DP needs space - please help me through this

[Stealthynamechange]

i will try to be brief, DP 1 1/2 years, see each other daily, he has great relationship with my ds (knew him as friends first) we were planning to move in together.
DP has been weird since saturday, told me last night one of his friends who used to be his student messaged him to say she'd ended her relationship & has had feelings for DP for years. He says because he didnt have a err no reaction its thrown everything into doubt & he doesnt know what he wants, he wants some space to think about things & has left me in a broken hearted limbo, i feel like utter crap, hes told me everyday for however long its been now that he loves me, hes says he means it. He says he thinks hes going to tell her to back off, hes done well to tell me & apparently in the past he would have cheated.
I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me. I truly believed him when he said he loves me.
I feel like crap.
Hes messaged to apologise numerous times.
He called to see if im ok this morning as i didnt reply to his messages - im not, im in heart break limbo.
Wise mumsnetters i need your help to get through this.
Thank you for reading.

I enjoyed "Away" about a mother going into space on the first mission to Mars.

Honestly I know none of us know him and I often think Whoa the Waggon! when people are quick to suggest dumping OHs but in this case I agree with everyone else, tell him you aren't putting up with this and end it. If you think you feel grim now, you will feel worse if he leaves you for her down the line. I understand the shock of this, you thought things were moving forward with him and he was an antidote to your divorce, but I genuinely believe he cannot now be trusted. If the woman works with him she should know he was in a serious relationship so the fact she felt it was ok to declare her feelings makes me think there has likely been some flirty behaviour between them at the very least. So sorry, am definitely not trying to make you feel worse but please take control of this situation.

To whoever recomended home edit thank you - i may watch legally blonde again !

Yes im ending it, i think i said this upthread.

I feel so stupid, im going to take some time to work on me.

Good for you OP, sorry I thought you were planning on just saying the ball was in his court.

All the best, it will be difficult, but much better than letting this drag out for weeks/months in misery before it finally ending anyway

Thank you, no i think the shock didnt help my thinking, i need to look after me - i deserve better

@Stealthynamechange

Thanks everyone. Ive got my head on well & truly straight now. Thanks for the tv recs too -im going to have a lovely netflix binge, any further recs? Nothing gory though please!

Fuck what's on TV, what are you going to do about him?

Im ending it

I watched a series called Rita, she's hilarious, a 40 something teacher who tells it like it is in subtitles. She's messed up and so are her kids and her men of whom there are many. But she loves the kids and helps them out at school. A mostly light funny watch.

Glad you know you deserve better!!!

Oh on Netflix

Good luck, OP. And well done for recognising your worth.

Schitts Creek is good for easy watching. Though Catherine O'Hara's voice is a bit annoying.

"i need to look after me - i deserve better"

Indeed you do, OP! Great to hear you're kicking him into touch. It will hurt like hell for a while but that's nothing compared to the ongoing pain and uncertainty you would feel if you stayed with him. Your future self will be so glad you did this!

Enjoy your TV-watching binge. Start planning some other lovely treats for yourself and for DS as well.

Well done, a simple text-I’m glad you asked for space as it helped me come to the realisation that I need some too, on a permanent basis!

The best thing to do is tell him to get lost. I think men who use this making a decision nonsense between two women are the pits.

These feelings between the 2 of them have not sprung from nowhere. There is some story to this that you do not fully know.

He's spending the weekend in contact, or with, her, to see how that feels.
Well, that is not an option he gets to have.

You know how that makes you feel, and it is not tolerable or humane to expect someone to tolerate this.

It's going to be tough and you'll be sad, but you'll be OK. Ditch him.

@Stealthynamechange

Im ending it

I posted a similar post a few days ago about my arsehole ex. I know the advice is really harsh/abrasive at times but I think sometimes that's what's needed to wake us up from making excuses from these men.

Hope you're ok, it's not an easy thing to do as I'm sure your heart is telling you one thing and your head another.

Derry Girls is great if you haven't seen it already

Well done OP for ending it.

Good luck with ending it op

Thanks everyone, my heart is in shreds & my head is a mess. How do i get through this? Please help, he was such a big part of my life.

You just need time OP. Cry, wail, mooch about, eat chocolate. Then think about the fact he is not the person you thought he was. Turn that heartbreak into anger, then let the anger go and move on. Focus on you and your child, not looking for another man. Things will get better

One day at a time op. Heck, one hour at a time. Hot chocolate, ice cream, dancing until you are knackered, hot showers and long walks in the fresh air. You'll get there.

OP - fuck him, he doesn’t deserve you!

Thanks all, i cant stop crying, barely slept & my ds (3years) is asking for him.

“One day at a time op. Heck, one hour at a time. Hot chocolate, ice cream, dancing until you are knackered, hot showers and long walks in the fresh air. You'll get there.”

This. Be as kind to yourself as possible. Pamper yourself and lots of treats for you and your son.

You're grieving for what you thought you had. Allow yourself to cry and be sad, it'll get easier as time goes on.

Just imagine 2 years from now when it happens again. How could you ever feel secure in a relationship with a man like that?

My last relationship before I met my now fiance was really bad - I dropped him off at his after a holiday and never saw him again but I still cried buckets as I faced up to the reality of our relationship. I'd been lying to myself about what he was. I still remembered fun stuff we had done and realising I wouldn't see him again - even though he was a massive shit head and I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

You deserve to be loved completely by someone who deserves you and you won't find that with this one