my DH and mine calendars were local because I assume it goes off the location of your phone - we were actually on holiday when it happened with us.

I’m just playing devil’s advocate, you won’t really know until you ask him but hopefully it’ll be innocent.

I expect he has a second phone he is using for the hook ups. He does not realise the notifications are still coming to the main phone.

Who goes out for a bike ride without their phone? Nobody that's who. He has a phone with him I would expect.

Oh ffs where does this end like , why should we have to put up with this shit from men in all fairness. Hope it's a mistake or just linked to him watching porn (not the worst thing in the world) hugs to you 😘

Porn isn’t the worst thing in the world until like him it sends you doo lally , we had all sorts of scenes here last year and this year when he needed to have some sort of counselling and then blamed it on OCD. I really hoped it would be clear either way.

I think the point is you don't trust him by even looking at his phone so perhaps it's time to walk away

People have given you their personal experiences of this happening.

I really don't think an adult website would add something to your calendar like this, they are designed to be discreet. This sounds like spam.

You can check his location history through Google Maps so you can see where he was at the time of the calendar entries.

Hoping it's all innocent, OP. Seems like it could be a possibility from what PP have said.

Nothing sexual , but I have had stuff come up on my calendar , both real, clinic appointments for someone in USA and a spam one once . Possibly this popped up and he tried to delete the calendar , I was taken a back that it could even happen .

Did you delete from sent items and deleted folders?

I took photos of the calendar rather than e mailing to me .

Weird shit can end up on your calendar! If you have Siri calendar event suggestions turned on it scans your email (even spam) and will put things in - I’ve seen weird spammy calendar invitations in my calendar before and saw it came from a spam email. So it is possible.

I bet he left his phone in case you tracked where he was.

These things have a way of getting into your computer. I once signed up to a vegan dating site (I know!). Ten minutes later, all these chat boxes arrived on my screen with men talking absolute filth. None of them vegan. The site advertised to women with different interests (vegan, Mormon, cross-stitcher, acrobat...) and sent them all through to the same group of (literal) wankers. Then, every now and again, I got pop-ups from big busty MILFS in my area. I live in a village of 700 people. There's no way there are that many needy MILFs around here. All I ever wanted was a vegan 35-year old... maybe with one of those man-buns.

So... maybe he was looking at a site... but nothing actually happened. Check it out properly.

OP I have spoken to a friend who is Internet savvy. He tells me that Banglocals is not a secure site so it's pulling info from his phone, also reviews suggest it is a scam site which you have to sign up to and pay £50 per month recurring which signs him up to 2 porn sites and it is almost impossible to cancel unless he speaks directly to his credit card provider.
If he has signed up to it then the intent was there but data notifications are spambot and not real

I can imagine you'd get tons of emails telling you all sorts but calendar entries?

But first I'd check whether he's actually in the pub tonight.